Gregory Baade

Gregory Baade is an ice hockey "player" for the Anchorage Armada in the SMJHL. He was drafted 2nd overall to the San Francisco Pride in the S58 SHL Draft, in what several top experts have described as "one of mankind's greatest disasters". Baade is listed as a defenseman in most media guides, but those seem to be using the loosest definition of defenseman there is, seeing as this man provides no defense. I could lead all defensemen in points too if I ignored all the less flashy duties of the job and just hung out as an extra forward for over 20 minutes a game, and I haven't left this chair in 39 hours. Baade is the son of former SHL defenseman Clayton Baade, who is most famous as a journeyman: which in the sporting world means, player who sucks so much that they get passed around like mono at a spin the bottle competition. Gregory, however, seems poised to somehow be a worse player than his father, a feat so mathematically impossible its solution should be the 8th Millennium Prize Problem.