Written Option 1

Private Investigator & Reporter I made up for this point task: I would like to never have to follow this player or their agent again.

Owner of scummy media company I also made up for this task: Did you get the scoop I asked for?

PI Reporter: Well I was able to find out that Dave Heinrich does not do anything special to pursue sponsorships on his own. He lets his agent handle that on their own, but does do everything that said agent asks him to do in regards to pursuing sponsorship opportunities.

Scummy Owner: Alright, but why?

PI Reporter: Well when you have a planeswalker who can snap their fingers and manifest an entire alternate reality you do whatever they want you to do I would guess.

Scummy Owner: Did you actually investigate Dave's stance though rather than having us just rely on guesswork?

PI Reporter: After diving through a few of his comments elsewhere I can confirm that he agrees with my stance.

Scummy Owner: What kind of opportunities are they after?

PI Reporter: This agent is the most eccentric individual I ever met. They were sponsored by a company that exclusively makes headphones for guinea pigs.

Scummy Owner: What.

PI Reporter: That is apparently a company trading at six billion dollars on the market. I think they are just a money laundering operation for Dave and his agent, but when I tried to look into it more I came home to find all of my furniture had been moved three inches to the left. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to realize that someone sneaked into your house, moved literally every single piece of furniture, and there was nothing on my security cameras because they were also moved three inches to the left simultaneously to make everything look basically the same?

Scummy Owner: Well if not for the fact that my title explicitly details I am scummy I would give you a vacation here, but instead you can go after that new star in the SMJHL.

PI Reporter: Yes boss.