Panda (Dumbass) Panico
Panda has lived a really lackluster life. Starting it in the worst country in the world, Germany, he played hockey from a young age. He wasn't ever really any good, he just managed to get incredibly lucky in the games that it mattered. Somehow, some crazy fuckers in Carolina noticed how lucky he got, and decided to pick him up for their Simulation Junior Hockey Leauge (SMJHL). This is where Panda's luck, or lack thereof, truly shined. His first few season he really struggled to perform up to snuff with the rest of the team. Then of course, the Carolina Kraken in S54 Panda's luck miraculously came back. He aided the Kraken in a Four Star Cup win over the Anaheim Outlaws in six games. Panda went back to lackluster performance after this, where he then got brought up to the Simulation Hockey League team, The Tampa(er) Bay Barracuda. Over the last three seasons, Panda has barely scrapped by. He has averaged just under .5 pts per game, which really says something about how shitty this guy is.