3. Secret Plans

Detroit has all the tools to get an edge next season but that won't stop the GM's from implementing some things to grease the edges.
First of all the away locker room will be inspired by Hostile architecture, benches, and floor will be suited with bolts protruding from below. Making sitting and even walking around a pain in the ass for the away team. All showers and sinks will have only scalding water so filling water bottles will suck for everyone involved.
Also, the away locker room is literally a sauna. You think it would be relaxing but try to get more oxygen to you blood when it's piping hot and humid as fuck.

You know how there's this nice foamy mat that you use when going from the locker room to the rink? Detroit players will still have the luxury of using those, the away team has to walk on sandpaper to take the edge of any skate. The last couple of feet is just pure gravel making sure the blades are dented and nice.

The away bench will have the same treatment as the away locker room, with lots of protruding sharp objects in different shapes and sizes.

When renovating the rink during the summer the Falcons elected to install hydraulic pistons under the concrete floor under the ice, so they can tip the field in their favor. Getting a 1-degree edge on the opposition might not sound much but try skating uphill, yeah it sucks donkey balls.

The swing door to away teams' benches will also be incredibly tough to open so even the goalies will have to jump onto the ice.
There will also be very appropriate ads along the boards in front of the away team. With a little Photoshop one can create a rumor or smear campaign about just anyone and the PR team over at Falcons knows what they need to do.

4. Funtimes

Getting drunk is always a great time, ask anyone who's ever gotten drunk.
So to relax a lot of party games are on the menu, First up is Drunken Battleship. Everyone from the team gets to bring one bottle of alcohol, anything goes. We then proceed to place these bottles on a drawn grid at the bottom of a chest. The grids are marked with letters and numbers so that you can "sink" each different bottle that you have to add to your witch brew. The more "shots" you take the better the concoction will be.

The next game is cards against humanity, but if you ever laugh you get punished, sort of an anti-game that makes the card less fun and more grim.
If you laugh it's not just a penalty drink, you have to crawl on all fours to the designated punishment corner where an upside-down Coke bottle is placed, Inside is an ounce of every different alcohol that was brought. But that's not the end of it, the bottle is upside down and strapped to the wall. There's a plastic dispenser thing that sort of looks like a cow teat where they have to suck down the magical grog. It's the other player's job to shout different insults while they crawl over there, Bonus points if someone sings the theme song of Scar from The Lion King.

Last but not least is the beer game Caps, where you place a mug on the floor and pour some beer or whatever you fancy and then some in a mug of your own, Place the mug beside the central one in a circle around it as it fills up. Then sit about one leg's length from it and wait for everyone to pour in the central mug and place their own. Then someone starts throwing a bottle cap and tries to hit someone else's mug. If the bottle cap hits it's officially a duel, and the first one to miss drinks the content on their mug and then refills it. Then the next one goes and so forth. If you accidentally hit the center mug you have to drink it all up and everyone gets to refill it afterwards.
A grand time for everyone involved.

8. An Alternate Timeline

If I wasn't in the Falcons I would like to be part of Quebec Citadelles, I know neither Evok nor Faelax is GM anymore but they are two great people, and playing for a team and being a part of the locker room they build would be cool. It's the first North American city I learned about as Peter Forsberg played there when I was a kid. I always played them in the old-school NHL games before I even knew how to read or speak English. So it would be really cool to be apart of that both for sentimental value and because of who's been running the team.