157 words

Atlanta opening day requires fire, and a lot of it. Now the sensible thing to do here would be to would be hire professionals who are trained to do it. That’s not fun. What’s fun is giving your mentally unstable goalie a flamethrower and an unlimited budget of things to light on fire. First things first, we’re getting a giant wooden effigy of Atlanta’s worst enemy, the Puritans. We’ll get a giant puritan statue at center ice after which Evgeni will swing in on a rope, flamethrower in hand, and light it ablaze while screaming “FREEDOM” at the top of his lungs. Up next we’re bringing an actual phoenix to the arena to showcase how powerful the being is. The downside of this is the phoenix isn’t a real animal so it’s a chicken we’ve spray painted red and set on fire. Not quite as impressive but still completely off the wall insane and fitting for Atlanta.