1.

For fan appreciation day this year, the Colorado Raptors have decided to give out fans a commemorative book of Evil Jordan Humphrey’s various evil chants he recites before each game. These demonic chants are meant to drum up the evil deep inside of his soul. Many of these ancient ritualistic chants are taken from the most evil aspects across culture and history.
Evil Jordan Humphrey’s chants are incredibly powerful and not to be taken lightly, which is why it is totally irresponsible for the Colorado Raptors management to have made the decision to unleash this evil on the SMJHL world. One chant, for example, is able to possess a named individual with the soul of a demon. Another is able to bestow the curse of erectile dysfunction on the poor recipient. There are rumors that Evil Jordan Humphrey’s book of chants even includes the powers to summon Evil Jordan Humphrey’s spirit to commit atrocities on enemies.

156 words

3.

Next season, the Colorado Raptors are leaving no stone unturned in their quest to win the cup, led by ideas from Evil Jordan Humphreys. Of course they will be doing the typical offseason regiment, but this time around they will also be doing significant amounts of steroids. Evil Jordan Humphreys has always been on steroids and he is getting the whole gang signed up this offseason. It’s miraculous he was as weak as he was this season given the cocktail of substances in his body at any given moment. The maniac also wants the Raptors to use specially designed elbow pads with Kevlar tips designed to wreak maximum havoc on high hits to the head.
Another idea from the deranged Evil Jordan Humphreys is for the team to use next generation supersonic weaponry developed by the Russians to cause severe migraines for opponents. This is not wear Evil Jordan Humphreys demented ideas for the opposition ends. He also is in favor of threatening the opponents teams families with physical harm; it’s unclear if he is willing to follow through. Another sick and twisted idea of Evil Jordan Humphreys is to spike the opponents water bottles with fast acting laxatives. Finally, he is in favor of bribing the refs.

208 words

4.

Next season, the Colorado Raptors are leaving no stone unturned in their quest to win the cup, led by ideas from Evil Jordan Humphreys. Of course they will be doing the typical offseason regiment, but this time around they will also be doing significant amounts of steroids. Evil Jordan Humphreys has always been on steroids and he is getting the whole gang signed up this offseason. It’s miraculous he was as weak as he was this season given the cocktail of substances in his body at any given moment. The maniac also wants the Raptors to use specially designed elbow pads with Kevlar tips designed to wreak maximum havoc on high hits to the head.
Another idea from the deranged Evil Jordan Humphreys is for the team to use next generation supersonic weaponry developed by the Russians to cause severe migraines for opponents. This is not wear Evil Jordan Humphreys demented ideas for the opposition ends. He also is in favor of threatening the opponents teams families with physical harm; it’s unclear if he is willing to follow through. Another sick and twisted idea of Evil Jordan Humphreys is to spike the opponents water bottles with fast acting laxatives. Finally, he is in favor of bribing the refs.

118 words

12.

Wilhelm Seider is currently projected to be a mid to late first round draft pick in the S82 SHL Draft. It is one of the most promising drafts the league has seen in many seasons, with a high number of impact players at the top of the draft and plenty of depth to be found in the second half of the first through the third round. Wilhelm is a two-way playmaking center who had a strong showing with the Colorado Raptors in his rookie SMJHL season. While the team didn’t achieve its playoff goals, Wilhelm made a name for himself contributing with his complete 200 foot game.
The German prospect is best known for his hockey sense and vision on the ice, smooth stick handling, and ability to rapidly make the best play in front of him. He is adept at getting the puck where it needs to be without hesitation. Wilhelm also showed the ability to finish opportunities, despite not being known as a pure goal scorer or sniper.
What makes Seider an exciting prospect is his complete game; offense, defense, and transition. He pencils out to be a second line Center at the SHL level, with tremendous upside to be a 1C and power play contributer.

207 words

18. Milestones

https://simulationhockey.com/showthread....pid3654978 - 3 TPE