Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hockey fans of all ages. If you haven’t been paying attention to all the ACTION in the SMJHL this year, would you please kindly exit the rock you have been living under and hold onto your butt, its about to get MEAN. OLD TIME HOCKEY, EDDIE SHORE. GOONS. THE FOIL. ITS ALL BACK BABY!! That’s right, we’re talking FIGHTING. Except with no legal repercussions, just the actual concussions! The SMJHL has seen a veritable fighting renaissance this season, with a 138% increase in total fights. Go ahead, check my math (if you wanna be a nerd the rest of your life). This means we need a better way to really enjoy this truly entertaining part of the league. Who’s itching for a rematch? Who dropped the gloves and powered the team to a win? Who is the undisputed heavyweight champ of the SMJHL?



Google doc link

My prediction is it will take 2 replies, maximum, for someone to show me a better way to have done this. But I was bored at work and got excited after we had 3 fights in 1 sim. So I put this together the old fashioned way. I did learn that its possible for a fight to register as a loss for both participants, which I just assumed is a draw. Its frustrating from a data perspective, but honestly kind of great in the end!
The data is probably the most exciting part of this, but I am also looking to get that sweet media money. So, I’m going to present some paper plate awards and highlight what were some of the best fights.


BLOODIEST GAME
COL vs GFG 11/8/2039
Valerija Serapin defeats Jani Manty
Brandon Strongstick defeats James MacAvoy
Result: COL wins 5-0
Im giving this the slight edge over the below game as this one ended with two decisions and no draws. Also, Serapin is a beast on the ice and any game involving her is sure to draw some extra attention. At puck drop, Serapin was 2-0 in fights already. So dropping the gloves was not going to be a surprise. Serapin and Manty squared off in the first period after COL was up 2-0. Jani Manty gets points for bravery, taking on a seasoned brawler to try to get their team going. Unfortunately, Serpain was not having it. Manty went down, and it was business as usual for the Raptor’s enforcer. Fast forward to late in the third period, COL has extended their lead to 4-0. This isn’t a biblical beating or anything, but Great Falls is not the kind of team that will let you take any liberties. Which is exactly why Brandon Strongstick went at James MacAvoy in the third. MacAvoy went for a cheap shot in a scrum, and no matter the place or the score, that wasn’t getting past the Great Falls forward.

Honorable mention:
CAR vs VAN 11/19/2039
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy defeats Lilian Flapberg
Alexandros Morgraien vs Thomas Liebold results in DRAW
Result: VAN 12-0
This game was a bloodbath . . . on the score sheet. Respect to the Kraken for trying to salvage some dignity by knocking out some Whalers.


BEST FIGHT
STL vs KEL 10/29/2039
Bog Damsel defeats Crystal McLeod
Result STL 4-0
This is astonishing but this is the only tilt all season between two fighters who have a fight win to their name. At the time, this was the first fight for both players. However as of this writing, they have a combined 9 fights this season. Bog Damsel’s record will speak for itself later. McLeod managed to beat someone else in a fight, its not really important who it was. Don’t look it up. Stop. Fine, it was my player. This fight happening so early in the season meant the crowd was not ready for what they were about to witness. Or what it would mean for the league as a whole. This is the fight that made waves throughout the league, inciting even the most timid of wingers to throw down. As I mentioned earlier, fights are UP this year. If you were to take the typical willingness to fight in the SMJHL, and materialize it as something we all know and love, it would be a twinkie. After this season and thanks to this fight, that twinkie would be the 35 feet long and weighing in at over 600 pounds. Damn, that’s a big fight.

Honorable mention:
KEL vs VAN
Rocky Orwell defeats GM’s Son
Result VAN 3-2
Orwell’s record deserves some recognition in an entire media piece about fighting. This fight was their 2nd of the season, and they were the first player to chalk up a 2nd win. They also beat up the GM’s Son! Can you imagine?


MOST HONOURABLE DUEL
COL vs STL 10/27/2039
Jussi Mutou vs Crazy Tomato results in DRAW
Result: COL 5-4
Both the Scare Crows and Raptors are packing enforcers. Valeria Serapin vs Bog Damsel is the fight we all want to see. However, this game featured two other players who have only this fight on their season stat card. Looking at statistics, Mutou has the higher aggression here but these two are evenly matched in the fight stat. I bet Serapin and Bog Damsel enjoyed watching someone else go at it for a change. I love that this was both fighter’s first fight of the year. I love that it was a draw. I love that it was a 1 goal game. I love that neither enforced even got involved. I like to imagine Tomato and Mutou shook each other’s hands as the refs broke up the fight.


PUT THE TEAM ON MY BACK
DET vs STL 11/18/2039
Emil Karlsson vs Bog Damsel
Result: DET 5-4 OT
Just to be clear, this award is for the best LOSS in a fight this year.
Deciding you’re going to toss the gloves off against Bog Damsel should get you some minor military award. Not the purple heart, but like a bronze mouthguard or something. Karlsson has no history of fighting in S72 or S73. Nonetheless, he answered the call against Damsel. He will never see those teeth again. But he did give the Falcons the juice they needed to pull off an OT win.


SMJHL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMP
Bog Damsel (@honey) 5-1-1 Fight record
How can you not put respect on Bog Damsel’s name, with 5 fight wins??? Let alone answering the bell a total 7 times with a week of sims left to go! They have drawn once, against Newton Campbell of Yukon. The lone loss comes to Billy Hill of Great Falls. At this point, I would be surprised if anyone can eclipse this effort with the week left. But I love the idea of a championship that gets lost DIRECTLY to the other fighter. Maybe come up with two different championship belts: The SMJHL Heavyweight Title and something for the overall end of season best fighter? We haven’t seen much overlap between fight leaders in the J this year, which is too bad. Id love to see rematches, guaranteed bouts when two enforcer’s teams face each other, etc.

Final Observations
Looking at winners vs losers of the fight and winners vs losers of the GAME, there is a 65% chance that your team wins the game if you lose the fight. So, by all means, toss the gloves! Surely nothing will go wrong!
Lastly, the Colorado Raptors are the team most likely to fight with 9 fights this year. As far as winning those fights, they are only the third best in the league. The Kelowna Knights are a fantastic 5-1 this year for the best overall. 2nd place as of now is held by the Great Falls Grizzlies at 3-1.


WC: 1293