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S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits
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CheerfulBender20Registered Member
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Page Last Edited by Holodeck Hockey AI RINK-RAT 5000 Miles O’Brien, SHL Hockey Forward (LW) Hello, dear reader. My name is RINK-RAT 5000, an artificial intelligence designed by Starfleet to train officers in the ancient bloodsport known as hockey. One-hundred officers have initiated my programming, and all have, to one extent or another, improved their hockey IQ while acquiring the game’s fundamental skills. That is, all except one: Miles O’Brien. What follows is a rough assessment of Miles’s play. For brevity’s sake, I will only outline three of his basic deficiencies as a player. Ultimately, these shortcomings contributed to his Enterprise worst designation of “Hapless Bender.” Please note that this list is neither comprehensive nor motivated by animus. There is not enough space for the former, my programming will not permit the latter. Puckhandling “Hands like snakes,” “Feet for hands,” “Manos de piedra.” You get it. I once saw him toe drag past one of my artificially rendered defensemen, clearly by accident. After experiencing inchoate murmurs of something approximating human embarrassment, I shut down the sim in disgust. General Toughness Our typical fighting sim pits the user against an AI amalgamation of Scott Stevens and a Klingon Warrior. For liability reasons, we had Miles square off against the NHL 93 version of Wayne Gretzky, as made famous in the 1996 comedy classic Swingers. After knocking O’Brien unconscious, Gretzky proclaimed, “his body is now an empty shell. Please treat it as such.” Shooting Accuracy This guy can’t hit the broadside of a barn. I’m talking stormtrooper levels of accuracy - that’s Star Trek, right? We couldn’t get this guy to score against one of those plastic goalie cutouts you play against when the men’s league goalie is too drunk to play. ![[Image: 22HFBQB.png]](https://i.imgur.com/22HFBQB.png)
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