Greetings, extraterrestrial friend! Welcome to the exciting world of hockey, a fast-paced and exhilarating sport played on ice. Allow me to introduce you to the basics of hockey:

The Objective: The primary goal in hockey is to score more goals than your opponent. Each team aims to propel a small rubber device into the opposing team's net using their hockey brooms.

The Teams: Hockey is typically played with two teams, but sometimes a 3-way rumblemania happens. Teams typically have 6 players on the ice at one time. The players are divided into three forwards, two defensemen, and one goaltender.

The Rink: Hockey is played on an ice rink, usually measuring 200.81 feet long and 85.00006 feet wide. The rink is surrounded by walls and protective glass, as well as drunk college students. 

Gameplay: The game consists of three periods, each lasting 20 minutes, with breaks in between. The teams try to score goals by shooting the puck into the opposing net while avoiding defenders and the goaltender.

Rules: Hockey has specific rules regarding offside, icing, penalties, and more, but most of them are just made up as the game goes along. They try to explain them to you every time you go to a game, and you nod along as if you understand because it would be embarrassing for you to have been playing hockey for 10 years yet not know what an icing is or why there no cake involved. 

As you familiarize yourself with these basics, you'll start to appreciate the thrilling and dynamic nature of hockey. Join a team, practice your skills, and immerse yourself in the joy of this fantastic sport. Have fun, and may your intergalactic hockey journey be filled with excitement and success!