@"cpetrella" I bought you a spare coochie so that you may never have to beg anyone for spare coochie ever again. Ignore the 5 million SHL dollars also in the box

Aleister Cain - S42-S57
HOF GOALIE- CLASS OF S60- SECOND BALLOT
S54 CHALLENGE CUP
S54 RAZOV

Ville Kurri - S57-S70
BEST SMJHL DEFENSIVE FORWARD S60
That's pretty much it

|  |

I got @JayWhy a tall bottle of Tiefling Vodka. Nobody will blame him if he has to water it down a bit, right?

As for @39alaska39, he gets a goat.

e

My gift to @Chris-McZehrl is a DVD that has the best Bundesliga songs and chants performed by the fans! I´m sure the DVD and the music in there will provide the perfect feeling for Chris while he improves his ball handling skills. My personal favorite is Pippi Langstrumpf by Eintracht Frankfurt fans

Free agent
Updates

I bought a dildo for @Clint Eastwood. All he does in the locker room is talk about sex, but he doesn't have a girlfriend, so I often (regrettably) spot him jizzing in the bathroom when I have to take a piss. So, I bought him a dildo so he doesn't have to pleasure himself.

The lack of accuracy in this statement is appalling

Mohammad's Profile

Mohammad's Updates

For @BarnabasCollins i would get a new jock strap, with all the shots he's faced in his rookie season he has used up his old one.

TIM RIGGINS || Kelowna Knights || RW ||
8th Overall Pick in the S62 SMJHL draft ||
POSITION: Right wing
NATIONALITY: Canadian
NUMBER: 43
------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL STATS
--------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS ||132 GP||28 G||35 A||63 PTS||12 PIM||
S62 KEL||66 GP||17 G||17 A||34 PTS||8 PIM||
S63 KEL||66 GP||11 G||18 A||29 PTS||4 PIM||

--------------------------

Notable Moments
--------------------------
8th Overall Pick in the S62 SMJHL Entry draft ( Kelowna Knights ) ||
4 Overall SHL Entry draft ( Montreal Patriotes )
WJC Silver - Canada ( S63 )

|| 






||  ||
[pbtex]

WHITE GOODMAN || VAN- 10 OVERALL PICK || GOALIE ||
NAME: White Goodman
POSITION: Goalie
NATIONALITY: Italian
NUMBER: 31
------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL CAREER STATISTICS
S50 || VANCOUVER 10 OVERALL PICK 

SMJHL STATS
--------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS ||110GP||51W||50L||3SO||2.79GAA||0.892SV%||0.691PS%||4890MP|| 


SMJHL PLAYOFF STATS
--------------------------
SMJHL CAREER STATS ||28GP||14W||14L||2SO||3.26GAA||0.886SV%||1693MP|| 

SHL STATS
--------------------------
SHL CAREER STATS ||260 GP||147 W||98 L|| 11 OTL || 18 SO||2.63 GAA||0.914 SV%||15,203 MP|| 

SHL PLAYOFF STATS
--------------------------
SHL CAREER PLAYOFF STATS ||17 GP||4 W||11 L||0 OTL || 2 SO||2.76 GAA||0.921 SV%||951 MP|| 






Achievments:||...... 

S51/S52 - Named to the SMJHL All-Star Game 
S59 Challenge Cup Champion 


|| ||  || 



WALTER HOBBS || TEXAS RENEGADES || GOALIE || 2ND ALL-TIME IN TEXAS WINS
NAME: Walter Hobbs
POSITION: Goalie
NATIONALITY: Canadian
NUMBER: 32

------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL CAREER STATISTICS
SMJHL TOTALS || 83GP || 37W || 36L || 1SO || 3.16GAA || 0.886SV% || 0.860PS% ||4606MP || 

------------------------------------------------------------

SMJHL CAREER PLAYOFF STATISTICS
SMJHL PLAYOFF TOTALS || 20GP || 11W || 8L || 1SO || 2.46GAA || 0.952SV% || 1199MP || 

------------------------------------------------------------

SHL CAREER STATISTICS
SHL TOTALS || 373 GP || 188 W || 156 L ||27 OTL || 13 SO || 2.98 GAA || 0.91 SV% || 0.675 PS%  ||22,449 MP || 

------------------------------------------------------------

SHL CAREER PLAYOFF STATISTICS
SHL PLAYOFF TOTALS || 33 GP || 17 W || 11 L || 5 OTL || 5 SO || 3.12 GAA || 0.904 SV% || 2,045 MP || 

------------------------------------------------------------

ACHEIVMENTS 
S39-KAIN WEBB AWARD: Team Leadership ( MTL Team award) 
S40-NAMED FIRST ALTERNATE CAPTAIN ( Montreal )  
S41-NAMED TEAM CAPTAIN ( Montreal )
S41-LOST GAME 7 OF 4 STAR CUP (Kelowna wins series 4-3)  
S41-Silver medal (WJC  - CANADA) 
S42-Named GM of Canada (WJC)  
S42-Winner of the Ryan Jesster Award (Top Rookie)
S42-Named to SHL All-Rookie Team 
S42-Silver Medal (IIHF -CANADA) 
S44/S45-Named to the Second ALL-STAR Team 
S44/S45-Nominated for Ron Mexico Award (Top Goalie Award)  

------------------------------------------------------------

TRANSACTIONS
S39 -  DRAFTED 43RD OVERALL BY MONTREAL (SMJHL)
S40 - DRAFTED 29TH OVERALL BY TEXAS ( SHL)
S40 / S41 - REPRESENT CANADA AT WJC 
S45 to S50 -  REPRESENT CANADA AT IIHF  

------------------------------------------------------------


|| ||  

@KillTheArchitect I gave him something that would remind him of home, his mom own, handmade pasta from scratch, using only the most natural of ingredients, sourced from the Czech Republic. I also gave
@39alaska39 a goat

PROFILE || UPDATE || RAGE.  




Luke Thomason || LW || Manhattan Rage || 2143 Max TPE
Born: 1/10/98
Height: 6'0
Weight 185 Lbs
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Regular season
SMJHL/SHL Stats
S42 | Van | GP: 50| G: 4| A: 8|P: 12|+/-: -10|MP: 457|
S43 | Van | GP: 50| G: 16| A: 19|P: 35|+/-: 3|MP: 951|
S44 | Van | GP: 50| G: 22| A: 31|P: 53|+/-: 9|MP: 1033|
S45 | SFP | GP: 50| G: 18| A: 19|P: 37|+/-: -5|MP: 1041|
S46 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 19| A: 24|P: 43|+/-: -3|MP: 1156|
S47 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 16| A: 28|P: 44|+/-: -15|MP: 1184|
S48 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 16| A: 24|P: 40|+/-: -13|MP: 1137|
S49 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 21| A: 28|P: 49| +/-: 13|MP: 1099
S50 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 21| A: 23|P: 44| +/-: 10|MP: 1157
S51 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 17| A: 22|P: 39| +/-: 5|MP: 1232
S52 | MAN | GP: 50| G: 24| A: 29|P: 54| +/-: 17|MP: 1193
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs
S42 Playoffs | Van| GP: 11 | G: 1| A: 2 |P:3|+/-: +3| MP: 101
S43 Playoffs | Van| GP: 10 | G: 4| A: 1 |P:5|+/-: -3| MP: 206
S44 Playoffs | Van| GP: 14 | G: 7| A:6  |P:13|+/-:-1 | MP:228
S46 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 12 | G: 3 | A:2  |P:5|+/-:-14 | MP:289
S47 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 5 | G: 3 | A:4  |P:7|+/-:2 | MP:119
S49 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 11| G: 6| A: 11|P:16|+/-: 5| MP:248
S50 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 6| G: 5| A: 5|P:10|+/-: 7| MP:137
S51 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 12| G: 7| A: 9|P:16|+/-: 4| MP:293
S52 Playoffs | MAN| GP: 19| G: 9| A: 13|P:22|+/-: 0| MP:438

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions/Awards
S43 Named Assistant Captain for VAN Whalers
Drafted 3rd OA by San Fransisco Pride
S43 4 Star Cup Champion  
S44 Zach Miller Award for Most Dedicated
S44 nominee for the Damien Littleton award for most dedicated
S45 WJC Gold Medalist
S45 SHL Rookie All-Star Team
S46 Named Captain for Czechoslovakia
S45 Winner of the Damien Littleton award for most dedicated
S46 Nominee for Damien Littleton award for most dedicated
S49 Bronze Medal for Czechia
S52 Nominee for Anton Razov Trophy
S52 SHL 3rd Team


Arnost Holub || Vancouver Whalers GM/ Manhattan Rage Co-GM
S44 | W:27 | L:18 | OTL: 5 | P:59 | 3rd in League 
S45 | W:29 | L:17 | OTL: 4 | P:62 | 4th in League 
S46 | W:23 | L:21 | OTL: 6 | P:52 | 8th in League 
S47 | W:30 | L:17 | OTL: 3 | P:63 | 3rd in League 
S48 | W:28 | L:16 | OTL: 6 | P:62 | 4th in League 
Total | W:137 | L: 89 | OTL: 24 

Manhattan Rage  
S49 | W:33 | L:15 | OTL: 2 | P:68 | 3rd in League  
S50 | W:26 | L:20 | OTL: 4 | P:56 | 8th in League  
S51 | W:26 | L:18 | OTL: 6 | P:56 | 5th in League 
S52 | W:28 | L:21 | OTL: 1 | P:57 | 6th in League 
Totals | W:113 | L:74 | OTL: 13 
S49 Lance Uppercut Award
S51 Lance Uppercut Award Nomination
S52 Lance Uppercut Award Nomination

Playoffs
Vancouver Whalers
S44 | W: 7 | L: 7 | CF Round Exit
S45 | W: 6 | L: 6 | CF Round Exit
S46 | W: 1 | L: 4 | 1st Round Exit
S47 | W: 6 | L: 4 | CF Round Exit
S48 | W: 12 | L: 7 | 4 Star Cup Champions
Total| W: 32 | L: 28 | 4 Star Cup Champions

Manhattan Rage
S49 | W: 6 | L: 5 | CF Round Exit
S50 | W: 2 | L: 4 | Wildcard Exit
S51 | W: 5 | L: 7 | CF Exit
S52 | W: 12 | L: 7 | Challenge Cup Champions
Total | W: 25 | L:23 | 1 Challenge Cup

@Nickleback_lover69 @tweedledunn

In response to their gifts for me, I'm gonna write a poem for each of you. Clearly, the in-universe explanation for this is that Koda has her husband Leroy write the poems, because he's the songwriter of the two. Koda just sketches up some imagery to go along with it.

If you guys actually want a poem, just tell me and I'll try to write something that isn't depressing.

Kou Saotome || RW || Kelowna Knights || Retired
Height: 6'11"
Weight: 195
Birthplace: Kobe, Japan
Number: 13
===========================================
SMJHL Regular Season Stats:
S58: G: 6 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 10 \\ +/-: +13 \\ H: 20 \\ S: 50 \\ SB: 11
S59: G: 19 \\ A: 22 \\ P: 41 \\ +/-: +15 \\ H: 48 \\ S: 129 \\ SB: 31
===========================================
SMJHL Playoff Stats:
S58: G: 1 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: -5 \\ H: 1 \\ S: 3 \\ SB: 2
S59: G: 6 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 8 \\ +/-: +4 \\ H: 7 \\ S: 25 \\ SB: 3
===========================================
SHL Regular Season Stats:
===========================================
SHL Playoff Stats:
===========================================
WJC Stats:
S58: G: 1 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 3 \\ +/-: -1 \\ H: 6 \\ S: 19 \\ SB: 3
===========================================
IIHF Stats:
===========================================
Transactions:
S58 Drafted in the SMJHL Draft by the Kelowna Knights (40th Overall)
S59 Undrafted in the SHL Draft
S60 Drafted in the SHL Draft by the Toronto North Stars (88th Overall)
===========================================
Trophy Case/Achievements:
S59 Four Star Cup with the Kelowna Knights

Raquel Castillo Gutierrez || RW || NOLA Spectors || Vancouver Whalers || Retired
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 130
Birthplace: Alajuela, Costa Rica
Number: 20
===========================================
SMJHL Regular Season Stats:
S48: G: 10 \\ A: 6 \\ P: 16 \\ +/-: -8 \\ S: 61 \\ SB: 8
S49: G: 23 \\ A: 25 \\ P: 48 \\ +/-: 17 \\ S: 169 \\ SB: 13
S50: G: 26 \\ A: 25 \\ P: 51 \\ +/-: 33 \\ S: 193 \\ SB: 12
S51: G: 22 \\ A: 16 \\ P: 38 \\ +/-: -8 \\ S: 161 \\ SB: 12
Career: G: 81 \\ A: 72 \\ P: 153 \\ +/-: 34 \\ S: 584 \\ SB: 45
===========================================
SMJHL Playoff Stats:
S48: G: 2 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 3 \\ +/-: 0 \\ S: 10 \\ SB: 1
S49: G: 5 \\ A: 11 \\ P: 16 \\ +/-: 5 \\ S: 65 \\ SB: 6
S50: G: 5 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 6 \\ +/-: 0 \\ S: 27 \\ SB: 3
S51: G: 8 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 12 \\ +/-: 2 \\ S: 45 \\ SB: 0
Career: G: 20 \\ A: 17 \\ P: 37 \\ +/-: 7 \\ S: 147 \\ SB: 10
===========================================
SHL Regular Season Stats:
S52: G: 4 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 6 \\ +/-: -6 \\ S: 58 \\ SB: 0
S53: G: 4 \\ A: 16 \\ P: 20 \\ +/-: -5 \\ S: 67 \\ SB: 25
===========================================
SHL Playoff Stats:
S52: G: 0 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 2 \\ +/-: -1 \\ S: 26 \\ SB: 1
===========================================
WJC Stats:
S48: G: 0 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 2 \\ +/-: -6 \\ S: 32 \\ SB: 1
S49: G: 5 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 9 \\ +/-: 0 \\ S: 41 \\ SB: 8
S50: G: 12 \\ A: 7 \\ P: 19 \\ +/-: 2 \\ S: 100 \\ SB: 9
S51: G: 11 \\ A: 15 \\ P: 26 \\ +/-: 2 \\ S: 124 \\ SB: 6
===========================================
IIHF Stats:
===========================================
Transactions:
S48 Drafted in the SMJHL Draft by the Montreal Militia (22nd Overall)
S48 Traded from Montreal Militia to Kelowna Knights
S49 Drafted in the SHL Draft by the New Orleans Spectors (44th Overall)
S50 Traded from Kelowna Knights to Anaheim Outlaws
S51 Traded from Anaheim Outlaws to Vancouver Whalers
===========================================
Trophy Case/Achievements:
S48 WJC Bronze Medalist with the United States
S49 Ideen Fallah Trophy Finalist

Dakota Reid || LW || San Francisco Pride "A" || Montreal Militia || Retired
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 185
Birthplace: South Essex, England
Number: 13
===========================================
SMJHL Regular Season Stats:
S35: G: 3 \\ A: 3 \\ P: 6 \\ +/-: -5 \\ PIM: 32 \\ H: 49 \\ S: 23 \\ F: 2-0-0
S36: G: 9 \\ A: 9 \\ P: 18 \\ +/-: -2 \\ PIM: 61 \\ H: 97 \\ S: 77 \\ F: 0-0-1
S37: G: 14 \\ A: 16 \\ P: 30 \\ +/-: +2 \\ PIM: 65 \\ H: 139 \\ S: 116 \\ F: 0-0-1
Career: G: 26 \\ A: 28 \\ P: 54 \\ +/-: -5 \\ PIM: 158 \\ H: 285 \\ S: 216 \\ F: 2-0-2
===========================================
SMJHL Playoff Stats:
S35: G: 1 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: -4 \\ PIM: 0 \\ H: 10 \\ S: 4 \\ F: 0-0-1
S36: DNQ
S37: G: 3 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 5 \\ +/-: -2 \\ PIM: 16 \\ H: 34 \\ S: 27 \\ F: 0-0-0
Career: G: 4 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 6 \\ +/-: -6 \\ PIM: 16 \\ H: 44 \\ S: 31 \\ F: 0-0-1
===========================================
SHL Regular Season Stats:
S38: G: 5 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 7 \\ +/-: +9 \\ PIM: 42 \\ H: 106 \\ S: 23 \\ F: 1-0-1
S39: G: 3 \\ A: 5 \\ P: 8 \\ +/-: -4 \\ PIM: 39 \\ H: 129 \\ S: 44 \\ F: 1-0-0
S40: G: 1 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 5 \\ +/-: -25 \\ PIM: 88 \\ H: 114 \\ S: 38 \\ F: 1-0-5
S41: G: 8 \\ A: 9 \\ P: 17 \\ +/-: -23 \\ PIM: 43 \\ H: 144 \\ S: 97 \\ F: 0-1-0
S42: G: 11 \\ A: 9 \\ P: 20 \\ +/-: -2 \\ PIM: 91 \\ H: 131 \\ S: 112 \\ F: 2-0-3
S43: G: 19 \\ A: 16 \\ P: 35 \\ +/-: -12 \\ PIM: 79 \\ H: 164 \\ S: 154 \\ F: 1-1-1
S44: G: 8 \\ A: 9 \\ P: 17 \\ +/-: -16 \\ PIM: 89 \\ H: 155 \\ S: 125 \\ F: 1-1-2
S45: G: 4 \\ A: 21 \\ P: 25 \\ +/-: +4 \\ PIM: 61 \\ H: 140 \\ S: 108 \\ F: 0-0-1
S46: G: 5 \\ A: 16 \\ P: 21 \\ +/-: -4 \\ PIM: 48 \\ H: 134 \\ S: 73 \\ F: 1-0-1
S47: G: 8 \\ A: 2 \\ P: 10 \\ +/-: -18 \\ PIM: 66 \\ H: 127 \\ S: 64 \\ F: 0-0-4
S48: G: 1 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 5 \\ +/-: -10 \\ PIM: 16 \\ H: 70 \\ S: 39 \\ F: 0-0-0
Career: G: 73 \\ A: 97 \\ P: 170 \\ +/-: -101 \\ PIM: 662 \\ H: 1414 \\ S: 877 \\ F: 8-3-18
===========================================
SHL Playoff Stats:
S36: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: 0 \\ PIM: 0 \\ H: 0 \\ S: 0 \\ F: 0-0-0
S37: DNP
S38: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: -1 \\ PIM: 2 \\ H: 10 \\ S: 2 \\ F: 0-0-0
S39: DNQ
S40: DNQ
S41: DNQ
S42: DNQ
S43: DNQ
S44: DNQ
S45: DNQ
S46: DNQ
S47: G: 0 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: -2 \\ PIM: 0 \\ H: 8 \\ S: 4 \\ F: 0-0-0
S48: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: -1 \\ PIM: 2 \\ H: 8 \\ S: 2 \\ F: 0-0-0
Career: G: 0 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: -4 \\ PIM: 4 \\ H: 26 \\ S: 8 \\ F: 0-0-0
===========================================
IIHF Stats:
S35: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: -5 \\ PIM: 8 \\ H: 9 \\ S: 0 \\ F: 0-0-0
S36: G: 0 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: -1 \\ PIM: 10 \\ H: 17 \\ S: 5 \\ F: 0-0-0
S37: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: +2 \\ PIM: 6 \\ H: 24 \\ S: 6 \\ F: 0-0-0
S38: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: +2 \\ PIM: 0 \\ H: 17 \\ S: 8 \\ F: 0-0-0
S39: G: 1 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: +3 \\ PIM: 2 \\ H: 21 \\ S: 5 \\ F: 0-0-0
S40: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: +1 \\ PIM: 6 \\ H: 23 \\ S: 10 \\ F: 0-0-0
S41: G: 0 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 1 \\ +/-: +1 \\ PIM: 6 \\ H: 19 \\ S: 8 \\ F: 0-0-0
S42: G: 2 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 3 \\ +/-: -3 \\ PIM: 10 \\ H: 31 \\ S: 14 \\ F: 0-0-0
S43: G: 3 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 4 \\ +/-: -3 \\ PIM: 6 \\ H: 27 \\ S: 18 \\ F: 0-0-0
S44: G: 3 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 4 \\ +/-: 0 \\ PIM: 8 \\ H: 24 \\ S: 23 \\ F: 0-0-0
S45: G: 3 \\ A: 4 \\ P: 7 \\ +/-: +1 \\ PIM: 10 \\ H: 39 \\ S: 19 \\ F: 0-0-0
S46: G: 1 \\ A: 1 \\ P: 2 \\ +/-: +3 \\ PIM: 12 \\ H: 34 \\ S: 29 \\ F: 0-0-0
S47: G: 1 \\ A: 3 \\ P: 4 \\ +/-: +6 \\ PIM: 16 \\ H: 40 \\ S: 18 \\ F: 0-0-0
S48: G: 0 \\ A: 0 \\ P: 0 \\ +/-: 0 \\ PIM: 10 \\ H: 42 \\ S: 17 \\ F: 0-0-0
===========================================
Transactions:
S35 Undrafted in the SMJHL Draft (Clerical Error)
S35 Signed 1 Year/$2M contract with SMJHL Team, Montreal Militia
S36 Drafted in SHL Entry Draft by Toronto North Stars (28th Overall)
S36 Signed 2 Year/$6M contract with SHL Team, Toronto North Stars, with a team option
S36 Sent Down to SMJHL Team, Montreal Militia
S36 Called Up to SHL Team, Toronto North Stars
S37 Sent Down to SMJHL Team, Montreal Militia
S37 Called up to SHL Team, Toronto North Stars
S37 Traded from Toronto North Stars to New England Wolfpack
S37 Traded from New England Wolfpack to Winnipeg Jets
S37 Traded from Winnipeg Jets to San Francisco Pride
S38 San Francisco Pride exercise team option on contract
S39 Signed 2 Year/$7M contract with SHL Team, San Francisco Pride, with a Player Option
S41 Signed 3 Year/$14.5M contract with SHL Team, San Francisco Pride
S44 Signed 1 Year/$6M contract with SHL Team, San Francisco Pride
S45 Signed 1 Year/$4M contract with SHL Team, San Francisco Pride
S46 Signed 13 Year/$54M contract with SHL Team, San Francisco Pride
S48 Retired at the end of the season
===========================================
Trophy Case/Achievements:
S36 Named Alternate Captain of the Montreal Militia
S37 Retained Alternate Captaincy of the Montreal Militia
S37 Oriens Trophy Winner with the Montreal Militia
S37 IIHF Bronze Medalist with the United Kingdom
S38 President's Trophy with the San Francisco Pride
S40 IIHF Silver Medalist with the United Kingdom
S41 IIHF Gold Medalist with the United Kingdom
S42 Named Alternate Captain of the San Francisco Pride
S42 Awarded the Turd Ferguson Award for most Penalty Minutes in the season with 91
S46 IIHF Silver Medalist with the United Kingdom
S47 IIHF Gold Medalist with the United Kingdom
S49 Number Retired by the San Francisco Pride (#13)

Player Page||Update Page

But I wish I'd been a little more exceptional
And I wish I'd been a little unconventional
But I was not enough, no, I'm not enough

I bought a dildo for @Clint Eastwood. All he does in the locker room is talk about sex, but he doesn't have a girlfriend, so I often (regrettably) spot him jizzing in the bathroom when I have to take a piss. So, I bought him a dildo so he doesn't have to pleasure himself.

Should've gone with a fleshlight

Cal Juice
Tomas Zadina
Brady McIntyre

@FlappyGiraffe As our GM and my new best friend, I got you a big pile of shit. I know you are in to home fertilization now so I figured some premium poop is right up your alley!

Colorado Raptors Capitan S42-Until Forever!
Czechia Wants you! Ask about a transfer!!

S74 - Troy McClure IIII
Late To Draft - Signed by Regina Elk
Drafted 18th overall in SHL Draft to New England Wolfpack






S42-Troy McClure III- D-Retired
Undrafted Signing-S41
S43-S52 SHL Totals: 500 games played 32 goals 189 assists 891 hits 10227 minutes
S41-S42 SMJHL Totals: 100 games played 10 goals 52 assists 187 hits 1818 minutes
S41-S52 Czechia Totals: 124 games played 12 goals 42 assists 230 hits 2468 minutes




Awards
S41 WJC Gold Medal Champion Co-GM!!
S42 Quilha Agante Trophy Winner
S42 Ideen Fallah Trophy Winner
 S44 Champion Cup Champion - Winnipeg Jets
S53 Champion Cup Champion - Hamilton Steelhawks

@karlssens I got you a World's Greatest GM mug. You've made a home for me in the SHL that I never want to leave for reasons both on and off the ice. So here's something to remind you how cool you are every time you take a sip of morning joe.

@Muford I got you a Heroes of the Storm figurine for you to put next to your monitor. That way you'll think about me when you play. Decided to go with this one, she seems like your type


@Keygan I got you a Blake Lively body pillow. You can snuggle up against it at night to get back at your girlfriend if she tries to pull some shit.

@Evok I got you tickets to the Montreal Canadiens game on Saturday the 24th. Coincidentally I also @Ace Boston Bruins tickets and they're right next to each other!

@iOBESE I got you the new hit game, Secret Liberal! The Latvian version of Secret Hitler.

@ckroyal92 I got you some pot holders.


@Leafs4ever I got you an Edmonton Blizzard jacket with "Coach" stitched on it (including the quotation marks).

@Blastmeaway I got you some of the good kush. And the real good stuff, none of that dollar store shit.

@"cpetrella" I got you a Boston Bruins teddy bear


@majesiu I got you a baseball glove signed by Moe Drabowsky, the best Polish baseball player in history!

@Paq I got you tickets to next season's Super Bowl.

@ErM I got you the box set of season one of Legends of the Hidden Temple!

@jRuutu I got you a snapshot of the SHL from S27 https://web.archive.org/web/201603122145...jcink.com/

@Whikadoodle I got you a set of dentures so that if your chippy chiclets ever get knocked out during a game you'll never lose your shiny teeth that sparkle just like the stars in space!

@SlashACM I got you a subscription to Hulu, Netflix and HBO so we have a ton of new things to choose from while we watch movies and shows together!

Cal Juice
Tomas Zadina
Brady McIntyre

@Troy_McClure03

I have brought to you an investment opportunity. We love hot tubs, everybody loves hot tubs. One of the most enjoyable moments in a person's life is when they crack a cold beer while sitting in a warm tub. More people need to experience that more often. We use our hot tub technology and bring it to the world. we get a hot tub the size of a small restaurant and we put seats and tables and turn it into the best bar on this side of the Mississippi. Think about it? Waitresses and Waiters will wear less clothes than any other restaurant in North America (except that one place we hit up in Mexico) and it will be perfectly acceptable because they're just in bathing suits! So my gift to you is the opportunity to be my partner in this amazing entrepreneurial adventure. What do you say? Merry Christmas

Tony Pepperoni || C || Edmonton Blizzard || 2072 Max TPE
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season
S45 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 13 || A: 10 || P: 23 || +/-: +13
S46 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 17 || A: 22 || P: 39 || +/-: -6
S47 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 20 || A: 21 || P: 41 || +/-: +8
S48 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 18 || A: 19 || P: 37 || +/-: -6
S49 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 25 || A: 30 || P: 55 || +/-: -1
S50 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 16 || A: 29 || P: 45 || +/-: +3
S51 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 25 || A: 41 || P: 66 || +/-: +23
S52 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 17 || A: 22 || P: 39 || +/-: -5
S53 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 24 || A: 33 || P: 57 || +/-: +24
S54 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 27 || A: 47 || P: 74 || +/-: +8
S55 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 25 || A: 44 || P: 69 || +/-: +30
S56 || EDM || GP: 50 || G: 18 || A: 32 || P: 50 || +/-: +14
S57 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 30 || A: 48 || P: 78 || +/-: +36
S58 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 37 || A: 34 || P: 71 || +/-: +39
S59 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 27 || A: 33 || P: 60 || +/-: +17
S60 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 32 || A: 24 || P: 56 || +/-: +13
S61 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 18 || A: 46 || P: 64 || +/-: +8
S62 || EDM || GP: 66 || G: 26 || A: 25 || P: 51 || +/-: -6
S63 || BAP || GP: 66 || G: 09 || A: 29 || P: 38 || +/-: +55
S64 || BAP || GP: 66 || G: 15 || A: 18 || P: 33 || +/-: +33
CAR || GP: 1,128 || G: 439 || A: 607 || P: 1,046 || +/-: +298
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Playoffs:
S45 || EDM || GP: 18 || G: 01 || A: 00 || P: 01 || +/-: 0
S46 || EDM || GP: 04 || G: 02 || A: 00 || P: 02 || +/-: 0
S47 || EDM || GP: 06 || G: 02 || A: 03 || P: 05 || +/-: +2
S48 || EDM || GP: 05 || G: 01 || A: 01 || P: 02 || +/-: -5
S49 || EDM || GP: 23 || G: 06 || A: 14 || P: 20 || +/-: +4
S50 || EDM || GP: 06 || G: 02 || A: 04 || P: 06 || +/-: 0
S51 || EDM || GP: 16 || G: 12 || A: 09 || P: 21 || +/-: +5
S52 || EDM || GP: 06 || G: 00 || A: 02 || P: 02 || +/-: -5
S53 || EDM || GP: 17 || G: 05 || A: 15 || P: 20 || +/-: +4
S54 || EDM || GP: 06 || G: 01 || A: 02 || P: 03 || +/-: 0
S55 || EDM || GP: 11 || G: 00 || A: 09 || P: 09 || +/-: -2
S56 || EDM || GP: 19 || G: 05 || A: 12 || P: 17 || +/-: -2
S57 || EDM || GP: 07 || G: 00 || A: 02 || P: 02 || +/-: -2
S58 || EDM || GP: 12 || G: 03 || A: 06 || P: 09 || +/-: -4
S59 || EDM || GP: 10 || G: 09 || A: 08 || P: 17 || +/-: +10
S60 || EDM || GP: 10 || G: 06 || A: 02 || P: 08 || +/-: -1
S61 || EDM || GP: 14 || G: 03 || A: 06 || P: 09 || +/-: -2
S62 || EDM || GP: 04 || G: 00 || A: 02 || P: 02 || +/-: -2
S63 || BAP || GP: 17 || G: 01 || A: 06 || P: 07 || +/-: +4
S64 || BAP || GP: 11 || G: 02 || A: 06 || P: 08 || +/-: +4
CAR || GP: 222 || G: 61 || A: 109 || P: 170 || +/-: +6
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Transactions:
S43: Drafted 25th Overall by Edmonton Blizzard
S43: Signed to a 3 season $3 million contract
S45: Called up to the SHL
S45: Signed 3 season $9 million extension
S49: Signed 13 season $52 million extension
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Team Awards:
S45: Challenge Cup Champions (EDM)
S49: Challenge Cup Champions (EDM)
S49: IIHF Gold Medal Winner (GER)
S50: IIHF Silver Medal Winner (GER)
S51: Western Conference Champions (EDM)
S53: Western Conference Champions (EDM)
S57: IIHF Bronze Medal Winner (GER)
S58: IIHF Bronze Medal Winner (GER)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Personal Awards/Nominations:
S49: 1st Team All-Star
S51: 1st Team All-Star (Unanimous)
S51: Sarmad Khan Trophy Winner
S51: Ron Mexico Trophy Winner
S51: Sergei Karpotsov Trophy Winner
S51: Joe McKeil Trophy Winner
S51: Jeff Dar Trophy Nominee
S51: Anton Razov Trophy Nominee
S52: IIHF Leading Scorer
S53: 2nd Team All-Star
S53: Anton Razov Trophy Nominee
S54: 1st Team All-Star
S54: Ron Mexico Trophy Nominee
S55: 2nd Team All-Star
S55: Jeff Dar Trophy Nominee
S55: Joe McKeil Trophy Winner
S57: 3rd Team All-Star
S59: IIHF Top-Forward Finalist



Tony Pepperoni || LW/C || Colorado Raptors || 350 TPE
-------------------------------------------
SMJHL Stats:
S42 || COL || GP: 50 || G: 15 || A: 17 || P: 32 || +/-: +13
S43 || COL || GP: 50 || G: 10 || A: 19 || P: 29 || +/-: -5
S44 || COL || GP: 38 || G: 11 || A: 21 || P: 32 || +/-: +5
S44 || DET || GP: 12 || G: 08 || A: 03 || P: 11 || +/-: +7
CAR || GP: 150 || G: 44 || A: 60 || P: 104 || +/-: +20
-------------------------------------------
Playoff Stats:
S42 COL || GP: 4 || G: 0 || A: 1 || P: 1 || +/-: -1
S43 COL || GP: 7 || G: 1 || A: 1 || P: 2 || +/-: -4
S44 DET || GP: 7 || G: 1 || A: 1 || P: 2 || +/-: -2
CAR || GP: 18 || G: 2 || A: 3 || P: 5 || +/-: -7
-------------------------------------------
S42: Drafted 33rd overall in S42 SMJHL Draft to Colorado
S42: Vyacheslav Onoprienko Trophy Winner
S44: Named Captain of Colorado Raptors
S44: Traded from COL to DET

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

For my gift, I would like to graciously offer @SlashACM the charred remains of nipple nuggie. It was a shit city so I have no problem giving them up.

(Sig Credit: toedragon84)


Jolmi Koivu || RW/C || Colorado Raptors || 289TPE
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S55 - COL || 66GP || 12G ||23A || 35P || +/-: 9 || 129 SOG
------------------------------------------------------------
Player History
Drafted Round 3 pick 36 to Colorado Raptors



Andrew Martin || C || Hamilton Steelhawks || 722TPE
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Regular Season Stats
S42 - COL || 50GP || 8G || 8A || 16P || +/-: -1 || 44 SOG
S43 - COL/VAN || 50GP || 16G || 32A || 48P || +/-: 15 || 124 SOG
S44 - VAN || 50GP || 16G || 33A || 49P || +/-: 8 || 113 SOG
------------------------------------------------------------
SMJHL Playoff Stats
S42 - COL || 4GP || 0G || 2A || 2P || +/-: 0 || 5 SOG
S43 - VAN || 10GP || 7G || 4A|| 11P || +/-: 4 || 23 SOG
S44 || 14GP || 6G || 7A || 13P || +/-: 0 || 33SOG
------------------------------------------------------------
IIHF Stats
S43 - GER || 12GP || 0G || 0A || 0P || +/-: -3 || 5SOG
S44 - GER || 1GP || 0G || 0A || 0P || +/-: 0 || 0SOG
------------------------------------------------------------
SHL Regular Season Stats
S44 - HAM || 50GP || 12G || 13A || 25P || +/-: -13 || 95SOG
------------------------------------------------------------
Player History

S42:
Drafted 46th Overall by Colorado Raptors
Named Alternate Captain of the Colorado Raptors
Signed 1 year 3 million dollar deal with Raptors

S43:
Drafted 17th Overall by Hamilton Steelhawks
Signed 1 year 3 million dollar deal with the Steelhawks
Traded to Vancouver Whalers from Colorado Raptors
Won the S43 Four Star Cup with the Vancouver Whalers

S44:
Signed 1 year 2 million dollar deal with the Steelhawks

I bought a Xbox for Dank Boija @Snussu. He said in VHA chat he wanted one to play NHL 19 and was sad that he didn’t have a console, and the consoles NHL 19 is compatible with are the XBox and the PS4. Since he already has an XBox controller that makes the most sense.

[img=0x0]https://i.imgur.com/ByNN8Jn.gif[/img]

@dizzyDC

To welcome dizzy to the Texas Renegades, I bought him his own coffee machine and kit for him to make his own coffee to help him forget about the Seattle Starbucks and keep his mind on his new town.

Hey @"cpetrella" I bought you a Stallion winter classic jersey. Its a children's small.. That's your size right? Can't wait for him to return to the lineup.

only my pp size :sunglasses:

i need the stallion back in my life though. i feel empty without him

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Teddy Cuddles  |  RW  | Edmonton Blizzard | Hall of Fame
Player Type : Two Way Forward
Height: 6'5" | Weight: 220 lbs | Age: 19
Number: 79
Birthplace: Providence, Rhode Island, USA
--------------------------------------------------------------
Regular Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:28 | G:2 | A:1 | P:3 | PIMs:5 | HIT:7 | Shots:25 | +/-:-4
S36 | STL | GP:50 | G:10 | A:10 | P:20 | PIMs:5 | HIT:97 | Shots:88 | +/-:-1
S37 | STL | GP:50 | G:13 | A:27 | P:40 | PIMs:56 | HIT:120| Shots:146 | +/-:+10
S38 | EDM | GP:50 | G:6 | A:7 | P:13 | PIMs:62 | HIT:114 | Shots:83 | +/-:-18
S39 | EDM | GP:50 | G:7 | A:15 | P:22 | PIMs:36 | HIT:161 | Shots:78 | +/-:-10
S40 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:29 | P:42 | PIMs:46 | HIT:197 | Shots:109 | +/-:+7
S41 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:17 | P:34 | PIMs:49 | HIT:143 | Shots:121 | +/-:-4
S42 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:24 | P:41 | PIMs:52 | HIT:135 | Shots:132 | +/-:+9
S43 | EDM | GP:50 | G:14 | A:23 | P:37 | PIMs:24 | HIT:121 | Shots:121 | +/-:-2
S44 | EDM | GP:50 | G:21 | A:32 | P:53 | PIMs:28 | HIT:131 | Shots:214 | +/-:+19
S45 | EDM | GP:50 | G:13 | A:24 | P:37 | PIMs:51 | HIT:170 | Shots:185 | +/-:+9
S46 | EDM | GP:50 | G:29 | A:31 | P:60 | PIMs:53 | HIT:152 | Shots:195 | +/-:+9
S47 | EDM | GP:50 | G:17 | A:33 | P:50 | PIMs:46 | HIT:182 | Shots:199 | +/-:+8
S48 | EDM | GP:50 | G:22 | A:23 | P:45 | PIMs:26 | HIT:182 | Shots:210 | +/-:+7
S49 | EDM | GP:50 | G:20 | A:25 | P:45 | PIMs:36 | HIT:149 | Shots:208 | +/-:+1
--------------------------------------------------------------
Post Season Stats :
S35 | STL | GP:7 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:0 | HIT:2 | Shots:4 | +/-:+1
S36 | STL | GP:6 | G:1 | A:1 | P:2 | PIMs:7 | HIT:14 | Shots:12 | +/-:+3
S37 | STL | GP:13 | G:4 | A:5 | P:9 | PIMs:26 | HIT:26 | Shots:30 | +/-:+7
S38 | EDM | Did not qualify
S39 | EDM | GP:7 | G:3 | A:3 | P:6 | PIMs:4 | HIT:18 | Shots:10 | +/-:+1
S40 | EDM | GP:7 | G:1 | A:6 | P:7 | PIMs:4 | HIT:33 | Shots:15 | +/-:+2
S41 | EDM | GP:7 | G:2 | A:3 | P:5 | PIMs:12 | HIT:15 | Shots:15 | +/-:+1
S42 | EDM | GP:11 | G:5 | A:8 | P:13 | PIMs:10 | HIT:25 | Shots:38 | +/-:+1
S43 | EDM | Did not Qualify
S44 | EDM | GP:11 | G:4 | A:7 | P:11 | PIMs:12 | HIT:31 | Shots:42 | +/-:+3
S45 | EDM | GP:18 | G:7 | A:11 | P:18 | PIMs:24 | HIT:56 | Shots:68 | +/-:+8
S46 | EDM | GP:4 | G:0 | A:0 | P:0 | PIMs:2 | HIT:9 | Shots:11 | +/-:-5
S47 | EDM | GP:6 | G:3 | A:2 | P:5 | PIMs:6 | HIT:24 | Shots:25 | +/-:+2
S48 | EDM | GP:5 | G:2 | A:2 | P:4 | PIMs:0 | HIT:11 | Shots:19 | +/-:0
S49 | EDM | GP:23 | G:7 | A:17 | P:24 | PIMs:18 | HIT:76 | Shots:89 | +/-:-2
--------------------------------------------------------------
Awards and Achievements:
S37 | STL Kanye Summers Award for Regular Season Team MVP
S37 | STL Bradley Wingels Award for Best Forward
S40 | Gold Medal Winner
S40 | Aidan Richan Trophy Winner
S44 | Became 4th player in Edmonton Blizzard History to reach 1000 Hits
S45 | Challenge Cup Champion
S45 | Anton Razov Trophy for Playoff MVP
S45 | Silver Medal Winner
S46 | 1st Team All Star
S46 | Sarmad Kahn Nominee
S46 | Jef Darr Nominee
S47 | Jef Darr Nominee
S49 | Challenge Cup Champion
S49 | Anton Razov Nominee
--------------------------------------------------------------
Draft/Signing/Trade History:
S35 | Signed to STL
S36 | Drafted to Calgary 26th overall
S36 | Traded to Edmonton


Ambacas “Femboy Hooters” Cuddles | D | Tampa Bay Barracuda

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM