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hats_4_days · 09-29-2018, 04:33 PM

So it was a nice day to ruin peoples future. I was tasked with coming up with a plan to win a game. Now I just told everyone the strategy that has seemed to work in the past. I just relayed the game plan to my teammates but I left one part out. Don't worry about players getting in the way of blocking shots. If you have the puck just shoot. My teammates looked confused as they should have. Each player one by one came up to ask me why should I not worry about players getting in the way. I let them in on a little secret. And I shall tell you what I told them.

So we were coming off of a 7 game losing streak. Everyone was getting sick of finding excuses why the hockey gods wern't looking down upon us fondly so desperate times call for desperate measures. Lets just say that I knew someone that was good friends with the opposing teams equipment manager. And he wanted to take a tour of the teams locker room. While he was in there he had to grab a few things that were important. Now normal people would look for strategy boards and take pictures or something along those lines well i'm not a normal person and I was desperate for a win so I had him grab everyone's cups.

Now everyone knows a puck in that area hurts but without that little (and they were all pretty little) piece of very important equipment no one would dare attempt to block a shot in fear that a puck would find its way down there. My plan worked to perfection. Every shot that that we took the only one in the way was the goalie and I kinda feel bad for the goalie due to not having a cup for protection. Its amazing how much a little cup can put fear in grown mens heads. Do I feel bad... I don't know, but I know this. We won the game.

346 words

Bayley · 09-29-2018, 05:10 PM

http://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/i...st&p=41980
Bayley is my username

Mazatt · 09-29-2018, 05:19 PM

Alright. A smart idea for a smart man. The Montreal Militia has tasked Veikka with the mission of sabotaging the Kelowna Knights so that they climb higher in the standings. He's a quiet kid and doesn't cause too much trouble, so there should be no way of knowing he is the one who did this dastardly act.

What act? You may ask in a slightly goofy voice? Well, he is going to sabotage the equipment. First, we will replace the sticks of the team with pool noodles. Only 7 pool noodles because he is still a minor leaguer, but they'll get the idea. Second, he will put clown afro's in all of their stalls. Third, he will muddy up the logo in their locker room and put some crocs on it. Again, he's on a budget and they are cheap. The final move he will make is clogging all of their toilets, making it so that all of their gastrointestinal issues will go unsolved. He feels bad about this but if they really need to go they've still got a sink and a urinal.

To pull this off he will be doing several things. First, he will be supplied 3 pool noodles. He'll buy 4 more to round it up to 7. He is committed to this. He will also buy an undisclosed amount of crocs. He will also bring a 5 dollar bill, a pen, and some paper.

The plan of action is to stay late after a practice skate, the goods hidden inside his bag. He'll make his way over to the Knights locker room, hoping the door is unlocked. If it isn't, he will kindly ask a janitor for some keys. Hopefully they don't realize he isn't on the team. He'll say he forgot his binkie or something from awhile ago. Once inside the room he will take all of their sticks and lay them down horizontally in the stands, so that when they go looking for the sticks it will be really hard to find them, and will just seem weird. He will also take two sticks with him. One, because that's some prime stuff right there and it would be a shame to waste them, and two, so that they will look longer because they'll be missing just two sticks. Hopefully one poor sap has both of those sticks be his. He will put the pool noodles into the stick rack and go from there.

Next is the clown afros, also supplied by the team. He'll just try and toss them into the stalls and if he misses? Oh well, not like they'll wear them. For the logo, he takes out the Crocs and puts them in the centre of the room. Two easy plays right there for Toivanen. Next up, he will take as much toilet paper as possible and stuff it into the toilets and clog them. Like, toilet water on the floor clogged. Because he feels bad about what he's done, he will also leave a note that reads:

"Sorry for bathroom. I love the environment. Here you go for the toiler paper Smile

" along with the 5 dollar bill. After that, he will leave like he entered... with his bag and out the front door, praying there aren't any security cameras in the arena. He will join his team as though nothing happened, probably taking a nap or something, a job well done.

Lazyeye · 09-29-2018, 05:45 PM

SITUATION: Upcoming game against the Colorado Raptors in Colorado. They currently stand in 3rd place in the league. This is a must win game for Halifax for cheating is authorized

MISSION: The Halifax Raiders will place sock tape on the blades of the Colorado Raptor's skates on 30 SEP 2018 at Colorado in order to cause them to slip on the ice and possibly injure themselves during pregame warmups and also destroy any self confidence they have by slipping on the ice in front of their fans

EXECUTION:
Phase 1: The Kovacs brothers will distract the Raptors with their dashing European looks and style. The objective is to lure all the raptors away from the locker room. Phase is complete once locker room is vacant and unguarded
Phase 2: Metcalf jr and Reaper will sneak into the locker room and begin placing strips of sock tape on all skate blades in the locker room. Mr. Faceoffs and Finley will keep an eye out. Phase is complete once all skate blades have been compromised
Phase 3: All Raider players return to their locker room to await warmups. Ensure phones are ready to record the raptors slipping to post to Social media to continue the undermining of their confidence

SUSTAINMENT: The only necessary supplies for this mission is one roll of sock tape.

COMMAND AND SIGNAL: The succession of command for this mission is Metcalf Jr - Reaper - O. Kovacs - K. Kovacs. Hand and arm signals will be used for the entirety of the operation. Sound discipline will be practiced at all times

260 words

***hockeyfan*** · 09-29-2018, 08:52 PM

The Texas Renegades do not get along with many teams, so there are a lot to choose from. Today, we will attack the Seattle Riot, just because. So, GM Dan sends rookie Harvey Danger to Seattle and instructs him to pee over as many things as possible. As you know, urine attracts bears and Sasquatches, which are big in Seattle, so unfortunately they have to deal with that now.

Since the trip to Seattle was so successful, Dan decided to send Harvey to Edmonton to mess with the Blizzard. Once Harvey got to Edmonton he realized one thing: There was nothing that he could do to hurt the Blizzard, because living in Edmonton fucking sucks and that is punishment enough. Holy crap, like it was bad. It was snowing when he was there in like, July. What a garbage dump. I'd rather get ravaged by a sasquatch then spend one more minute in Edmonton.

CDub2 · 09-29-2018, 11:39 PM

PBE things

Harry Hans · 09-30-2018, 01:26 AM

GoonerBear · 09-30-2018, 01:35 AM

SITUATION: In digging through our season stats, I made a discovery on our head-to-head table. The Manhattan Rage, despite another losing season in the rebuilding process, have a winning record against one team in the SHL as of the time of this writing - the West Kendall Platoon. At the time of writing, we have won 3 of our 4 games in the season series with two remaining. These make up two of our last three games and are West Kendall's final two games this season. West Kendall currently sits in a precarious position regarding the postseason. They sit at 41 points, 1 ahead of New England and 3 ahead of Toronto with the Wolfpack and North Stars having played one more game. My mission was simple. Preserve our winning record against the Platoon. If that knocks the Season 41 champions out of playoffs, all the sweeter.

MISSION: Mayhem, confusion and clotheslining WKP first-liners, dubbed "Operation Red Rover"

STEPS:

1) The first time the Platoon approach the blue line to enter our defensive zone, all five skaters should close down the hardest-charging forward. Rage players should be within arm's reach of one another. Prioritize Dani Forsberg, Trevor Wilson and Alex Light, if possible.

2) Link arms, hands, whatever it takes to form a human wall.

3) Revel in the player's fright as he realizes there's no going back.

4) Stand firm as the poor bastard crashes and falls to his back.

5) Step up to any ensuing challenges to fights and graciously accept all penalties issued.

6) Win the game.

7) If we fail to win the first game, use the psychological element to frighten WKP and look like we're about to do it again in the season finale. What else have we got to lose at this point, when in all likelihood, we'll be out of playoff contention by this time?

(321)

Toivo · 09-30-2018, 03:03 AM

PBE kahn

Your Mothers Favorite Goalie · 09-30-2018, 04:09 AM

The mission is simple: We must exact revenge on the New England Wolfpack. Ever since the unspeakable Chicken Parm Massacre of S33, tensions have been high between us. Its time to get even.

First step of course would be to distract the arena security staff. They live in New England, so it should be pretty easy, just talk about Tom Brady and they'll piss themselves and talk about how great he is for hours and hours. Next is bypassing the advanced locker room security system the Wolfpack has, which is actual wolves. I'm pretty sure its illegal to have a wolf security force, but thats neither here nor there. Once we do that, its time to execute the plan.

First, we will break out the spray paint and put Dragons logos all over the Wolfpack logos. Then, we will set up a massive stinkbomb made from Esa's old jock straps to set off once the door opens. We will write "Drag0nz wuz hear" in Marinara sauce all over the lockers, and lastly, we will take their sticks and replace them all with left handed sticks. Dont mess with Calgary!

Dude · 09-30-2018, 05:33 AM

The team I've been sent by Dankoa to disrupt is Texas. The Renegades are standing in the Renegades' way and they need to be stopped. Dude's plan to disrupt Texas' shenanigans is to make their bodies feel bad by taking them to the gym. Hurting their brains by making them do drills. Making them have feelings by doing team building exercises... If we could start to disrupt their current regimen of doing fucking nothing, they might start winning games. It's hard to say why they hate us so much, but they do. Dankoa sent me to come after them because they are bad for us. If there's one thing that's for sure it's that we have to take them down in order to start winning games. Until I've succeeded at that we will continue to lose games and that's bad. Yes sir.

Clint Eastwood, Jun 10 2018, 09:36 AM Wrote:Can't buy love, but love can buy a lot.

NJBadApple · 09-30-2018, 09:47 AM

***Evok*** · 09-30-2018, 10:41 AM

http://probaseballexperience.jcink.net/i...st&p=42056

**Rich** · 09-30-2018, 12:26 PM

On one of Minnesota’s trips to New England, Lundberg was given the task of sneaking into the Wolfpack locker room. The idea is that as a former member of the Wolfpack, he would be more likely to be able to gain access to the facilities. Once inside, he would move things around in the lockers, hoping to cause a certain amount of discord, throwing the Wolfpack players off their usual gameday rhythms. However, that’s not exactly how it ended up going down. He was able to gain access to the locker room but couldn’t bring himself to mess with his former team. Instead, he decided to leave some sincere letters of encouragement for the members of the Wolfpack who remain from his time with the team. Dieter Dominique, Mikke Laukkanen, Mia Landvik, Mainio Makinen, and Patrikov Pure all got a short, hand written note in their locker. Jasper Clayton got some brie in his gloves, so he has sticky cheese fingers before the game.

Narconis · 09-30-2018, 02:09 PM

The target of my prank will be the team directly below us in the standing… the Minnesota Chiefs. To get in their heads, the target of this prank will be the electronic devices of the Chiefs. In order to implement this, we will need to bribe a low level employee to gain access to their building. Someone such as a catering staff or food vendor would allow access to the building, but the main target will be someone from event presentation. This will allow full access to the arena, including the locker rooms. Once access has been achieved, during practice all electronic devices including tablets, cell phones, computers, and MP3s will be stolen. Care will be taken and all devices will be returned at the conclusion of the prank. To add a bit of hilarity, anyone who’s device is not properly secured will have their music library wiped and replaced with thousands of copies of “My Heart Will Go on”. The desired effect, of course, will be to prevent the Chiefs from getting into the proper mindset before their games causing them to lose.

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