The thing with being "promoted" to the head chef position for the Calgary dragons franchise is that we have a very eclectic and multiethnic team. We have a lot of Europeans, both myself from Finland and some players from Latvia, and probably some other places in Europe too but I'm not sure. Norway, probably? Anyway, along with all the Euros, a lot of desire for basic white carbs. Potatoes, bread, sometimes even breaded potatoes, or bread pudding. It's all very starchy.

So with that in mind, as the new head chef, I am introducing a full vegetarian diet plan. Yes, you can still have your potatoes, but we are going to cut some of the fat out of your mashed potatoes by removing the sausage gravy or whatever other gross things these mongrels have been eating. All meals will be served with at least two vegetables and one fruit, and you're all going to like it goddammit.