We're going to make some changes to the camber of the ice. That's the pitch angle. So we are going to set the middle faceoff circle as the high point of the ice and then have it slope down to the backboard at between a 2-3% gradient, depending on what the engineering crew at AECOM recon we can practically achieve. To highlight this want might appear as a subtle change we are going to add chevron paint under the ice to highlight to the audience the direction of the slop.
Now this might not sound like much but it is going to massively affect the play on the ice.
First it's going to make getting out of your half much harder as you will be going up hil, but likewise, once you can get it halfway you should have a decent speed advantage in the attacking half.
Second it is going to create some weird direction changes to the puck as it travels up the slop and over the peak. Which I expect our skaters to adjust to and I think will make for some impressive passes and shots even.
In my proposed idea of "extreme" Simulation Hockey League, first thing changed would be the ice, instead of being painted on lines, the blue lines would be carved out to a shallow depth and would be filled with water, so players would have to hop over them into and out of their zones. This would also make offsides easier to call. Next, the goalies net would be made out of barbed wire, to make players who crash the net pay for it big time. Faceoffs would also be changed drastically, instead of the traditional center vs center, the puck would be dropped from the ceiling and any player can go after it, but both teams start at their own blue water line instead of around the circle. The glass and boards on the sides of the rink would be changed to a WWE style steel cage, for a more visually and audibly exciting effects after hits along the cage.
To add a little excitement to the SHL, we have a two part plan to add a few tweaks during game time. For starters, all games will be played outdoors. I'm not talking about the polished winter classics, but full on homemade outdoor rinks taken even a step back. No board, just snowbanks around the rink. Meaning bodies are going to be flying over the 'boards' on any well placed hit. Similarly, if a team sends a puck out of play, they'll have to send someone on the ice out to retrieve the pucks and bring them back before faceoff. We're also not skipping because of weather. We watch football games being played with a foot of snow, so why not SHL games? This will be problematic for teams like LAP and TBB but i'm sure they'll make it work. The second change we're making is that all teams must have their mascot present on the sidelines for all games. Need a little boost to entertainment? Well why not tune in to the next CGY v. NOL game, where there's literally a dragon and a ghost chilling on the sidelines. Again, these teams are on their own to figure out how to make it work.
Sigs: Thanks JNH, Lime, Carpy, and ckroyal92
Cyanide Registered
S11, S18 Challenge Cup Champion
Posts:1,239 Threads: 16 Joined: Mar 2012 Reputation:9
Pronouns: Undisclosed
To make the rink more extreme, a few of my ideas would be a start. For one thing the ice would never be fully frozen. The rink would still be solid but would be much more wet with a touch of slush. After that is done all helmets and cups are being removed. If you want to block a shot you have got to run the risk of loosing your head or balls to the puck. Another thing that would be implemented would be to add more imperfection to the ice. These obstacles would include pylons, mounds of ice and smaller walls that can be used to bank the puck in various ways or to block pathways. Each game would have these obstacles change locations, causing each game to be different. By reducing the quality of ice, reducing necessary equipment, and adding more obstacles to the players, this would allow for a more extreme game of hockey.
In professional wrestling there is a match called War Games. The match has two rings which are surrounded by a salad steel cage. One member of each team starts in the ring and every few minutes another teammate enters. One team has the advantage for a bit. I would employ something similar to the games. Two players will have to fight for two minutes straight. After two minutes, one team will be randomly selected and their player may enter, making it a 2 on 1 situation. Then the other team can send a guy in. But the first guy might be beaten to a pulp then, hard to say if the odds will be even. This continues until all twelve players are on the ice, goalies included. Only then can a goal be scored. The game will then continue like normal playing the rest of the three periods under normal rules. It will definitely produce some interesting results.
The obvious answer is to turn hockey into skateboarding Wipeout. Make all of the boards actually halfpipes so players can go up and over each other and do sweet tricks and stuff. Then add big spinny obstacles everywhere so you can check someone into one and have them go flying off in a corner for a minute. Make sure the ice past the net is all melted and now a pool of water to discourage icing and give you somewhere fun to fly into when you go too fast. Taking shots is riskier too cause it just goes in the water if you miss. Sometimes people will just get knocked into the water by the obstacles too. Hockey would be so much more interesting with these additions. They add a lot of skill to the game and a lot of flair. Make the pucks and sticks oversized so people can see what's going on.
The SHL would have to make a very big change to draw some attention away from the national hockey league. The big change in my opinion should be the involvement of more big hits. Kind of like what the XFL did back in the day. The SHL should try to capture some of the extreme sport fans and use that as leverage against the NHL to market against them and then begin to steal some of the regular fans because the SHL popularity would grow. The increase of extreme hits, shots, and saves would make the game more of an action type environment which would make the players become bigger and stronger than they are now to be able to compete in such an extreme setting for over a long season. I think increasing the amount of equipment that is used on the ice would be also good for both getting company sponsorships and then increasing player safety with the increase of high octane plays that would be happening.
Easiest thing to do would be to add poles on the ice, in a few different locations. In the middle of the offensive zones, below the circles in each zone, and here and there in the neutral zone. Get caught with your head down? Get blasted into a pole. It would also allow for more offensive creativity to use the poles as a way to avoid defenders, but just hope you don't get taken out by one.
Another thing would be to have all the glass on the boards be breakable glass. That way you can put someone through the glass on a hit in a much easier manner. No need to replace the boards after, as then it's on the players to avoid shooting the puck through the glass. Delay of game penalty if they do. Glass gets replaced between each period.
And lastly, no overtime or shootout. 5v5 line brawl to determine who wins the game. Forces teams to get more physical players as well, as if the game doesn't end in regulation, those goons finally have purpose!
After signing this new deal, some new additions were implemented to the existing conditions. First off, every team may assign three skaters on the team to have rockets strapped to their skates, which can be controlled by the captain of the team. The alternates are legally allowed to take over this duty if the captain is injured as a direct result of someone using the rocket skates. Further more, the sticks have added a flail to the butt end, which you are allowed to use with no repercussions. The ice surface remains fairly similar, except certain spots are randomly designated as "kill zones", which feature new "pogo technology" which will send a player who hits this spot about ten feet into the air. While only taking up a square foot of the rink, there are a dozen of them. And they are placed randomly by a computer before each game, so you'll never get the same rink twice.
Dunder Mifflin paper has just inked a huge deal to work with the SHL to bring the SHL to cable TV on the Dunder Mifflin television network. The first change that will be made will be to implement flonkerton, the national sport of Icelandic paper companies and famed Office Olympics favorite to the SHL. From now on, all players on the ice must append large stacks of packaged paper to the end of their skates and attempt to move around the ice as such, replacing the blade on the end of the boot. This will undoubtedly slow the game down a little, but since flonkerton is such a renowned sport worldwide, hopefully national audiences from Iceland and other European countries will begin to tune in to the SHL. Secondly, we are going to be adding in goal posts above the goal where a player can choose to shoot it like a field goal for 1/4 of a goal instead of a whole goal by scoring in the net.
IN 2025, The big city New York gangster shock jocks need to market the SHL to the lesser intelligentsia. However, the good government league of the Global States of America suggest the SHL must HYPE it up little bit. So, to make things more extreme, the players have been promoted to do PROMOS, have blood feuds, very WWE style. Dick Clapper will have choreographed fights with his arch nemesis, Poopity Scoop, Eko Van Otter will have a cage match with Mitchell van Der Heijden to prove who is the true alpha male, etc.
When the novelty of promotion wears off, and people realize they have been tricked, the SHL will once again have to amp it up. Unfortunately, the line of entertainment and reality has now become so blurred that players have agreed to sacrifice a player/prospect each time a game is lost. The player will be coerced and set ablaze on live TV so NBC sports can receive epic television rankings and their advertisers will surely love all of the new viewership.
notorioustig IIHF Federation Head
Toast's Idiot of the Year 2021
I think an interesting change could be made purely off the ice without altering the game we love too much. Here's what I'm thinking: randomized coaching staffs. Before each season in FHM, each team is assigned a randomly created coaching staff rather than the standardized one. Some may be good, some may be horrifically incompetent. While this wouldn't stop good teams from being good or cover up bad teams, it could introduce an element of chaos into fights for seeding or playoff races at the bottoms of each division. Plus people just love lotteries, you can make a whole event and tv special about it, it would be endless podcast fuel, hot takes flying everywhere. In fact, the Seattle Argonauts have already unwillingly piloted this program, as we discovered the other day that for our entire existence we've been playing with an FHM coaching staff that is remarkably sup-par compared to the identical coaches given to each of the other teams.
The Simulation Hockey League's Canadian TV Broadcasting rights have been purchased by Sportsnet Canada, after winning a bidding war over TSN, Canada's other sports network. Surprisingly, TSN, whose parent company is Bell Media, was outbid. This is surprising because Bell Media recently laid off a large number of its sports broadcasting employees, days after the #BellLetsTalk media campaign that focuses on Canadian mental health initiatives. Very nice of Bell to do such a thing. With this noted, we can begin to focus on the requirements set forth by Sportsnet upon coming to an agreement with the SHL's Head Office. The first agreement is that every Canadian SHLer and SMJHLer that has a Canadian phone plan must cancel their deal with Bell Media, and get a new phone with Sportsnet's parent company, Rogers. Also, every SHL Team must now have Sportsnet and Rogers branding on the ice surface, and the blue line must be filled with the hashtag #Bell Lets Talk About How #BellLetsTalk is a sham and Bell is a shitty company! Welcome to Sportsnet baby :peepocool: