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CrazyMojito · 07-18-2021, 07:56 PM

So I have this jacket during the colder months that I really like, its warm and it fits me well. Only problem is is the pockets aren't very deep and I hate having my wallet in my back pocket. So into the not very deep pocket it goes followed by out of the not very deep pocket and on to the ground. Since its always cold in Edmonton, I wear this jacket a lot and it was only a matter of time before the wallet falls out and I don't notice. But someone else does... someone who has lived in Edmonton their whole life and decided they were gonna go on a trip somewhere tropical.

Turns out this person was able to purchase a round trip to an all inclusive resort in Cancun, Mexico, board the plane which takes off from Edmonton and lands in Cancun. It wasn't until they tried to purchase an excursion and the credit card company call to confirm I wanted to visit Chichen-Itza did I realize my wallet was gone. Needless to say the person was downgraded from a 5 Star Hotel to a 5'x5' Mexican prison cell and the air line company credited back all the purchases out of embarrassment that 5'2" woman passed through their security as a 5'11" male athlete.

TomHanks · 07-18-2021, 07:57 PM

Obviously the most embarrassing thing to Jakob Hamr would be to appear weak or inferior in a physical confrontation to someone else. So, the clear plot by whoever has stolen my identity would be to start a bar fight and then absolutely beef it. I mean rush in there willy nilly with the most telegraphed punches imaginable and then hit the deck the second the other person lands a single strike across the jaw. For good measure, I bet they’d make it against someone small and obviously feeble. It would be damn near impossible for Jakob’s reputation to handle the security footage of such an event. Fortunately, as we all know, Jakob’s fighting style begins with a quick jab with his non dominant left hand which causes his opponent to be off balance, at which point the strong right hook will connect. Anyone else impersonating Jakob will open up with the signature right hook, thus exposing the fact that it is an imposter.

juke · 07-18-2021, 07:57 PM

It was truly a shock for Jukka Timonen to wake up to the news that someone had stolen his identity, considering even jukka himself doesn't even want this identity. So it was quite a surprise that someone would willingly choose to become him. The fake social media posts that were made didn't bother him since he never posted online much anyways, so the erroneous tweets about how he was the best defenseman in the SHL and deserved individual accolades - while simultaneously calling other players out - didn't reach that big of an audience. The stolen finances were a bit more of a hassle to deal with. Luckily for timonen, there was not too much damage to his bank account considering he's never been worth more than the salary minimum in his career, so there wasn't too much to steal compared to some of his better SHL counterparts. However, the culprit did more damage to pride than finances, because he used the stolen bank account information to buy instructional videos on how to improve slapshot accuracy as well as reduce turnovers via stronger skating. It is suspected that it was actually an inside job, with Corey Kennedy remaining the prime suspect after being frustrated at his recent decline this season, which he blames entirely on Timonen as his new defensive partner.

***SDCore*** · 07-18-2021, 08:43 PM

My identity has been stolen, but not for evil however, it was stolen to have a little fun. Corey Kennedys Chicago Syndicate teammates know how against social media he is. So they used wife in order to find good pictures and created him an instagram account without him knowing. They take sneaky videos and pictures of him, when he is not paying attention or with wrong premises and gave him a social media presence. They have been quite successful as well, as they were able to get him a lot of follows, so much so that during the last home game, his insta was posted on the big board during a time out. He looked up at the board to see a picture of him laying on his patio with Saoirse, his dog, and was utterly confused. He looked around the bench and Gunnar and Shep just started busting up laughing. Apparently they have been doing this charade for over a year without him knowing and now he is forced on having a successful instagram that he is maintaining himself. He has decided he quite likes it however, as it is a good tool for him to do fan outreach, community outreach, and all of his charity events.

Bongo · 07-18-2021, 08:51 PM

Adam Friedland checks his phone only to discover that his entire robinhood account has been compromised. The memelord daytrader hacker bought approximately 1000 AMC stocks, setting back Friedland 30,000. Friedland simply smirked as he knew the mother of all short squeezes awaited him. Then he checked his twitter: The hacker really INSULTED Hockey talk tonight and praised Rich and Luke's podcast. This is totally uncharacteristic of Friedland, so the entire SHL sphere knew something was up. Then, Friedland checked his banking info: 10,000 dollars worth of recording equipment and extra small condoms.. Friedland was vaguely aware that he thought he knew who this was, but decided to check his facebook account first. He could not believe it: Friedland updated his status: I REQUEST A TRADE. I HATE PHILADELPHIA. TRADE ME TO NEW ORLEANS. Obviously the GM blew up Friedlands phone after this. After a few bad PR campaigns, this is the LAST thing he needed!

supertardis101 · 07-18-2021, 08:54 PM

PBE PT - https://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/...t&p=338626

Out of Toast · 07-18-2021, 08:54 PM

So after a great weekend with friends I came home and finally got service on my phone to find 100s of notifications and I knew it could only mean either A) I'v been traded or B) Some bad stuff just went down or wild card c) Wishing I got traded depending on what went down. I open up my phone to see someone has hacked into my instagram and twitter and is wreaking havoc on the SHL. "I" have apparently been going after everyone from GMs, Teammates and apparently who ever did it had a very large hatred for a equipment manager on Manhattan for whatever reason. Besides them talking trash they apparently decided to leak my address as well as some of my families, Post some very scandalous photos of some random guy pretending to be and ended up getting all my accounts locked up, Will I be able to get my account back? Will I be able to find out who this person is? Guess only time will be able to tell.

AW13 · 07-18-2021, 09:02 PM

PBE PT

***JKortesi81*** · 07-18-2021, 09:27 PM

ISFL PT

Spartan · 07-18-2021, 09:36 PM

Well, if Leon's identity was stolen, it certainly would be a bit of a problem. Leon recently realized that hockey may not be the most sustainable source of income in his life, so he decided to take up a part time job as an accountant. While it's busy work, and perhaps duller than hockey, it is some nice pocket change coming in. With that though, he's been able to save up quite a nice chunk of change so having his identity stolen would be an issue.

Perhaps the first thing that Leon would do is freeze his credit card and try to change as many passwords and PINs as possible. Report the activity to his bank and whatever other sources he may need to report it to. When he'd call upon his fellow Zerkers to find the thief's location, take their hockey sticks and jeeps, and then go beat the shit out of the perpetrator.

***JaytheGreat*** · 07-18-2021, 09:37 PM

Jakub never really took his online security seriously, and would use the same password for everything. One day he got a call from his bank that someone was spending a lot of money on a lot of suspicious things for the past day. Most of the purchases were from door dash were the food was getting send to somewhere over in Chicago. Those were already delivered so there wasn't a way to get the money back from that, what he could get money back from was all the crappy Chicago Blackhawks apparel the thief bought. But he did decided to keep the autographed Patrick Kane jersey he just had it sent to his house in Boston. Not only did he steal Jakub's credit card but he also got into Jakub's social media accounts. Nothing he was posted on the account itself but everyone in his DM was apparently fair game for the hacker, it took a few days to get that all situated.

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows

MrStennett · 07-18-2021, 09:47 PM

Barrett Blackwood's identity has been stolen and the information subsequently used to change his name legally to William M. Buttlicker. There could be only one culprit behind this grave injustice: Barrett's younger brother, Garrett. Garrett has always been jealous of Barrett's success in his athletic endeavors, mostly because he barely has the coordination to bend over and tie his shoes without falling on his face. While Barrett was always the first kid picked at recess to be on the kickball or basketball team, Garrett was usually asked to be the ref or something else that kept him from playing at all. Now, Garrett has finally found a way to get back at his brother for a life of shame that truly has nothing to do with him. All Barrett knows is that he has to get a handle on this situation quickly, otherwise his jersey is going to read BUTTLICKER for the rest of his career.

Code:
156 words

JSS331 · 07-18-2021, 09:51 PM

It was a strange day when Guy O'Sheas phone started blowing up with interview requests and twitter activity. Not normally one to draw much attention, it was strange when his twitter all of the sudden started to blow up. It was not his doing but that of a hacker who got control of his account. What transpired was a series of tweets challenging the GM and leadership of the Hamilton Steelhawks. Things like trade all of the players, we suck, and other controversial things ended up getting posted. Of course this created a lot of drama which was unwanted and clearly handled within the organization. It did create a very big storm from the twitter trolls who ganged up on Guy and gave him some serious crap online. He took the high road and did not engage but it would harm his public image again. Just recovering from the deodorant recall, this was not really what he wanted to have distracting him from winning another cup.

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166 words

FlappyGiraffe · 07-18-2021, 10:05 PM

oh no some guy stole my simulation hockey league player known as aleksander kozlov who is currently a player in the simulation hockey leagues division that is located in one of the conferences on the simulation hockey league franchise that is widely known and loved called the tampa bay barracuda has had his identity stolen on the internet by an identity burglar oh no this is very bad for simulation hockey league player aleksander kozlov of the tamap bay barracuda. aleksander kozlov my player has looked on his friends phone to see his twitter acount posting garbage about tampa bay barracuda being a BAD team and that he has requested a trade. this is very bad news for our friend aleksanderk ozlov cause he loves playing in tamap and tampa is not a bad team it is awesome so our hero alkesander kozlov would have to report the account hacked and make an apology to the fans and explain situation to the tampa bay barracuda faithful.

Huck24 · 07-18-2021, 10:06 PM

Lyle isn't very social media savvy, so when his Twitter account was hacked, he didn't even know it was happening. Lyle typical only sends a few tweets a week, so he started to think something was up when when people he knew well started to mention some of the tweets they had seen come from his account. Lyle checked his account and saw that someone had been posting with his account and it wasn't him. The posts were pretty great though, they were written well and absolutely nothing that would be cconsidered in poor taste. Lyle had no idea what to do, so he brought this to the attention of the Specters media department. They all agreed that the new tweets were terrific and began the process of trying to figure out who was doing this. After some digging, they figured out who was responsible for this. Turns out it was a Specters super fan, Dave McDonald, who had just wanted to help Lyle's social media presence improve. He explained that he wanted to help and that he tried to gain access to Lyle's account and did so relatively easily, guessing his password on the first try with 'Specters#1. Dave is now employed by the Specters and oversees all player and team social media accounts.

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