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Economic Turmoil In The SHL An Investigative Report
#1

Growing up, children are told they can be whatever they want, as long as they work hard and apply themselves. Many dream of being astronauts, lawyers, doctors or professional athletes. However, many are finding that life is not nearly as luxurious as anticipated, when you are an SHL player.

The presence of the SHL and it’s junior league, the SMJHL, has led to predatory hyperinflation in the cities that house a franchise. Despite, or possibly in spite of, the presence of many young multi-millionaires, some are saying the prices are so extravagant that they simply cannot make ends meet playing hockey anymore.

A Halifax Raider player, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told us that ‘many players are picking up second jobs to make ends meet. A few guys are pulling a salary, crunching numbers. Many have taken to working as department managers or freelance writers. I’ve ever heard of Reed Laing prostituting on weekends, and also week days. Almost everyone is pulling down a second job, trying to keep a roof over their heads.

I always thought that signing my first pro contract would leave me wealthy enough to provide for my parents, as a thank you for their sacrifice. After I pay for equipment and my personal trainer, though, I’m basically broke. More and more, you’re hearing about several players bunking down together to keep costs low. I know Pel, Iversen and Volkova share a 400 square foot apartment. Komarov, Kaiser and Flower live in a dump. It’s not really a place where you can make money.

Are you going to eat the rest of that?”

It was troubling to think of, that the players we idolized might be struggling to survive. Another contact within the league confirmed the economic anomaly, saying that within months of teams opening their facilities, prices skyrocketed, from anywhere between 200% and 5000% depending on the good.

We’ve investigated the claims and found the following grave examples:

Shoulder Pads:
Retail: $199
New Price: $2M


Amongst the most insulting extortions, local distributors are preying on the safety of the players, demanding exorbitant prices for their wares and challenging you to have a good career if you don’t pay up.

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That’s a really nice upper body you got there. Be a shame if literally anything happened to it.</div>

Hockey Stick:
Retail: $449
New Price: $1.5M


Have you ever tried playing hockey without a stick? You can’t. I guess you could block shots and throw the body, but you couldn’t score or pass effectively, and all of your slashing calls would result in a suspension. The point is, sticks are as essential to hockey as it comes, and those setting the market price know that.

But do these examples of price gouging exist only within the confines of the hockey market? Surprisingly, no. Though the markup is consistent on other items required to be a professional player, we also found that the market for high end items has also taken off dramatically.

Dinner:
Steak, potatoes, vegetables, wine.
Price: $289,000


Last season, Toronto North Star hired gun Schultzy was the talk of the league, having once pooled together the spare cash off his $25M contract to treat himself to a steak dinner. Or so the legend says.

Jewelry:
Retail: $1799
New Price: $16.725M


Many SHLers begin playing at 18, and engage in the first real relationships once they settle into their new cities. Knowing this, the price of fine bling has skyrocketed, leading to a tremendous price tag for even the most modest of rings.

<div align="center">[Image: cheap-halo-diamond-engagement-ring-on-10...e-gold.jpg]
One of the many rings that Boomcheck could not afford, and pris would never accept.</div>

Drugs:
One cocaine
[Image: coke.jpg]
Street price: $200
New Price: $925,000


The corruption has even hit our streets, as dealers in the area have been overjoyed by the amount they are able to charge for cocaine, and other drugs but especially the cocaine. Knowing that players neither have the option of bringing it in from other cities, nor the option to not take the drug whatsoever, prices have risen before stablizing just below a million for a decent night. Like. A decent 5 hours if you end up finding a chick who likes to party but she’s not that big or into coke so she only does a few lines and is good.


Many are speculating at this time that the hyperinflation may deter players from playing sports full time, with many struggling to grasp the reality of their situation. Many go to bed hungry, daydreaming about one day earning enough to not have to sleep in a bathtub. Whether that day ever comes is yet to be seen, although for most of you, it won’t. Your dreams will never come true and you’ll die alone, penniless, probably in a fucking ditch somewhere or something.

Join us for our next investigative report: The Streets - No Longer The Worst Goddamn Thing About Detroit.

(817 words)
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#2

Cocaine is a hell of a drug



All-time New England Wolfpack scorer
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#3

Shoulder Pads: $2 million
Hockey Stick: $1.5 million
Gloves: $2 million
Beating <a href='index.php?showuser=2267' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-10'>Waters</a> in Game 7: Priceless

Reed Kobo - Winger - #33
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Toivo Kosonen - Defenseman - #33 Retired
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#4

"one cocaine"

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#5

Smile)

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"“HA HA! THIS GAME WILL NEVER END! I POSSESS THE SOUL OF EVERY GOALIE ON TEAM B!! CREW 4 LIFE!! SIGN WITH EDMONTON FOR THE CUP!!!” cackled Belial as he placed a Fedora on his head."
SMJHL Commisioner S17-S26
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#6

Can hook up blow on the cheap, hmu

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#7

Quote:Originally posted by ToeDragon84@Oct 3 2016, 02:32 AM
Can hook up blow on the cheap, hmu
is it under $10 a line? what's it cut with??

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#8

Quote:Originally posted by WannabeFinn@Oct 2 2016, 11:35 PM

is it under $10 a line? what's it cut with??
Fentanyl

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#9

Quote:Originally posted by ToeDragon84@Oct 3 2016, 02:38 AM

Fentanyl
yeah hook me up with a couple points

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#10

Quote:Originally posted by WannabeFinn@Oct 3 2016, 06:30 AM
"one cocaine"
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All-time New England Wolfpack scorer
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#11

Smile) 9.5/9, would shitpost again
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#12

Quote:Originally posted by Toivo@Oct 3 2016, 02:30 AM
Shoulder Pads: $2 million
Hockey Stick: $1.5 million
Gloves: $2 million
Beating <a href='index.php?showuser=2267' rel='nofollow' alt='profile link' class='user-tagged mgroup-10'>Waters</a> in Game 7: Priceless
:((

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#13

I just live with my parents in North Dakota and commute to wherever the game is.

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#14

=D>

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#15

Outstanding :lol:

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