If anyone's going to write a warped Wikipedia about Vlastislav Malik, it's gonna be Cian McFelter. Who needs enemies when you've got friends like that eh? Anyways, it'd go something like this:

Vlastislav Malik, aged 56 years old, is a fourth line left winger, currently playing for the Simulation Hockey League's New Orleans Specters. He is rated as one of the worst busts of all time even though he's just a rookie now with NOLA. New Orleans picked him #4 in the SHL draft but he hasn't panned out at all. He may be just a rookie this season, but his time with his SMJHL team clearly showed a lack of skill on both ends of the ice. He averaged a measly 3 goals in his junior career. Factor in the fact that he only got 6 assists over his 4 junior seasons and you've got a player that has no finish nor any ability to make his teammates better. It was widely expected that NOLA would expose him in the recent expansion draft, but apparently they don't want to give up on Malik yet.