Task #1 - 3 TPE - S59 Charity Drive
You guys freaking rock!

Task #3 - 2 TPE - Fan Appreciation Day

Mainers are a practical people, and as such, our stadium gift for Fan Appreciation Day is a no-brainer - a Maine Timber branded beer koozie.  Moreover, thanks to some slight, one-hundred percent imperceptible stock damage, we were able to secure YETI branded product for the give-away.  That means stainless steel, baby!  

Designed for twelve ounce beer cans, our branded koozie is designed with home uniform colors, the crossed axes emblazoned above the YETI logo.  “Founded in Halifax” is engraved on the bottom of the can,  an homage to the Timber's past.  Maine’s championship seasons - twenty-six and thirty - are engraved on either side of the can’s rim.  The gift will be given for the first home game of season sixty.  Go Trees!

Task #8 - 3 TPE - Rookie Season Evaluation

As outlined in a previous post, a crippling video game addiction hampered my ability to contribute at the start of the season.  Consequently, I started the year on rocky footing, making a fool out of both myself and Starfleet.  As the year progressed, however, I overcame my addiction and focused more intently on my training.  I became more comfortable with the thread based nature of the league, and as a result, improved gradually in the most important area of a fourth liner’s game - defensive responsibility.  I entered the playoffs with a simple goal: bring some energy to the team as a role-player who could provide secondary scoring.  I would like to think I played a small role in our round one victory over the outlaws, netting the game winner in the third tilt of the series.  For next season, I would like to improve my skating ability while also continuing my defensive improvements.  With positioning, stick-checking, and defensive read ratings of eleven, I am on my way to becoming a two-way forward who can contribute in both the offensive and defensive zones. 

Task #9 - 2 TPE - Most Thrilling Playoff Series

Like the great Jack Edwards, I am an incorrigible homer incapable of appreciating the accomplishments and abilities of other teams.  Unsurprisingly, I found the Timber’s round one victory over the Anaheim Outlaws to be the most thrilling series of the playoffs.  Shamefully, this series marked the first time I watched a stream in full, and boy did it not disappoint.  The Trees swept an Anaheim team with red hot goaltending, dancing with Ke$ha to playoff glory.  In addition, watching the stream revealed that Anaheim’s goal song is Marty Robbins’s “Big Iron,”  which is prominently featured in Fallout New Vegas.  This was a surefire sign from the hockey gods that the SHL is where I am supposed to be.

Task #11 - 3 TPE - Offseason Plans 

I have one word for you dear reader - Risa.  What better way to recuperate from a playoff loss than visiting the jewel of the Risian Hedony, a veritable paradise with pristine beaches, perfect weather, and…friendly…locals.  This guy will be soaking up the sun for two weeks, sipping drinks under Risa’s dual moonlight, a zephyr breeze lulling me to sleep.  Have no fear!  Unlike Picard, I will not be wasting my time on an archaeological dig or some other bullshit.  This trip is all about rest and relaxation.

I cannot spend the entire offseason drinking, however.  After my brief stay on Risa, I will utilize the Enterprise’s state of the art Holodeck to train with the game’s all time greats.  I’m taking fighting technique with Gordie Howe; suicides with the Miracle on Ice squad; the key card to Gretzky’s office.  The only drawback?  There is a non-zero chance Professor James Moriarty escapes the Holodeck, plunging the SHL into chaos.