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Fitted2106 · 11-13-2019, 03:25 PM

WOOOOOOOO welcome back to sportsbeat folks and its round 2 of fucking fun and celebration we are here today at the kracken parade and im your host stan savern with me to my right douchebag of the year award nominee guy junker

[Guy] hi stan

[Stan] well lets get to it we have a great show for you today phineas gold will be by this evening as will super prophet himself Terrrrry bradshawwwww are you ready for that guy this team hasnt come down since last season.

[Guy] neither have i stan

[Stan] well you look like shit]

Guy] thats bracause i havent come down ive been doing for 334 days ive litterally not come down.

[Stan] well folks the name guy junker speaks for itself. How about this team huh falling down 3-1 in the second round and never lookong back its a truly special group we have here in carolina. We are joimed now by team captain phineas gold rumor has it the reason the kracken fell into a 3-1 series lead in the 2nd round is phineas gambling problem he bet on the kracken before the series started to come back from a 3-1 deficit how do you handle these alegations mr gold.

[Phineas] FAKE NEWS i am the goat number 1 im my keeper them boys never had a chance terry for life fuck free world 3 1 3 i put my dueces up baby.

[Stan] jesus i didnt understand a word of that but you had a greatpostseason phineas im sure your working hard towards next season correct.

[Phineas ] i beat my own drum stan i am the drum also that second round comeback was a bigger comeback than when george washington arm wrestled sacagawea for the lousina purchase.

[ terry bradshaw busting throygh the wall] did somebody say lousiannnnnnnaaaaaa.

[Stan] oh my goodness folks as promised heres the guest of honor himself terry bradshaw. Terry did you enjoy what the kracken did in the finals there?

[Terry] blue 32 half back draw HOOORAHHHHH.

[Stan] what the fuck?

[Terry] Concussions HOOORAH you gonna eat that cracker there?

[Guy] terry thats lint dont eat that]

[Terry] did you know that forest gump was an astronaught look it up Hoorah blue 32 hut hut.

[Stan] my lord guy hes more fucked than you. Well terry your an inspiration to this team hows life changed for your group phineas.

[Phineas] not much were still number one whoopin but partyin ya know the usual for the top dawgs me and my gs run this you know that stan we aint no joke out there. Strike hard strike fast and we ended that series cuz i wanted to eat ass and a mans gottA eat stan.

[Guy] we are also proud phineas for terry bradshaws new commercial which we will show the world premiere of now

[Commercial]

Chris collinsworth] NOW HERES A GUY

[Terry smacks chris]

[Terry] WE DONT DO THAT HERE. Hi folks terry bradshaw here with krack cola [takes sip] ahhhhhh taste like victory krack kola its kracken in a can baby.

[Guy] wow terry so your really taking a liking to carolina arent ya.

[TERRY Speaking jibberish and fast]

Yaaa know wata mean mayne hoorah Lsu baby terry time shotgun 72 72 touchdown kracken baby.

[Guy] did he skip a doctors visit or something my goodness.

[Stan ] yeah just like you did rehab i bet well next up we have alexi rykov Joining us ragin cajun hows it going?

[Rykov] I AM SCORE WE ARE SCORE IT TERRY TIME BITCHES.

[Terry] SWEEEET MEEEEE GUYYYYYY BUM BUM BUM

[Stan] ok i think that wraps it up for us here at sportsbeat its been a great season kracken but it seems everyone has partied a bit to hard heres to the kracken next season joining the elite company of kelowana and st louis in there bid for a 3 peat goodnight folks!