3. Secret Plans:
The Carolina Kraken celebrated their first 4-Star cup victory in 26 seasons this year, and the source of this victory was fueled by a tightly-kept, carbonated secret. Following this success, rumour out of the Kraken locker room is that every water bottle on the bench will be filled with varying flavours of Dr. Pepper. Water and beer have been outright banned at their home arena, and any Pepper deniers on the team are currently on the trade block. This year and onward, the club will be drafting based on soda preference, instead of organizational need. PED usage (Performance-Enhancing Dr. Pepper) has not yet been cleared by the commissioner of the SMJHL, but the belief is the organization will appeal any decision made against the delicious beverage. According to sources, the team has also reached out to the Doctor for a potential sponsorship agreement, including a Dr. Pepper inspired third jersey, but were rebuffed and served a cease and desist by the parent company.

Word count: 163, +3 TPE
 
7. Winner Winner Chicken:
Sweet, sweet victory (brought to you by Dr. Pepper ™). Being a part of your S81 champion Carolina Kraken squad, I can provide a look behind the curtain of what really lead to this scorching steak towards the cup: the power of friendship. Sure, the team is dotted with an absolute all-star group of talent at forward; Hetaksh, Willis, Chaewon, Koala, Arbwranger, Goostavo etc etc. The club had arguably the best defense pairing in the playoffs with Kenneth Lind and Chuck Stewart. Honza Havran turned in an all-time goaltending performance to let the offensive run their perfect, loosey goosey hockey. But the motivation that fired all of this was the teams desire to win it for Sve7en. To get him that elusive cup that he had been chasing for literal years. To send him off to which ever expansion city he has his eyes on, with a sparkling trophy in tow.

Word count: 151, +3 TPE
 
 9. What’s in a Name?:
There is a plethora of really funny meme names in the SHL (I’m not one of them, Ryan Dino-Nugget Hopkins is my god given name), but to select the best is a challenge. One of my absolute favourites has to be Future Considerations. I recently made a joke in the Kraken locker room that KEL defenseman Bartholomew Aittokallio would be traded for future considerations, and noted that would be a hilarious name for a player. Lo and behold, I’m not nearly as clever as I had hoped, because someone had long beat me to it. Zetterberg, kudos to you. Another personal favourite of mine is Jason Bourne, simply because I can’t not say “Jesus Christ, that’s Jason Bourne” anytime I see the player’s name. Finally, Smitty Werbenjaegermanjensen is a name to never to be forgotten on a list like this. Challenging commentary and jersey designers alike, Smitty carries perhaps the most interesting surname in the game, and perhaps the one with the most consonants. They were definitely referred to Smitty W in school. Honourable mention to the Aittokallio twins, mainly because your parents must hate you to name you like that. I think you’re both great, but maybe find a nickname… like Bart and Art.
 
Word count: 205, +4 TPE
 
12. On The Radar:
Ryan Dino-Nugget Hopkins: A hulking power forward 6’3, 230lb winger drafted 9th overall by Carolina in the last SJMHL entry draft.
Strengths: Lethal shot in the attacking blue paint to hash marks, managing 13 goals and 147 shots in 16:50 ATOI in his rookie season. Exceptional hitting at open ice and along the boards, averaging 1.6 hits per game from the third line. Forced 27 takeaways both, effective with his stick in body in all 3 zones. Clutch factor on display in the playoffs, putting up 9 goals and 16 points through 22 games, including two hattricks in the finals.  
Weaknesses: Skating remains a work in progress, and was reflected in substandard possession stats, reflected in Corsi and Fenwick. As a shoot first winger, many of RDNH’s passes lead to a giveaway, and that ability needs to be developed further to provide offensive options when carrying the puck.  Outside of hitting, defensive stats are subpar and need to be improved to survive in the SHL.
Projection: Based on the potential for marked improvement in his sophomore season, combined with his inherent goal scoring and clutch play on the way to a cup, Hopkins projects to be in the 10-15 range of the SHL draft.

Word count: 204, +4 TPE
 
18. Milestones
https://simulationhockey.com/showthread....pid3652820
+2 TPE