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enigmatic · 07-13-2015, 08:57 PM

With all the backtapping going on in this place, I figured I'd do something similar for the Knights. Since I do not have the patience to do a review of every single game we played, I'll just talk about my teammates. And make money while doing it.

Let’s face it: We weren’t hot at the beginning of the season. Luckily, our archenemies the Whalers were as terrible. "Were"... oh wait.
All over Kelowna, mothers had to explain to their children why the Knights were 4-5-1 in their first 10 matches. “Patience, son, with Jedi and Kel at the helm, we can only win.” “Kel and Jedi? Make some sense, woman” (I'm guessing pre-teens today totally speak to their mom like that :ph34r: ) “Code names for Dan and Paul, son, code names. Knights fans are that cool.” Indeed, they are.
Faith was rewarded when we stopped sucking and even had a six games winning streak. We’re third in the league now so the Eastern teams can calm the hell down. Randy might win his bet and not have to use a Whalers sig for a while. His honour is safe. We’re also first on the powerplay, converting almost 30% of our chances and we’re second in PK. I don't wanna brag, but I'm on the first powerplay unit. Okay, screw it, I'll brag. Here I go: I'M ON THE FIRST POWERPLAY UNIT. Our centers are super good too, 3 of them being in the top 10.
Also got to mention how we're first in the power rankings. Important stuff right there. Whatever that is. I'm a simple woman. I see the Knights first somewhere and I need to talk about it.

NOW A SHOOTOUT TO EVERYBODY, EVEN THE INACTIVES. BECAUSE MONEY…
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I mean… Because I love you guys. Go Knights?
Xander Mole – He got one assist by playing less than 1 minute per game. Now, that my friends, is talent.
Nikolaus Scholz – I always mention it when I talk about him but I am going to rub it in whoever’s face. NIK IS WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN AN F. He has been promoted to the second line recently and he is doing pretty well for us. He has a very respectable total of 14 points in his rookie season after being on the third line for most of the year. He also keeps improving in the faceoff circle every week, which is really helpful for any team. He's very active in the locker room too and we all enjoy talking with him. Also, I'm sorry I butchered your name most of the year. In my book, Germans just include as many consonants as possible :ph34r: .
Kristjan Vilhjalmsson – Our famous Viking! He may look like a solitary wolf and think he is better than most of us (who can blame him though, look at dat point total) but in the locker room, he has proven to be an amazing teammate. He has the success of the team at heart and we are all very proud to see him do so well in his rookie season. He takes a lot of pride in his passing and has no doubts helped linesmates Abodobe and Randleman get such a high amount of points. Also worth noting, he is the only player not on the Falcons to be in the Top 10 +/-. Keep making us proud, Vil.
Jonathan Lundberg – Next to the word “selfless” in the dictionary, there is a picture of Lundy. Undrafted and underappreciated, Jonathan has nothing on his mind but the success of our team. Always the first to congratulate a teammate on an achievement and also to show interest in my team projects (I don't know why I say that like it's an accomplishment, my projects are awesome :( ), Jon is such an amazing guy to have on any team. He scored his first goal recently and we are all really happy for him. Things are starting to work for him.
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Hugh Johnson – Hugh was pretty much the biggest surprise of the preseason. We were terrible, I mean, worse than the Whalers, and then Kel/Jedi decided to put him on the first line and everything started clicking. He since moved to the third line but keeps being awesome on the powerplay.
Fredrik Zavstrom – Fredrik doesn't see much ice time but he is still bringing a lot to the team with his excellent play on the penalty killing. I've never seen him in the locker room though so there's only so much I can say about him. I mean, I can make things up but I'm not that good.
Reginald Howard – Seeing him in the locker room is about as rare as pope’s shit but that takes nothing away from his usefulness on the ice. Not only is he the most physical Knight by far, but he also contributes quite a lot on the score sheet, with his 20 goals and 19 assists.
Randy Randleman – Seventh in points, the Knights’ captain is having a much better season than last year. A leader both on and off the ice, Randy might be the reason why almost all of our players update on a regular basis. Would I be that motivated if I wasn’t welcomed as I was by our captain? Maybe not. When I found everything hard to understand and felt like I was not “one of the guys” as is often the case when you arrive somewhere new, Captain Randleman was there to help me feel at home :((. Sorry guys... Where was I? Oh, yeah, Randy's game. A shooting machine, Randleman is currently second in the league in total shots. His strategy is paying off, since he scored 24 goals. Even the shots that do not find their way past the goalie help his linesmates set up plays and Adam Abodobe can be grateful to be playing with him. The Dragons made no mistake selecting this guy at the number one spot.
Tony Flow – Tony came a bit late to the league and it hurt his development. He is not seeing much ice time but he has a very strong presence in the locker room. He wanted to be a part of the team as soon as he arrived and jumped on the occasion with our first team article. He is an amazing teammate, a funny guy, and a hardworking player. He's gonna kill it next year.
Peklo Palffy – Yeah. Peklo. Great guy… I think? Plays an average of 1 minute per game so I think we can pass on him. It’s pretty impressive that he scored one goal with that playtime, though. I think he might just be taking care of the water bottles because he's nowhere on the lines page thing.
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Ivan Koroviev – One of the best teammates you could ask for, Ivan is a very active guy in our locker room. He’s really funny and makes everyone’s stay more enjoyable. He is also contributing offensively to the team and is reliable defensively. He is a disciplined player too, serving only 6 minor penalties this season. I guess punching Justin Bieber is as therapeutic as it sounds so you don't feel like hitting people as much after. Also worth mentioning: he has the best taste in music on the team.
Dr. Timeturner Whooves – Seems like she is back from Poneyville and that is great news for us. Dr. Whooves is doing good work on the second line, keeping her point total high and her penalty minutes low.
She. 'Cause she's totally a girl. Yep.
Adam Abodobe – It’s hard to ask anything extra from Adam this year, as he is battling for the first place in points in the SMJHL. He might be a little weird but he is talented and the Knights might not be in such a good position this season if not for him.
Tom Berkis – I played with him during the preseason and we kicked ass. But now I’m playing with Ivar. Who’s actually active. Which is cool. Tom has decent enough numbers and is a physical player which is unfortunately lacking on our roster.
Stacker Pentecost – I would laugh at the Scarecrows for dumping this guy but I'm quite glad they did. He might be an inactive but he still has 40 points since he started playing for us. I'll gladly keep collecting the assists on his plays on the powerplay.
Richard D’Amour – Richard hasn't exactly been "hot" since he landed on our team and I could forgive him if he wrote that he was actually a Knight in his sig. Come on, man! Look, I’m cool with the Whalers playoff sig thing (or I can pretend to be?) but at least change your dropdown sig! Anyway, points are not everything and he does good work on the penalty killing. So he has that going for him. Which is nice.
Ryan McDonagh –
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Seriously? It says he played all of the Knights' matches but he is nowhere to be found on the lines list. I don't really want to know, guys. I'm just sayin'.
Ryan Woito – Ryan is doing what is asked of a fourth liner. 14 points, stays out of trouble and plays well on the penalty killing. Never seen his kind before, Ryan... By that I mean I never saw him online.
Matt Veenstra – Matt, wherefore art thou? Matt is a pretty chill guy and we all miss him (he hasn't posted for 4 days which is weird guys, I'm telling you, weird, we should go look for him). He is doing a good job at the blue line for us with his 13 points. One would believe he would have more points, playing on the powerplay and all but our one-man advantage still works pretty well although he doesn’t get credited with many points.
Jukka-Emil Vanaja – When Jukka shoots, Jukka scores. On his 12 shots this year, our only Finn teammate scored 3 goals. But hey, we don’t look to him to score goals. Jukka is a defense-oriented player. He always gives us quality minutes and patrols our zone like a champ.
Ivar Ogorodnikov – Half man, half cat, my defense partner might not be the most active in the locker room, but he knows his shit. Third on the team for hits given, he does the dirty work that I just can’t do without looking like a moron (look at me. I push someone and I'm the one falling over). Together, we have an outstanding total of 63 points and it's juuuuuust getting better. He is also second on the team in +/-. You go, partner.
Dominic Weber – Credited with three fights, you don't want to mess with Dominic Weber. Even if he plays only 8 minutes per game, he spent more than 60 calling the penalty box home. He’s +9 too so he does a good job keeping the puck out of our net.
ZzJack's Robot Berlin – Ok I know what I said about money but this is ridiculous. I'm talking about Jack's robot fillers now. Has he ever even started in a match? Oggy is the bomb but even he needs to rest... Right? Anyway, we don’t really want him to start because he loses every. single. time. Damn it, Robot Berlin! We trusted you! You were our brother! You were supposed to stop the other teams from scoring against us, not leave our red light on for the entire game!
Igor Ogorodnikov – Igor has (almost) always helped us to keep matches close and give us a chance to win. We have not always been the most supportive team defense-wise, as is proven by the total of shots he had to face, but the fact that we are third in the SMJHL proves that Igor saved our sorry asses on a few occasions. Those 7-1 or 6-1 victories are our way of saying thanks, Oggy.

So yeah after this reading nightmare (paragraphs are so not "in" right now), I guess I should give my word count, right? 2012. That's right. 2015 words B) (three more there, guys, try to follow)... Randy will put this in word counter anyway so I'm not sure why I bothered.

GO Knights

GO!

Slappydoodle · 07-13-2015, 09:05 PM

Great article, great team.

Go Knights Go!
Knights

:ahh!:

**Rich** · 07-13-2015, 09:09 PM

I couldn't ask for a better group of teammates. Love my Knights!

Knights

***Ohtaay*** · 07-13-2015, 09:11 PM

Ps: I grade the articles this week.

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karlssens · 07-13-2015, 09:24 PM

awww shucks, such nice words about all our teammates. great article.
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Muerto · 07-13-2015, 09:31 PM

#GKG

enigmatic · 07-13-2015, 09:32 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Ohtaay@Jul 13 2015, 09:11 PM

Ps: I grade the articles this week.

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Smirnov Light · 07-13-2015, 09:35 PM

Ballerstorm · 07-13-2015, 09:37 PM

Such a great article, pretty much what we've come to expect from you. Knights

thanks for the awesome words as well.

BTW whooves is a "she"

enigmatic · 07-13-2015, 09:42 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Ballerstorm@Jul 13 2015, 09:37 PM
Such a great article, pretty much what we've come to expect from you. thanks for the awesome words as well.

BTW whooves is a "she"

Of course she is... o:-)

Mark H · 07-13-2015, 09:47 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Ohtaay@Jul 13 2015, 08:11 PM

Ps: I grade the articles this week.

Doc her points for not shouting out the vets Wink

Ballerstorm · 07-13-2015, 09:49 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Mark H@Jul 13 2015, 05:47 PM

Doc her points for not shouting out the vets

Harter sucks

enigmatic · 07-13-2015, 09:52 PM

Quote:Originally posted by Mark H@Jul 13 2015, 09:47 PM

Doc her points for not shouting out the vets

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SparkyOG · 07-13-2015, 10:14 PM

I hate how u beat us, but i must say u guys are a hell of a team!!

Ballerstorm · 07-13-2015, 10:36 PM

Quote:Originally posted by SparkyOG@Jul 13 2015, 06:14 PM
I hate how u beat us, but i must say u guys are a hell of a team!!

Behold the new name!

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