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TheHockeyist · 11-05-2019, 04:53 PM

The two pals from Vancouver and now on Minnesota are once again talking to each other.

(Grader: To be split 50/50 with me and @C9Van as always)

(Also @Leppish and @tedlamotors get mentioned in here.)

Igor: Jon, anything going on?
Jon: Honestly? Nothing really. Just been doing my rookie season game by game.
Igor: Just training for S51.
Igor: Feeling any less cynical?
Igor is slightly concerned about Jon as he hasn't talked to him directly in quite a while.
Jon: Makes sense I guess and hell no. Getting revenge on the Winnipeg Jets this season was god damn thrilling! If the New England Wolfpack were on the list too they would be included. This is just the start.
Igor: Er... okay, Jon. I'm just on this ice surface, getting ready to train alone...
Jon: Why don't you enjoy the off-season more?
Igor: Eh, I prefer to be alone. Just help me get my skates tied and we'll be ready.
Igor: I swear, you're one of the few guys I trust with my skates.
Igor struggles a bit
Igor: Jon, you there, bud?
Jon: I'm not fucking doing your boots!
Igor: You know I struggle with them, right?
Jon: Good! Maybe you will fucking learn then!
Igor: You want me to die on the ice?
Igor: You know how paranoid I am when it comes to skates.
Igor: You know when we first met, I had the other guys tie them - this is exactly why. I don't trust myself to tie them - every time I tie them, I fail. You know all of those game stoppages in training where I had one of the other guys tie my skates, right?
Igor: I can't tie them, you know. If you're adamant about not tying them, maybe we can reach some sort of agreement or something. What do you think?
Igor spends some time thinking
Igor: How about this. I'll offer you a deal. This once, you'll tie my skates and explain what you're doing to me. Then maybe the next time, you'll explain and just assist me in tying them. From then on, we'll have something of a three-strike system. The first step is this. If I tie my skates, and they untie within a certain time period (say an hour or so), then it will be obvious that I struggle too much. If that happens, then you'll tie them. Otherwise if they hold up for longer and then untie, then I might be getting there. If that happens, you'll leave it to me, offering assistance if needed. If I struggle, you'll explain to me what to do. If I still struggle to tie them with your instructions, demonstrate on your skates. And if that doesn't work, you'll just tie them for me. How does that sound, buddy?
Jon: How you ever god damn survived on the ice all this time is beyond me. Like legit. But that deal does sound decent. You must stick to this deal mind and fucking pay attention though.
Igor: Deal, buddy. This once, you'll tie them. And then we'll go from there. If I forget something, just assist me. Igor hugs Jon
Jon pushes Igor off him after a while
Jon: Fucking 3 second rule. Okay. Watch! Jon ties Igor's skates slowly, explaining what he is doing to Igor.
Igor: Thanks, buddy. If I forget something next practice, let me know. You're one of the few guys I trust with my skates, and hopefully by the end of next season, I can trust myself and I won't need to rely on you.
Jon: I do not know why you trust me. Not many people in this league do.
Igor: I'm one of the guys who has known you the longest. We played on the same team in Vancouver even. And then stuff happened to you. And then here in Minnesota, yeah. I recognized you from Vancouver, we reconnected, yeah. I know how you tie your skates, and they never untied. So that's why I reached out to you.
Jon: Fair enough I guess. I am not the same dumb kid who entered the league though.
Igor: Yeah, I can tell. Pretty much why I relied on you once Tedla got sick over the off-season with something.
Igor: Tried to get Geoff but he redirected me to you, so here we are.
Jon: That motherfucker!
Igor: Geoff?
Igor: I know, I like him but he hates me once I dropped him from a height of 2 kilometers for science, you hate him, yeah. That's pretty clear between us. Jon, if you're adamant on helping me tie my skates and hiking boots, I will. I trust you to help me out.
Jon: Prick walks in and becomes captain. It disgusts me.
Igor: Better than the D guy - we kind of had to find a replacement for him...
Igor: Anyway, you ready to train for S51, what we originally met for?
Jon: Hell no. I'm enjoying my time off a little more before the UK get desperate and play me.
Igor: Then why are we at this rink?
Jon: So you can train and I can relax.
Igor: You like to relax by watching others train, I guess. Fair enough, buddy.
at the same time, Igor is giving a slightly concerned look to Jon, as if to say "watching others train doesn't motivate you to train?"
Jon kicks his feet up and relaxes
Igor: Well, here we go. Igor steps onto the ice alone. He immediately turns around and asks Jon if he bought a cardboard goalie with him. Igor mutters something in Russian to himself as he searches the area for a cardboard goalie.
Turns out that there is one and it's right next to Jon. Jon has his eyes closed and he ain't caring.
Igor: Ah! he takes it and returns to the ice to get it into position Now we can train defense!
Jon: Try not to suuuuck! We need to be good next season.
Igor: You know, you can train as well to improve your team. After all, it's a team effort.
Igor continues training for an hour straight, occasionally stopping to take a sip of Powerade
Jon: Yeah I believe you when you say team effort but for now this team needs a bit of rest.
Igor: You want your muscles to atrophy in the off-season and start off weaker than when you ended last season?
Jon: I'll get my shit sorted in pre-season. For now I can just enjoy that I got revenge on a team already this season.
Igor: Fair enough. he returns to training
Jon just kinda watches him and relaxes. Has a pina colada too for some reason
Igor wonders about the future of his team as he trains. He thinks of how Geoff would react to this sight. Although his mind wanders to astronomy and chemistry as it often does, he returns all attention to the puck and aims to defend it against the imaginary team in front of him.
Jon: What do you think about our team in future seasons?
Igor: I don't really know. I'll have to accept that my glory days were the Four Star Cup. And I'm okay with that. I'm not looking to the best hockey player in the world. I'm looking to just be on a good team. And even if I'm not - we may never recover, then still, my time on the ice will be worth it. I play for fun, not for the competitive aspect of it (except in a real game - I need to get revenge on the Steelhawks), but I like the Steelhawks. A lot of my Vancouver friends went there.
Igor: If that makes sense. I'm sort of pessimistic about the future, but I'm okay with sub-par seasons. Anything better will be a bonus.
Jon: Fair enough. I am kinda shocked you don't have a delusion about us getting better if I'm honest.
Igor: It's better to stay grounded in realism and not to be disappointed when grandiose visions of the future do not turn out as expected.
Jon: That I 100% agree with!
Igor: I mean, I know you want to get revenge on those who wronged you. But perhaps you will change into a more forgiving person over the future seasons with us. Or perhaps you'll forget them. Or perhaps your anger will intensify and then be redirected onto our own team after a particularly bad game. I don't know how the future will play out with you. But keep this in mind. You may never get revenge on those who wronged you. And I want you to be okay with this very real possibility.
Jon: I will never join the Steelhawks. They would just trade you in a heartbeat anyway knowing the staff there. They originally were interested in me too but lied. As long as I am playing I will fuck people and teams up.
Igor: a bit shocked at this response, but then realizes that this is normal behavior for Jon I understand. As I said, I'm not too interested in helping you get revenge. If you really want to get revenge, I'll offer this well-known advice: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Jon: Very true. Good thing we play on ice then.
Igor: Ahahahaha. The best way to get revenge if you want that is to carefully plan out and think how you want revenge, should you go that path. I'd advise not revenge, but forgiveness, as there is another saying: If you want revenge on someone, then dig two graves.
Jon: I forgave Manhattan thanks to Luke. That is the best that can happen for teams. But I will happily dig the graves.
Igor: Ah, no, it's a proverb or idiom of sorts. It means that if you seek to destroy a person, then you might as well destroy yourself. It's attributed to Confucius.
Jon: I know what you meant. I am more than happy to go down that path knowing it.
Igor: I wouldn't advise it, but I don't want this to turn into a lecture of "10 reasons why you shouldn't get revenge and why it also hurts yourself", you know?
Jon: But maybe #4 would shock me!
Igor: Number 4: It could very well backfire on you, and they could get revenge on you, starting a never-ending cycle of revenge that goes down generations.
Igor: Have you ever considered that possibility?
Jon: Bro unless Mika starts fucking me, that shit ain't happening.
Igor: So, ultimate revenge and you want to go down in history as "Jon Forty-One: The guy banned from playing hockey because his revenge was too intense"?
Jon: I wont get banned. I will just get my revenge and hopefully a cup. That would do me. I don't have the ability to call anywhere a true home now thanks to your Whalers so.
Igor: Well, this is effectively your new home... forever. Unless you want to get traded.
Igor: Also, if you want revenge, do it civilly and don't anger HO or get something like a game misconduct for your revenge. No one likes a toxic player in their locker room.
Igor: You feeling any better? Perhaps if you join in and train with me it will take your mind off of that.
Igor gets back to training as he finishes his anti-revenge rant.
Jon: I dunno if I can ever really call this place home. The whole picking Noah Tedla up before me still stings. Though they have been alright with me. The last time I was nice I got badly hurt in the draft and hated you Whalers. I then got soft as a captain and it happened again. The league can fuck off with the god damn niceness. It's all fake.
Igor: Even if you are nice, jerks exist and take advantage of you. Or perhaps you have had terrible management. The junior leagues play by different rules than the big guys. You're past that stage in your career. Your main goal now is not to get revenge, but to improve the team you're on so your team can win a Cup, if they do. You're not at risk of being traded again. That part of your career is over. It's behind you. Igor tries to reassure Jon that all is well now.
Jon: Which is why I do not want any more revenge in minors. I was asked to stay down actually just to fuck with Whalers but I got my winning goal vs. Whalers. Now I do not care. Even Montreal is dead so I do not need to focus on them. It's all about the majors revenge.
Igor: But why do you want revenge on the major teams when you weren't even on any of the other teams? I'm confused.
Jon: A lot of the teams come draft said they wanted me, that I would go in the 1st round. A lot of GMs lied to me. I heavily fell. I was given bullshit reason after bullshit reason. Now I am fucking the best Whaler by a country mile! Now I am already the second best Right Wing player in the fucking draft! Now I am already in the top 10 of my draft! I will fuck up each and every last General fucking Manager who lied by hurting every other team!
Igor: So...you just had a bad experience in the draft?
Igor: Can I ask what position you were drafted, like 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.?
Igor: For me, I was drafted 35th. Yes, 35th. I was only given one offer from the Chiefs. I took it.
Igor: And then the whole management thing broke out in Minnesota and I threatened to cancel my contract with them. I'm glad I didn't.
Jon: You were in a stacked draft class though. I went 23rd... in a trash draft class. I was supposed to be first rounder. I am the only god damn person in my cult not to go in top 5 yet alone 1st round! Do you know how fucking embarrassing that is!
Igor: Sometimes, you just end up unlucky through no fault of your own. Let me tell you this about myself. Several years ago, I applied for a selective technical institution in Moscow. I was a great applicant on paper. I got rejected - didn't get in. But it was no fault of my own. I just got very unlucky.
Igor: There we so many great applicants that I was left behind. Once the very great candidates were admitted, there was no room left for me. I suspect the same happened to you. The teams had different needs, and you just didn't fit what they were in desperate need of. At least you went 23rd. I went 35th.
Igor: So that's better than me at least.
Jon: I could have been 19th or 91st. All I wanted was to be a 1st rounder and have a home in majors and minors. I will not get anything I wanted out of my fucking career. I have nothing but revenge and I WILL get revenge.
Igor: Life sometimes hands us an undesirable hand of cards. All I ask is to play the best you can do with the hand you were given.
Igor: I mean, not like that. I'd encourage a more forgiving and humanitarian type of play style, like what I'm doing. I'm a strong guy. I look like the guy to be feared, and I could play that way, but I'm approachable and friendly.
Jon: I can see you getting hurt real soon. Simulation Hockey League is a cruel god damn place at the best of times. The days of me being fucking friendly died a long time ago.
Igor: I already have to fear getting hurt because of my skates.
Igor: I mean, I can see how you see that the SHL is a cruel place. I try to be more optimistic and be as friendly to those I encounter. I try to build a relationship with the managers so that they would regret trading me. I want them to know me as a human, not as a list of numbers in a spreadsheet.
Igor: Perhaps this might be your weakness.
Jon: I don't think building a relationship with management will change anything. You wont get to be a captain or assistant. Neither of us will. Still think they did that to make sure I couldn't be captain...The fact that every General Managers sees us as god damn numbers is the whole issue. I practically said everything to suggest how committed I would be to them and they all lied!
it became very apparent to Jon that this cycle of words was just going to keep going around and around
Igor: You know they have multiple applicants, right? They can only choose from a limited number of options, and perhaps you weren't exactly what they were looking for.
Igor: That's also why I shared my admissions story to the institution with you earlier.
Jon: The only logical thing I can understand from what you're saying is that I did not fucking deserve to go 1st round. I fucking proved myself every fucking time why I deserved top 10. Hell, fucking top 5. Fuck that legacy tournament I am one of the fucking best in the draft class and the fact I am dropping to our fucking trash former players in Whalers who all fizzle into jack shit is offensive to me!
Igor: I'm not saying you didn't deserve to go first round (maybe you did). I think one of two things is going on here. Please hear me out.
1. Ego inflation. We like to think we're better than we are. So maybe you convinced yourself you were a top 10 player, when really you were more like top 20 or top 30, or even top 50. It's easy to be blind to our weak spots. But you must discover them and improve on them. Had that happened, then perhaps you'd be more forgiving of your past self and realize that you weren't really a top 10.
2. The teams might have been okay with defensemen, and needed to go after the best centers and goalies first. Or they might have needed defensemen, but your characteristics didn't align with what they were looking for, and so after consideration from multiple applicants, they chose someone else over you. Maybe both of these factors worked together to push you down the rankings.
3. A combination of 1. and 2., which I suspect is most likely.
Or perhaps you really were unlucky. Life isn't fair, bud.
Jon: It cannot be #1. I am one of the most humble people in the world. #2 makes perfect sense but they simply just chose other people instead of me, even the Chiefs did. I can agree about life not being fair and I plan to fuck them up.
Igor: As I said, revenge is best served cold.
Igor senses that this conversation will repeat itself
Igor: Have I helped you out any? Or should we just agree to disagree on this or something?
Jon: Helped me avoid training even longer so yeah I reckon its productive.
Igor: Yeah. You just were dealt a bad hand I assume. But these teams will have bad seasons. They will move, they will fold. Eventually in the far future this league will not exist.
Igor: And that's all the revenge I need. After my death, revenge will unfold on everyone. Death comes for us all, even hockey teams.
Igor: Jon, let's train together. It will get your mind off of this. And we'll be even better for the next season. You bought your skates with you?
Igor realizes Jon probably didn't bring his skates with him
Igor: I'll get you some rental skates and we can train.
Jon doesn't move a muscle. What a lazy cunt.
Igor: Not interested in training? What will Geoff think of this?
Jon: Hurpy durp durp My NaMe Is GeOfF aNd HoW cOuLd YoU sKiP tRaInInG jOn?! ...Something like that
Igor: Yep, so get training or else I'll tell Geoff we're going to lose in S51!
Jon: Tell 'im. Geoff will not do shit to me.
Igor: I have just told him.
Jon: Good thing this ain't a prison then or you would get stitches, snitch.
Igor: I just like keeping my teammates accountable.
Igor's phone buzzes with Geoff's reply
Igor: "Jon is a scary man, i don't want to anger him."
Igor considers how to reply to this
Jon: Wrong number? I assume wrong number.
Igor replies to Geoff with "Well, he's not training, and he's going to contribute to the eventual downfall of Minnesota! We'll have to fold or relocate!"
Igor: No, I have his phone number in my contacts. Why wouldn't I?
Jon finishes his pina colada
Jon: Man, that was lovely.
Igor: You know if I pester Geoff enough, he'll get sick of me bothering you about your lack of not training and he'll force you to train.
Jon: He wont do shit. gets even more comfy
Igor: You know he doesn't want to anger me either, right?
Jon gets up and stretches
Jon: Well, I guess it is time isn't it!
Igor: Time to train!
Igor is on his phone still pestering Geoff.
Igor: to himself Geoff, reply! Tell Jon he has to train!
Jon: To train? Nah, nah. Time to go home! I will probably see you at the world championships, gotta get myself another medal.
Igor: What, you're not going to train today?
Igor: Or at all during the off-season?
Igor tries to think of something to convince Jon
Jon: Maybe before the world championships. Maybe.
Igor: If you train, then we'll stick to the shoelace agreement. How does that sound?
Jon: Nah. You learn it and that was a part of the deal or I can just refuse to ever tie them. Gotta try harder than that boyo.
Igor: Okay, I'll buy you a pina colada every time you train as an incentive for you to train. You save money.
Jon starts to get ready for training
Igor: I knew that would work. Hold on, let me get some rental skates for you, bud.
Igor hands Jon the spare rental skates from the front of the rink
Igor: Let's get training. After this, I'll buy you a pina colada.
Igor starts to wonder if his relationship with Jon will be better after this. At least he has convinced Jon to train, but it will take effort on his part to maintain the agreements he has with Jon. Igor watches Jon as he ties the rental skates, hoping that he'll learn how Jon does it soon enough.
Jon trains and he trains fucking hard