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Dear Vancouver
#1

Ya know, I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. Captain Dom is going to be furious when he reads this, but Dom, I had to do it. I’ve sat by for the last several weeks, trying to be the good guy who just gave your generic hockey guy answers and I honestly felt like progress was made. But Dom, I can’t just sit back and watch this anymore. I can’t let the public be in the dark about this entire situation. I’ve talked to Sophia and she told me, “Troy, if you believe it’s right, do it”. Well may God have mercy on your souls because this one has been a long fucking time coming.

Vancouver, I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but you make Detroit look like a bunch of fucking saints. I know all about your fuckin tactics and let me tell you, you make me sick. I’d rather lose every game for the next 15 seasons of my career than ever put on your jersey. I would rather swallow a needle than step foot in your arena for your slobbering, moron fans. If I am ever forced to step into a locker room with one of your players, I cannot be held accountable for what happens. If you wanna trash talk me while knowing I’m not going to strike back, that’s fine. If you want to take shots at my rookies, you can go ahead and try. Joseph Laraque made your entire team his bitch in the season opener. And he’ll do it again. If you wanna bring Sophia into this, you can go ahead, she’s tougher than any of those wimps on your team who are too busy playing touch butt in the park with that dork with the ponytail to actually try to improve what little skill in hockey they have.

I got through an entire season with minimal issue with your squad. I don’t know what snapped in your puny little brains to try and take me on, but you have no chance. You and your front office are the greasiest little bastards I’ve ever laid eyes on since coming into this league. I know I’ve said it about a lot of guys, but you really are some of the slimiest sons of bitches in this league. I find it lovely that you think you can try to trash talk our team, when in reality you can only attempt to. Even attempt is a generous way to put it when you make a fool out of yourself, your city, your organization and your entire province. Let me put it this way Luke, you better keep reminiscing on those days where we were in the basement, because they’re coming to an end. In fact, looking at the standings right now, who’s that I see in the basement? OH, surprise surprise. It’s the fuckin bottom feeding Whalers who got pimp slapped by yours truly before getting their asses kicked by St. Louis. I give credit where credit’s due. There’s a reason why St. Louis repeated as champions. Because they have class, while the closest thing resembling class in Vancouver are the English classes they send Jax Duggan to so that he can attempt to trash talk other teams.

I’m not just writing this because of the piss-poor trash talk I’ve forced myself to sit through and read. Honestly, that would be a waste of all of our time. I’m here because at least two little snakes in the grass decided that they don’t like winning. They want to live a life of failure and go to a low class, vile shithole known as the Vancouver Whalers. I’m gonna let you kids in on a little secret. Ice time? It comes to the best. If you want to be the best, and put in the fucking effort, you rise to the top. If you want the ice time handed to you, well then go to Vancouver where you’ll get all the ice time to play on a nothing team for nothing but a first round exit. That’s where they’re going this year, and you can deny it and try and throw last season at me, but you all look fucking dreadful. Maybe if your shit-talking GM could do his job as well as he talks trash, you’d be a .500 team this year. Spewing the same line over and over is lazy. It’s also just not smart. What happens when that line is no longer true? You have to come up with new ones, but we all know that’s just a little far beyond your capabilities.

I know well what your response will be. “If I’m such a bad GM, why did they want to come here instead?” Well, when someone feeds you pretty little lies, you’re inclined to believe them. We were upfront about what they would get, and why. The only thing you’ll develop into with ice time in Vancouver is a broken, mentally drained shell of a man who has no hope nor any desire to better yourself. We found our reasons to keep getting better when we turned things around and found that if we kept working, we’d be better this year. In Vancouver, you can work as hard as you want, but the fact will remain that you’ll be Montreal’s bitch, you’ll be St. Louis’ bitch, and you’ll be our bitch until we decide we’re done beating you. 

I haven’t even mentioned your players yet, but hell, I might as well give them hell since you’ll just sic em on us whether it’s provoked or not. Jax Duggan, kid, you have a long way to go before you can get me to truly have an outburst towards you like Kit Smeb, or Nik Evans, or Monkey D. Luffy. I give them shit purely because they are good. They are just good enough for me to take notice and take aim. You aren’t there. I don’t think you’ll get there. And it is cute when you try to fire at us. Son, your arms are too short to box with God. So just don’t try.

Casimir Stevens, I’ve already said so much about you, because quite frankly I respected your game. Now, you’ve been the drizzling shits for two games but hey it’s only the regular season. Just imagine if the preseason counted, you’d be the best goalie in the league! Now do you want to say it matters now, or does is it just preseason? This isn’t directed entirely at you, Cassie. You’ve done the absolute least to earn this abuse. But, you also can’t get your big ass in front of the puck, so I guess you kinda deserve it. This is why Larson and McKorsy went above you, by the way.

The two little snakes in the grass, Aleister Crowley and Theo Morgan. I’d say that I’m taking your numbers into my memory right now, but you’ll be the easiest to spot out there. The ones who look like they’re out of their element. The ones who will be slower, smaller, and confused. I can safely say that your decision-making skills are among the worst I have ever seen. You had 10 options for teams to play for, and you picked the absolute worst one of the 10. Listen, I’m not pissed that you didn’t choose to come here. Some of us might be, but I’m not. What pisses me right off is that you went for the equivalent of toxic Indian moonshine when you could’ve had a nice fine wine instead. You didn’t just sign with a team, you insulted every other team interested in you by flip flopping like a goddamn politician. I expect to see your asses running for president in 2020 once you figure out that a career in Vancouver is more corrupt than one in Washington.

I’d just like to issue a quick apology. To Detroit. Yes, a real one this time. Detroit, I was fully convinced that you were the biggest group of scumbags from the most putrid garbage dump of  a city that I’d ever see in my life. Then in comes Vancouver, proving that I jumped the gun on declaring you as such. These sons of bitches run their team like it’s WCW. I’ll just THROW all my money at some guys because I WANT THEM and we’ll win because of it. Well the WCW has been out of business for 18 years and if the SMJHL head office knew what was good for them, they’d deliver the Whalers to the same fate. Detroit, I know we’ve had our conflicts, but just know that I’ll...skree with you motherfuckers any time you play those Wankouver fuckheads. That’s gonna take some getting used to but just push their shit in, Detroit.

I’ve done this long enough to know what a shitshow this will inevitably be. Quite frankly, I can go to sleep peacefully tonight knowing that whatever response you poor bastards mount up just isn’t going to hold up. I remember Jax Duggan’s first little bit of trash talk towards us and audibly asking Perry Morgan “who the fuck is this guy?” Then I read it and...we aren’t all blessed. I don’t normally threaten people who aren’t up to my level, but Jax Duggan, if you let Sophia’s name out of your mouth ever again, I will fuckin ankle pick you. The rest of you, I really hope you try to step up to the undefeated, undisputed champ. You all seem to like talking about cashing checks or some shit but if you take a look at the bank, you’ll see that I’m having no issues with cashing my checks. I know that it’s like the big insult in Vancouver to talk about cashing checks, since all of your game checks have been bouncing thanks to your management’s shoddy accounting, but here in Halifax, cashing checks is a hassle-free endeavor.

Normally, when I did these with Detroit, I felt a little bit relaxed and refreshed afterwards. This has been the most unpleasant thing I’ve written purely because I’ve been talking about the lowest forms of life the SMJHL has to offer. Vancouver, this is a war. I’ve already declared it, and the fact that I declare it already means you’re going to try and write it off. It’s not going to end whether you acknowledge it or not. What matters is that the rest of the league knows what a disgusting organization you are. I’ve heard that you have the rookies scrimmage against 6 year old peewee players. The scary part is that the six year olds are the ones laying down the fucking boom out there. I think I heard from a buddy of mine that one of the kids knocked Crowley on his ass and he started crying right there, before Casimir Stevens picked him up like he was fucking Rapunzel and carried him away. I don’t know what operation you sick fucks are running on the west, but that’s just disturbing.

The funniest part is when you little snakes decide to deflect. When I point out that we went 4-2 in the preseason against Vancouver, little Jacky boy says “yeah well you obviously weren’t focused on beating the other teams”. Buddeh, we went 12-3-1 in the first 16 games. Beating them wasn’t much of a problem there. The difference is they adjusted while you took beating after beating like you were some masochist who got off on getting defeated by us. And now we’re here in the regular season and we beat Vancouver, again, and then beat Lethbridge. Do you really think we focus on beating you and you alone? Bud, we don’t need to focus on that to beat you. We could be thinking about camels and cigarettes and still beat your asses. There are some teams that you have to keep in mind, like St. Louis and Detroit. Vancouver, you aren’t on their level, and you sure as hell won’t be this year either.

Good luck on the rest of your season, because God knows you poor sons of bitches are going to need it.

Troy Reynolds
Halifax Raider

(2034 Words of pure unadulterated hate)

Big Walter Ulrich
S69 Prospect
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#2

Fun fact, the man that first brought you to my attention was none other than THE NotoriousTIG, dont know if that means anything to you, but do with it what you will

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#3

Dom's just glad Troy has an outlet for his anger that doesn't involve murder or excessive drinking. If hockey doesn't work out, at least he'd probably get paid well as a freelance journalist.

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#4

02-26-2019, 03:32 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: Fun fact, the man that first brought you to my attention was none other than THE NotoriousTIG, dont know if that means anything to you, but do with it what you will

That's Monkey D. Luffy's dad

Big Walter Ulrich
S69 Prospect
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#5

02-26-2019, 03:46 PMsharksisback Wrote:
02-26-2019, 03:32 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: Fun fact, the man that first brought you to my attention was none other than THE NotoriousTIG, dont know if that means anything to you, but do with it what you will

That's Monkey D. Luffy's dad

He told me face to face he was your dad?

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#6

02-26-2019, 03:55 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote:
02-26-2019, 03:46 PMsharksisback Wrote: That's Monkey D. Luffy's dad

He told me face to face he was your dad?

sigh we had an entire Maury Povich segment, you'd think he'd drop it after the man says he's not the father but nooooo.

Big Walter Ulrich
S69 Prospect
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#7

One way or another this all started because Blix misread a situation and 2 different teams told me to write a post. I can respond, it wont be till after work, but I dont know if i really want to, feels weird going on and on in this because Blix cant read an article properly. Especially when I know Tig, the man that set this path is sitting back laughing.

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#8

02-26-2019, 03:56 PMsharksisback Wrote:
02-26-2019, 03:55 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: He told me face to face he was your dad?

sigh we had an entire Maury Povich segment, you'd think he'd drop it after the man says he's not the father but nooooo.

He doesnt believe in that DNA test, and if i had gone to detroit, probably would have had me do a media piece refuting the evidence

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#9

02-26-2019, 04:12 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote:
02-26-2019, 03:56 PMsharksisback Wrote: sigh we had an entire Maury Povich segment, you'd think he'd drop it after the man says he's not the father but nooooo.

He doesnt believe in that DNA test, and if i had gone to detroit, probably would have had me do a media piece refuting the evidence

Leave it to Detroit's GM to not believe in science. Meh not the worst GM I've seen

Big Walter Ulrich
S69 Prospect
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#10

02-26-2019, 04:15 PMsharksisback Wrote:
02-26-2019, 04:12 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: He doesnt believe in that DNA test, and if i had gone to detroit, probably would have had me do a media piece refuting the evidence

Leave it to Detroit's GM to not believe in science. Meh not the worst GM I've seen

He actually wanted to have a united front against you before i did that 'the kids arent alright" piece, going after who he believes is his own son like that disgraceful

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#11

02-26-2019, 04:17 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote:
02-26-2019, 04:15 PMsharksisback Wrote: Leave it to Detroit's GM to not believe in science. Meh not the worst GM I've seen

He actually wanted to have a united front against you before i did that 'the kids arent alright" piece, going after who he believes is his own son like that disgraceful

As much as I enjoy a nice long term war, I'm going back into the trash talk hibernation I was in previously. Your team can only coerce me out of it for so long, since after all, it is on your GM that this happened.

Big Walter Ulrich
S69 Prospect
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#12

02-26-2019, 04:21 PMsharksisback Wrote:
02-26-2019, 04:17 PMSecondSucks22 Wrote: He actually wanted to have a united front against you before i did that 'the kids arent alright" piece, going after who he believes is his own son like that disgraceful

As much as I enjoy a nice long term war, I'm going back into the trash talk hibernation I was in previously. Your team can only coerce me out of it for so long, since after all, it is on your GM that this happened.

Thats fair, have a nice trash talk nap?

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#13

Hahaha this is grade media right here. Take my uprep

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Czechoslovakia PROFILE || UPDATE || RAGE. Rage 
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#14
(This post was last modified: 02-26-2019, 04:32 PM by Daco.)

I mean I'm 4th in SV % it's not the best but not exactly shit talk territory after 2 games. Take your hockey stick and have your butt buddies shove it up your ass like I know you love to practice as pregame warmups to get a good stretch in.

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#15

02-26-2019, 04:31 PMDaco Wrote: I mean I'm 4th in SV % it's not the best but not exactly shit talk territory after 2 games. Take your hockey stick and have your butt buddies shove it up your ass like I know you love to practice as pregame warmups to get a good stretch in.

Oof inadvertant Jeffry Dahmer reference

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