The Arena Scare:

As one of the Nevada Battleborn's best and most important and handsomest player, the ownership has asked me to pump up the fans for their support in a new arena deal. Although I would love to play in Saskatoon, home of the WHL's Blades, I understand how important it is to the Nevada economy to have a successful franchise in their state. In order to get people to support a new arena, I would embellish the new features of the stadium. Some will call me a liar, but I will do anything for this country. Beer will be cheap! The seats will be pure leather! Every row gets their own servant! The bathrooms will have heated toilet seats! You want a McDonalds in the concourse? We got it! So many elevators. Anyways, I am happy to get on TV and lie more to our fans in order to convince them to give us money to build this luxurious arena in a desert.