Marshi: Alright Shiny, here we are, once again.
Shiny Rainbow: Indeed we are, although I'd rather not be.
M: You already told all your friends about this Shiny, you'll either stand up for yourself and we'll do this together or I'm going to do this on my own for you. But i can promise you, you'll not be happy with the results.
SR: Do we really have to?
M: Yes we do have to!
SR: Can i atleast say some nice things before? I mean it's kind of nobodies fault and I'm just a rookie.
M: You can say as many nice things as you want to Shiny. That's why we're doing this together. Because that's the part i would have skipped.

Marshi is smiling with an kinda evelish grin into the camera.

SR: Ok to start off, I want to thank all of my Teammates on the Quebec City Citadels, they are great teammates and I'm glad they are the people around me every day at both practice and at the games. I also want to thank everybody involved with the Citadels locker room, you have created an absolutely awesome place for every person to be in. Every single person there is a great human being or great little QCCbot and has always been nice to me. And i want to thank the Citadels management group who drafted me and gave me the opportunity to be one of a few in a new hatch of super cool owlets. They have done an outstanding job and i wouldn't be surprised if this will be the next Quebec City Dynasty, just like Season 74 to Season 76 but with three cups instead of three regular season titles this time.
M: I see we have already arrived at the problem, that was quick. On the other hand, you were always a fast one.
SR: Yeah, are you sure i have to do this?
M: You or me my friend, it's your choice.
SR: Ok, the Citadels, in my opinion, are the best team of the entire league right now and will be in the future. They have two great goalies, the 3 rookie defensmen they brought in at the draft are a perfect fit in the lineup and every single one of them is doing their absolute best out of the oportunities they get.
M: Unlike you.
SR: Yeah right.

Shiny Rainbow looks really, really sad and there is like a minute of silence.

SR: I feel like i'm not getting any opportunities. The players on the top 2 lines, they are so good. They are carrying this team and they are the main reason for the Citadels success. And then there is me, an unneeded plug in the lineup, playng together on a line with the other rookie who is an unneeded plug and the lone player on the team who is in his last season of junior eligibility and will be in the SHL next season.
And to make things worse, the coach has basically already said before the start of the season that it's also going to be like this next season. Right now I'm looking at two straight seasons of being an unneeded plug in the lineup who is only getting icetime, because there is a rulebook that says that a team has to dress and play 3 lines of forwards. I'm already at a state of mind where i don't really enjoy hockey anymore and i'm mostly like a Zombie when I'm at the rink. I even thought about quitting and giving up hockey altogether already. I was in this situation before and i don't ever wanted to be in this situation ever again.
M: Oh i can remember Shiny, tell them the story.
SR: Alright, remember when we were kids and i was like really really good, so they wanted me to try out with the much older kids and play on both teams for a season?
M: Shiny, i just told you that i can remember but our viewers have to hear this story.
SR: Ok ok, that season, the league the older kids were playing in, there were two teams who were absolutely dominant and alot better than every other team in the league. Everyone knew those two teams would just steamroll the competition and the only two games all season that would matter regarding the cup would be when those two teams play each other. There were no playoffs back then, just a group stage in which every team would play every other team twice. One home and and one away game. Also both teams knew in the end the cup could be decided by the tiebreaker: Scoring Difference. So all season long there was no mercy and blowout after blowout. I was on one of these two teams. The first time the two juggernauts played each other was the away game, but first i had an away game with my own team, the one with Marshi on it, in the morning. We actually won that one and i was pretty happy and afterwards my dad drove me all the way for hours to the next game because they told me they wanted and needed me there for 1 of the 2 deciding games that season. After warming up i ended up being dressed as a 13th forward and not playing a single second. The game ended in a tie, no Overtime no Shootout, just a good old tie. But luckily because i had already played that day and we won i was able to move on quickly.
Then it was time for game two. This time at home and my own team would play on the next day. So we were warming up knowing that whoever wins this game would win the cup. It was an awful game. Most of the older kids had an absolute shit day that day, but i was sitting on the bench as 13th forward once again and at minute 53 when we were already down 6 to 1 i was send out for my very first shift of the game. In the end i was even able to draw a penalty and collected a primary assist, but we still lost the game 2 to 6. And with the game we also lost the cup. But i wasn't sad, i had shown everyone what i can do on the ice and there was nothing i could have done to change the outcome of the game.
At the next practice the coach was mad. He was super pissed. He was loud and grumpy and after almost killing us, with super hard skating drills, he had us lined up and wanted every single player to say what they did wrong at the game and where it was their responsibility that we lost the cup. He asked player after player and then it was my turn. In all seriousness he asked me what i've done wrong and where it was my responsibility that we lost the cup. I was just a tiny little Unicorn back then. I drove for hours to attend game 1 and didn't even get to play and I didn't see any ice time in game 2 until the game was already lost and actually played really well in the brief time i was on the ice at the end. I can't remember what i said but what i wanted to do, but was too scared to do, was getting up and showing him the naughty hoof while I'm on my way out.
M: I would have told this *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* to *bleep* *bleep* his *bleep*. And then i would have *bleep* *bleep* this *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* until he *bleep* *bleep*.
SR: I knew you wouldn't be able to contoll yourself Marshi, that's why i got us a censor button for our setup this time.
M: Oh cmon, i really tried hard to paint a picture there. What a shame noone got to hear this masterpiece.
SR: I got to hear it Marshi and I would use different words to describe what you just said.
M: *bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*
SR: Nope, I'm way too quick for you with that button. Still... That's the story why i don't want to be an unneeded plug in the lineup ever again. I can't be a useless spectator on a cup contender. And that's why the date I'm already looking at at this time of the season is the trade deadline and that's why i'm hoping something will happen before then. I want to become an SHL player after all and I only wish for the opportunity to develop into the best version of myself possible.
M: Alright Shiny well done. You can take a little break now to gather yourself. Meanwhile I'm going to bring some context to our viewers. get ready for the stats and facts:

Marshi takes out her note book and starts clicking around alot.

M: I have to be honest here i still don't understand what this is, but every hockey analytics expert talks about TPE these days. Yeah, you've heard this right. It's called TPE. Some magical statistic everyone agrees on, if you have more of these TPE you are projected to become a better hockey player. And looking at the recent draft class, all the experts have Shiny Rainbow ranked at 3rd overall in TPE right now. Only behind the early season sensation Kim Chaewon who is 2nd in the entire league in goals scored right now and Rocky Gislason who was painted as the possibly biggest star of this draft class all of last year leading up to the draft. And right there after those two already huge names, there she is, my friend Shiny Rainbow, 3rd overall in TPE in her draft class right now.
Meanwhile on her team she ranks for 2nd last in Time on ice per game, almost averaging 2 minutes less than the next player who is 13th on the team in TOI. Compared with the rest of the league she ranks 217th out of 245 total players in TOI. She is also averaging only 11 seconds per game in special teams TOI. Which is dead last on her team and ranks 233rd out of 245 total players in the entire league. Meanwhile 13/15 skaters on the team are averaging atleast 1:30 mintutes per game and 11/15 skaters are averaging atleast 2:30 minutes per game in special teams TOI. My friends look at her:


Shiny Rainbow looks sad, embarrased and a little bit overwhelmed into the camera.


M: The potentially 3rd best prospect of her draft class acording to these TPE experts ranking 217th/245 in TOI and 233rd/245 in special teams TOI. I have absolutely no idea about prespect developement but i'm pretty sure that's not how to do it. Her name is literally Shiny Rainbow and despite her turning nothing into being tied for the teams lead in 5on5 points during the preseason and with no opportunities to stand out offensively, having her offensive game graded tied for 4th on the team with superstar Andrea Morandi, she is getting zero opportunities to shine. But instead she's getting promised that she has to go through this not just this year but also next year aswell.
SR: Can you please stop Marhi, you are turning this into a bitter rant. I love my team and i love the Quebec City Citadels. I'm still smiling whenever i think about the first time i got to wear that jersey. One of the best days ever.
M: But still, you are openly requesting a trade here.
SR: I don't like how you are wording that. But yeah, I guess I'd like to move somewhere else. Somewhere i can get a real opportunity to develop my game for the SHL and where I'm not stuck on the bench for 2 years behind the best offense of the entire league. I just want to be a usefull player on my team. I am also deeply sorry for doing this like... well.. like this... with someone like Marshi...
M: Hey what's that supposed to mean?
SR: Well, you can get a little mean and extreme sometimes.
M: No I don't, others just don't have a thick enough skin.
SR: Still, I am sorry. I mean right when the quarter of the season break started, i basically dissapeared to go home. I'm pretty sure noone back in Quebec City has any idea where i am right now and what i'm doing. I must have missed atleast 2 or 3 optional practices by now, without having told anobody when I'll be back. But i guess they probably don't need me for those neither. Maybe nobody even noticed that i'm gone because everybody is still celebrating the big win streak the team is on right now.
M: Meh, atleast it's still warm here where we are and we can chill at the beach in our swimwear. I bet they can't do that in Quebec City.
SR: No, probably not. Still i just want to thank everyone of my teammates and everyone involved with the Quebec City Citadelles again. And I want to say sorry one more time, especially to the Citadelles management, since i simply ran home instead of going to them. But i guess i was too scared to do that and needed Marshis help for this... And that's basically it. I guess we can turn off the recording now and send this in? Do you think any other team will want to pick me up.... after this...?
M: Don't worry Shiny, everything will work out in the end. And you can bet we can send this in. I'll press the button right now.

Marshi pretends to stop the recording and uploading it, however it's still running. Shiny Rainbow seems kind of relieved but still a little bit sad. She hugs Marshi and gifts her a muffin for help. Then she make starts galloping home along the beach, probably to meet up with her sister.

M: Alright my viewers, since Shiny is gone now it's time to call out a few people to get Shiny a bright new home.

Hey Detroit Falcons, @No Goal @OVOXO
2 of your 3 players at the Right Wing will graduate at the end of the season. Shiny Rainbow could take over your 1st line RW postion next season if you give her a chance. Trade for her!

Hey Great Falls Grizzlies, @SpartanGibbles @Rankle
You only have a single natural Right Winger on the team. And that one will also graduate at the end of this season. You need Shiny Rainbow on your team. Trade for her!

Hey Kelowna Knights, @ThePyroAlpaca @Froste39
You don't have a single natural Right Wing on your roster. Make Shiny Rainbow the shiny Rainbow Knight she always wanted to be and you'll have a bright shining prospect to help out your 15th place offense. Trade for her!

Hey Nevada Battleborn, @JohnFranklinKennedy @fancey13
You may have a ton of natural Right Wingers on the roster but none of them has as much potential as Shiny Rainbow. Also Kiwi Söderberg-Snooks is my favourite player in the entire league, but don't tell Shiny please. Trade for her!

Hey St. Louis Scarecrows, @Jimmysmo27 @cake307
Both of your superstar forwards are going to graduate after this season and you need a new one. That could be Shiny Rainbow. Trade for her!

Hey Vancouver Whalers, @Seany148 @Shiamus
You are a terrible team and you need any help you can get. No, that's it. Just wanted to point that out. 1 win in 16 games and a minus 62 goal differencial? If i was doing this for me instead of for Shiny, I'd say: stay away from me, but.... Trade for her? I guess?

Hey Yukon Malamutes, @Fluw, @Kimar
You don't have a single natural Center on the team. I can send you a highlight tape about me taking faceoffs. It's super easy and i win all of them. The trick is to visit the referee in his lockerroom in a Jason Voorhees costume right before the game. It works every single time. I'd just need your personal address to send you my gametapes. And yeah Shiny could also switch to Center if i make her to. So Trade fo her aswell i guess! But don't foget about me!

And just like that my dear viewers it should be perfect, that should really help Shiny out. Aaaaaaaand send in.


[2757 words]