we've created a new pair of stats: TSO and SO/M - Total Slime Output and Slime Output/Minute. high tech sensors in the rink can detect slime outputs left by players on the ice and on the boards - it gathers measurements during tv timeouts and retroactively matches slime detected to player movement throughout the course of play. this technology was developed by researchers at University of Oregon doing really important research at the specific request of their famous alum/mascot Puddles Of Duck @Z-Whiz and just rolled out this season for mainstream usage.

philippe eko eel is the perennial leader in this category because he is an eel and much slimier than most players because they are humans who are often less slimy than eels. second in these metrics is almost always red kirkby @Acsolap - he is a human but he's just such an incredible perverted skeezy slimeball that he also oozes slime on the ice at nearly the rate an eel does