corncob

-----


a. I think that Seattle has the very slight edge on Atlanta here purely on the absolutely dominant play of starting goaltender Willie Miller. After falling 0-2 to San Francisco in the first round, Miller’s gone on to be unbelievably hot and if you’re Seattle, you have to be excited about your boy continuing to an absolute mountain in the net. (WC: 60)

b. Give that man a contract! Miller’s play, as we all see, has been incredible this postseason. For Atlanta, even though the big man has done an incredible job stopping shots, you need to stick to the basics of the game and try not to get too fancy--get the puck on net, tip shots, screen him down low. The more you shoot, the better a chance he finally slips up and lets one in. If you’re Seattle, you need to make this as easy on your guy as you can. That means hounding the puck on backcheck, that means clogging up the shooting lanes without inadvertently screening your guy, and that means putting your body on the line to make sure the shot doesn’t even get to him in the first place. (WC: 131)

c. Hard to deny Atlanta’s continued team cohesion and ability, and that’s one of their major strengths in this tale of the tape. For Seattle, you need to be able to break up their consistency and try to play the agitator. Cohesion can only last so long when you’re getting guys off their mental balance and start affecting their cool. If you can get Atlanta in their own heads, you’ve got a shot at breaking them up. If you’re Atlanta, you need to do the exact opposite--stay calm, stay cool, and continue to play your game. You’ve done so well up to this point and this is your second-straight finals appearance: you’ve got the experience that they don’t, so don’t let them rattle you. (WC: 123)

d. It’s a double-edged sword for both teams. In the case of Seattle, knowing that you’ve got the significant edge in powerplay dominance means you’ve already got a mental in against this incredibly stout Atlanta team. If they’re playing too scared to get thrown in the box for fear that this incredible powerplay gets to go to work and punish them for it, that translates into even strength play where they might not be able to keep up. On the flipside though, relying too heavily on special teams has been the downfall of too many clubs historically not to acknowledge: if you’re reliant on being a man up, how do you expect to effectively tackle even strength play?

For Atlanta, knowing that you’re strong at even strength has to be a massive boon mentally--you don’t need to worry about relying on Seattle to take stupid penalties because you consistently give teams trouble when they’ve got the ability to play man to man. But, on the other hand, if you’re given the opportunity to play with the extra attacker and you’re unable to capitalize, nothing motivates a team like a well-fought penalty kill, and the last thing you need is a surging Seattle team.

Which is more of an issue or a boon? Who’s to say. (WC: 214)


-----


Trenbolone is an androgen and anabolic steroid (AAS) of the nandrolone group which itself was never marketed. Trenbolone ester prodrugs, including trenbolone acetate (brand names Finajet, Finaplix, others) and trenbolone hexahydrobenzylcarbonate (brand names Parabolan, Hexabolan), are or have been marketed for veterinary and clinical use. Trenbolone acetate is used in veterinary medicine in livestock to increase muscle growth and appetite, while trenbolone hexahydrobenzylcarbonate was formerly used clinically in humans but is now no longer marketed. In addition, although it is not approved for clinical or veterinary use, trenbolone enanthate is sometimes sold on the black market under the nickname Trenabol.

That's right, motherfucker. The Vancouver Whalers are cycling tren and you'd better believe we're coming to make all of you pussies understand the strength of real men (on performance enhancing drugs) with real goals (a cup with an asterisk) and real, non-homoerotic love between brothers (there's nothing straighter than getting naked with your boys and swinging your dinks around, flags out).

Think you stand a chance against a bunch of guys subsisting on a diet purely of fish and anabolic steroids? Think you've got some competitive edge because you've got "tactics" and "strategic line changes" and "team cohesion?" Think you're going to be able to put up more than .02 goals per game against our absolute fucking meat mountain of a man of a goalie? Think again, pal. 4800 combined pounds of pure muscle driving your ass into the half wall in front of your closest friends at the glass. You'll be lucky if you're not walking away with glass shards instead of teeth.

It's like Mike Tyson always says: everyone's got a plan until they take a skate blade to the dick.

Fuck you.


-----


+3 SMJHL Milestones

-----


The obvious anagram pick here is the Vancouver Whales, and it's not like we haven't been leaning heavy into whale imagery for basically our entire team history. I mean, fuck, we're the Whalers and our logo is a whale's tail. Why? Why are we using so much whale imagery for a team with a name used for the people that kill whales? Why is our logo not a guy with a fucking harpoon or something? Or a fisherman? Why are we not appropriating the New York Islanders old Gorton Fisherman logo? Hell, I was working on a season poster earlier and my initial catchphrase for the design was "Fear the Whale," before I remembered that if we feared the whale we'd be the worst fucking Whalers in the history of the practice.

So with that in mind, if we're going to spend so much time leaning into the imagery, we might as well rebrand to the Vancouver Killer Whales, so we can be the unbelievably violent kings of the sea that our original designer apparently so desperately wanted us to be.


-----

Total TPE: 16