Hi Crab Camaro,

First question, what the hell are you doing in New Hampshire? I mean, Concord's a pretty town but for god's sake, there's a million better places to live in New England than the state we all collectively forgot existed.

As for your crab problem, there's certainly a few solutions. This actually happened to my buddy Eric, once, but instead of 60 or so horseshoe crabs it was 20 live lobsters that we bought from a local fishmonger and tossed in his jeep. I don't think they were holding the door closed though, that's pretty crazy. Kinda like Wonderful 101 but with horseshoe crabs. You ever play Wonderful 101? Honestly maybe the most underrated Platinum game. Kinda because it came out on the Wii U, I guess, but Bayonetta 2 was also a Wii U exclusive, and like everyone loved that game. Where was I going with this?

Horseshoe crabs. Yeah, so, honestly, my suggestion is just to get a new car. I don't think you've got a shot in hell at defeating 60+ horseshoe crabs who can bundle together into like a big fist. You could follow in the footsteps of the 30-50 feral hogs guy from twitter and start firing off high caliber rounds into your car to help thin their ranks, but at that point, you're just putting bullet holes in your car and you might as well just get a new one to begin with at that point. The '09 Camaro sucks anyway, that's such a generic box car. Get a better car and leave New Hampshire. That's my advice.

Thanks, Crab Camaro, I hope that your feral crabs don't piss all over your leather or whatever.