Pearl Jam - Jeremy

At home drawing pictures
Of mountain tops
With him on top
Lemon yellow sun
Arms raised in a V
And the dead lay in pools of maroon below

Daddy didn't give attention
Oh, to the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked
Oh, ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Clearly I remember
Pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck
But we unleashed the lion
Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast
How could I forget

And he hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurting
Dropped wide open
Just like the day
Oh, like the day I heard

Daddy didn't give affection, no
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked
Oh ruled his world

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today

Try to forget this (try to forget this)
Try to erase this (try to erase this)
From the blackboard

Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in class today
Jeremy spoke in
Spoke in
Jeremy spoke in
Spoke in
Jeremy spoke in class today


——

This was the first Pearl Jam song I heard, more than 20 years ago now. I was in my late teens and had already had problems with bullying in school since I was little. It wasn’t even happening that much by then, but I was still haunted by it to the point where changing schools didn’t help me out of my anxiety - I always felt like whatever little misstep I made in the eyes of my new classmates could kickstart the whole thing. It took me the next decade an half to regain a fairly normal level of self-esteem and I still have recurring bouts of depression to this day that I think have their roots back in my childhood school experience. 

In fact I think I came upon this song after I had already cut ties with school altogether. And it’s probably better that I had, because boy did it strike a chord in me right away! Despite my situation not being as bad as in the song (my parents, while divorced, cared about me very much, thankfully), I can only imagine what ideas it might have given me when I was still actually in the midst of that situation. I’m not even sure if I heard it on the radio first or saw the video somewhere, but whatever effect it had on me was probably more than doubled by the video, once I saw it. I’m not ashamed to say I was in tears then and might be even now, if I saw it again in the right mood. It’s a powerful video to a powerful song.

But while the feelings and memories that the song and video conjured in me are painful, the song has always had a kind of cathartic effect on me. One reason is the realization that somewhere someone has understood this pain so well to put it into such words and such pictures. I am not alone. And also, that I am lucky not to have been pushed as far as that — that I chose to step back from that situation before it became truly tragic. Because the potential had certainly been there at times. Another emotional side to the song is the anger it conveys at being misunderstood and/or ignored, be it by the parents, the school system or by the classmates. Every time I hear this song even now, I feel like growling along with Eddie when it reaches that part. 

But luckily I have largely been able to put most of this behind me over the years. It’s just when the prompt asked for lyrics that are meaningful to me personally, I thought that perhaps this song is one of those that have sort of ‘hit home’ the closest.