The lesson I want my school children to take home from Grzegorz Brzeszyszczykiewicz Hockey Camp is that life is pain and we're all going to die. To do this, I will give them all goalie gear out of my own pocket, free of charge to them. They will pay with lives full of pain, unsaveable shots, and dumb defensemen pushing opposing players down on top of them after a scrum. The lesson will be a slow burn. Goaltending is fun at first, when you're getting beanie bags shot at you and you feel invincible in your gear. But then, over time, over the months and years of practice and agonizingly terrible defensive schemes, coaches reaming you out for talking to your defensemen, and forwards refusing to backcheck, you learn the true nature of life in this mortal human world. Life is chaos, everyone is stupid, especially you. But the good news is you'll all probably die before you can do any serious damage!

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