I got drafted fifth overall to the Ottawa Highlanders 

I literally got into the door before they shoved a nametag on me that said "Molded by humidity" and made a Bane impression? They then said something along "Vengeance"..?

Three dudes in a corner sat and repeated "Hi Bob" to each other in a circle, it was weird but shockingly charming.

From inside the showers I heard someone repeating "DESTROY THE F***ING VALKYRE CAMS" to themselves, I popped my head in and saw them crying in the corner under the running water, they've must've had a rough game of just before I got there. I gave my condolences and turned around to a jump-scare of a big man in a chef hat.

He was awfully close and .. erotic? Maybe a bit sensual even.. 
While throwing out his hand to introduce himself. He shook my hand and brought me in close, whisperered in my ear:

"Welcome to the Highlanders Kid, I'm Frenchie and I'm your Papa now."

I smiled nervously, said my thanks and sat down in my booth. I took a big breath and thought to myself:

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