Login

***notorioustig*** · 09-21-2018, 05:45 PM

*Tig Murphy, dressed in a leprechaun costume, appears from offscreen and does a jig to the centre of the set*

"Hello there! I'm Irish world junior hockey player and SHL prospect Tig Murphy." *brief highlights play*

"In a hockey game, there's a lot of crunching happening. But there's no crunch that me and my teammates love more...." *aggresively thrusts bag of potato chips towards the camera* "...than Diddly Dee's Irish Potato Chips."

*shot of generic dressing room with the coach giving a speech, when suddenly there's a loud CRUNCH - camera pans to Tig Murphy sheepishly holding a bag of chips with his hand in the bag*

"No time is a bad time to start crunching!"

*various promotional shots of chips*

"There are tons of great flavours, anything from your standard barbecue and salt & vinegar to something a little more out there, like our new Bacon Avocado Explosion!"

*shot of Murphy, still in leprechaun costume, riding a horse and eating a bag of chips*

"Go get your crunch today. Or don't, more for me."

*horse rears and takes off into the sunset as Diddly Dee's logo fades onto the screen*

Paq · 09-21-2018, 06:43 PM

NSFL pt

kobel9 · 09-21-2018, 07:40 PM

Enter Scene:
McLovin goes up to the counter, with a case of beer. and sets it down. He looks at the register attendant and says "Hello, Mindy".
The cashier, looking unimpressed, starts ringing up the beer, and an awkward moment as she tries to get the scanner to work, McLovin is just looking around whistling.
"I love that stuff, I've been drinking it for years... you know, I-I heard they recently decided to add more hops to it." McLovin says awkwardly with a little chuckle after.
The cashier, looking unimpressed, asks for his ID.
"Really? Makes me feel young again haha" Mclovin says as he hands his wallet over to the cashier, again, the interaction is extremely akward.

Next thing you know, he gets punched in the face, the cashier starts freaking out, the scene cuts out. A reader says "McLovin Beer, we just recently decided to add more hops to it"

End Scene.

*CptSquall* · 09-21-2018, 10:02 PM

09-20-2018, 07:40 PMMike Izzy Wrote:

"Hi there, Richard Physt here with a deal that will knock your socks off. You see I used to be a rather small, frail looking lad until I really got into farm work. In order to gain the muscle mass for that, and turning to Hockey, I used Powder Kegs. Powder Kegs is a wonderful, natural brand of protein supplements that allow you to build muscle fast. Just mix this simple powder into any drink, You can do water, milk, soda, liquor, anything. With hundreds of flavours including Chocolate, Cherry, Cola, and Cognac. Only $14.95 but if you call now get a second one half off. Call now at 1-800-807-KEGS, that's one Powder Kegs brand Protein Keg at $14.95 and a second one half off at 1-800-807-KEGS. OR go to their website at WWW.POWDERKEGS.COM, use the Promo Code PHYST and get 25% off your order. Order now and you too can pack one HELL of a punch"

JSS · 09-21-2018, 10:45 PM

NSFL PT

Troy_McClure03 · 09-22-2018, 05:14 AM

Hi I'm Troy McClure, you might remember me as the Quilha Agante award winner. Or from winning the Ideen Fallah award.

But today I'm here to discuss my love of this amzaing product, Bad Dragon. Bad Dragon makes some of the most beautiful 3D printed Dungeon and Dragons table representations I have ever seen. They are life-like, yet gentle looking. They come in all sorts of colors and sizes, one for your tiny quests all the way up to the giant quest where your team will battle the biggest dragon (that looks kinda like a can... ) that I have ever witnessed. These Figurines are fun for the whole family! Not sure what to get mom for mother's day? How about a bad dragon!? Sisters birthday around the corner? Go with that hot pink bad dragon! I'm being told that these products are only intended for adults, which I find odd because D and D is for everybody. But anyway, I hope you use bad dragon for all your needs!

169

Carbine · 09-22-2018, 08:57 AM

Welfare pls

http://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/i...st&p=40848

BarnabasCollins · 09-22-2018, 09:11 AM

With Kata Vilde's move to Halifax this past offseason the team thought it would be a good idea to get him involved with one of the local businesses to get the community behind him. Knowing of his father's past commercial exploits they decided to hook him up with Rupert's meats, a local butcher known for his exotic treats.

Annnnndddddd action:

Girl:Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo?
Director: again
Boy: again?
Director: again

Breaking through the fake set,,,
Kata: Art thou bored? Snap into a spicy beaver!! Taste the spice? The juicy juicy beaver!! Need a little excitement? Snap into a spicy beaver!!!
Director: Cut! Now that's what I'm talkin aboot!

Kata heads out of the shoot with his check for $200 shaking his head. The things I do he sighs, my dad is probably rolling in his grave. Spicy beaver sticks? Only in Canada I guess. Gotta get that taste out of my mouth. Kata pulls out a foot long Slim Jim as he gets in his car and drives back to the rink.

Dangles13 · 09-22-2018, 09:37 AM

Connor McGregor's new whisky, Proper No. Twelve was just announced and the Irish megastar reached to various countrymen to help him promote the drink. Enter Liam O'Callaghan. The budding superstar was a bit shocked to receive a call from the brash UFC fighter but when Connor explained his plan to reach out to all his countrymen and spread the word Liam was fully on board. McGregor shipped O'Callaghan a crate of the smooth whiskey and Liam has been spotted all around Seattle and various other cities, a bottle always on hand.

Coaches were alarmed at first as they assumed that their top-pairing blueliner would decline in skill as he imbibed the liquor and the coach preemptively cut his minutes; O'Callaghan was sent from the first to the last pairing in order to mitigate his assumed decline in play. However, O'Callaghan's play actually improved when he was under the influence of Proper No. Twelve and it was not long before the whole team was taking shots before each game. Liam has done his part to spread the word of the infamous McGregor's whiskey and the returns look promising; Liam stands to make a lot of money from the deal and the two Irish countrymen have had several meetings to discuss further partnerships.

ztevans · 09-22-2018, 10:59 AM

Hi! I’m Zach Evans of the Winnipeg Jets. You know me best from scoring the game-winning goal of the Season 37 Challenge Cup Finals, winning the Season 38 Sarmad Khan Trophy, or my fucking brat of a son who is probably going to play basketball now.

Today, I wanted to talk to you about a great opportunity to expand your hockey knowledge and travel the world! Would you like to rub shoulders with some of the greatest hockey players on the planet? See some of the greatest landmarks on Earth? Hold a clipboard and wear a fancy suit while looking important? Then YOU should apply to be the IIHF Head for the Russian Federation!

Right now, there is a special opportunity for literally anyone, please I’m begging you, to take this job. You can even use steroids! They’re against the rules, but no one is enforcing them fuckers and you’ll just be accused of using steroids anyways once you join us, so why not?! And you’d be coaching me! I’m cool, right? RIGHT?! Why are you walking away? COME BACK YOU ASSHOLE! DON’T TURN THE CHANNEL TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL YOU MOTHERF-

(But for real, please?)

*Good_Ole_Kimmy* · 09-22-2018, 11:05 AM

The shot opens with Andrew Martin eating breakfast in black and white. He scarfs down eggs and some toast, and grins ear to ear as he eyes a few strips of bacon. He picks up the bacon with pleasure, only for it to droop down. Martin looks at the camera and frowns, and a big red "X" covers the screen.

Hi, I am Colorado Raptors legend Andrew Martin and I have a HUGE problem with breakfast. I love bacon more than anyone in Colorado, but there is a problem: I can't find any good crispy bacon! And if you like crispy bacon you know my problem too! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOGGY BACON RUINING BREAKFAST LOOK NO MORE! Let me introduce the Bacon Crispifier 3000. Using patented technology like our stainless steel heating pad, your bacon will always turn out exactly the best way! Order now!

(153 words)

timeconsumer · 09-22-2018, 11:07 AM

BUCK MAVERICK HERE TO TELL Y'ALL ABOUT MY FAVORITE PLACE IN TOWN TO GET THE BEST PRICES ON TIRES AND THAT'S JIMBO'S TIRE SHOP. JIMBO HAS BEEN IN BUSINESS FOR OVER 50 YEARS SELLING HIGH QUALITY TIRES AT THE BEST PRICES OF ANYONE IN VANCOUVER. NEED SOME CHEAP AS FUCK TIRES TO DRIVE YOUR PIECE OF SHIT AROUND TOWN? GRAB A PAIR OF GENTLY USED TIRES WITH 2/32" OF TREAD LEFT ON THEM FOR ONLY $20 EACH PLUS $100 INSTALLATION FEE! NEED AN ALIGNMENT? JIMBO'S GOT THE STATEST OF THE ARTEST HYPER LASER NANO MICROWAVE VACUUM ALIGNMENT SYSTEM YOU'VE EVER SEEN. JIMBO'S TIRE ALIGNMENTS ARE FULLY GUARANTEED FOR THE LIFETIME OF YOUR OIL! THEY'RE RUNNING A SPECIAL RIGHT NOW FOR A FULL SET OF BRAND NEW G.F. HOODWINK GASMASTER TIRES WITH INSTALLATION, ALIGNMENT, OIL CHANGE, BRAKE SERVICE, BANG YOUR WIFE, KICK YOUR DOG, AND FULL UP YOUR WIPER FLUID FOR OPNLY $3000 CANADIAN! HOLY CRAP THAT'S A GOOD DEAL! I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE I'M A PROFESSIONAL JUNIOR LEAGUE HOCKEY PLAYER! COME DOWN AND BUY SOME FUCKING TIRES BITCHES!

Rabidsponge21 · 09-22-2018, 11:21 AM

Camera fades in slowly as a war torn field appears with rain pouring down as the camera zoom in closer and closer to a lonely flower surviving in the aftermath of what appeared to be sheer chaos

“THIS SUMMER”

A single boot crushes the flower as the sounds of marching begins – pan to tanks driving over wooden fences smashing them to bits followed by an American flag being raised with the sounds of YEEEEHAWWWWS

“WHEN THE WORLD HAS FALLEN TO THE IRON FIST OF THE AMERCIAN WAR MACHINE AND ITS PROPOGANDA THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE TO STOP IT”

The sky opens and sun light bursts down onto the field as a shadowy figure leaps down crashing between the marching army sending them all flying – tanks begin to fire as the soldiers begin to open fire

“GET EM BOYS! HE WANTS TO TAKE OUR GUN RIGHTS AWAY HEEEYUCK HEEEEYUCK! THIS IS WHAT FREEDOM IS YA GOOBER!”

A fist smashes into the face as in slow motion his few remaining teeth go flying

“GET READY TO. KOCH AND LOAD. AS THIS MAN MEANS BUSINESS – COME SEE HIS CINEMATIC DEBUTE AS THE GERMAN SUPER SOLDAT LUDWIG SCHRODER FIGHTS FOR THE FREE WORLD IN THIS FUTURISTIC ACTION THRILLER – KOCH AND LOADED: ELETRIC BOGALOO”

Muford · 09-22-2018, 11:48 AM

http://nsfl.jcink.net/index.php?showtopi...t&p=149142

WELFARE

***39alaska39*** · 09-22-2018, 12:27 PM

Hi, I'm Alex Winters of your hometown Colorado Raptors.

When every I'm in the mood for a post practice meal or out on the town with some of my teammates, I always recommend the Hopdoddy Burger Bar. Located in the heart of downtown Denver near Union Station, Hopdoddy is the perfect place to grab food with friends and family. You'll always get great food, fantastic service, and a great atmosphere. You'll even be able to watch your Raptors play on one of the TVs! Whenever people ask me what my food recommendation would be, Hopdoddy is the first choice, every time. Come on in and get the Breakfast Burger with a side of Kennebec fries, or as I like to call it, the Winters Special.

Anytime you're looking for a a fantastic meal, you can't go wrong with Hopdoddy and that's a Winters' guarantee!

Word Count: 151

Alex Winters (retired)
Matej Winters (retired)
Dominik Winters
S45 Jesster Trophy Winner
Challenge Cup Winning Goal Club: S52

Navigation

Extra Menu

About us