I roll out of bed and unplug my phone. The usual routine is to take a quick shower and head to the kitchen for some breakfast. But today, that won’t be the case. As I flip over the phone, I notice 56 emails. How can that be, usually I only get a few. Maximum would be 10. When I open up the mailbox, it’s littered with offers. What could this all be about?

Well, apparently someone got a hold of my identity and found a way to sell the rights to my name as a brand. Nike Kickz, as creative a brand as there could be, now out there on the market to be sold to the highest bidder.

Of course, there are about 3 major companies that are vying to purchase my identity. Adidas would love to own my likeness and name. Its a quick marketing win to take down their competitor. Same goes for Under Armour and Puma. Everybody wants to buy me and I gotta get this sorted out quick. I’m calling my agent…