Okay, hear me out - my player undergoes a radical transformation into a 20 aggression, 20 strength, 20 fighting behemoth, and this change literally warps the league's rules to become basically MMA on ice (with lavish protections for players down on the ice to limit risk of injury via skates, obviously). Indeed, my player becomes so overpowering strictly based on physical prowess that the league has no option but to bend to my build, which remains 500 (or whatever amount) of TPE is required to maximize those three attributes. There is no penalty for fighting, and my player beats up other players juuuuuust enough to have them be out for the rest of the game, but not enough to affect their long-term health or the remainder of their season. I become the single most powerful weapon in the playoffs because I can take out players for exactly long enough each game to avoid repercussions from the league (given the new rule changes).

What, did you expect me to give myself superhuman reflexes and perfect manual dexterity? Please. We know that's not how a super-soldier serum would work.