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**Lime** · 03-12-2020, 03:51 AM

sike do i look like fuckin smellmenowski to you?
i'm gonna give it to you straight chief (and players on other teams)

first order of business only a noob team would draft based on need like wtf if you need a center so badly and you got a wing just stick him in the middle of the ice what is he a fuckin immovable object? faceoffs are easy anyway just get your goalie to do them they have the best reflexes. meanwhile literally roll up a carpet in front of your net and you're guaranteed a playoff spot.

so obviously the best way to draft is in straight tpe order

that stands for sTeve Picks Em which means what I say goes and if any GM has a problem with that they can take it up with Andrei

ROUND 1

1. whinypig planes - Andrei Kostitsyn - you all know my boy Andrei he got coronavirus now or maybe he's bluffing but are you gonna take that risk? you better move the fuck out the way or he's gonna slam your ass to the ice and spit on you yall KNOW winnipeg traded up for this boy outta fear and they aren't wrong i swear to god im gonna piss myself if i play against him

2. michael bay barracudas - Ryujjiji miniminnow - this is one fast swimmer lemme tell you the barracuda are lookin for an apex predator and they found him in the deep abyss of that smjhl draft this dude went like 450th last time but now he's 2nd and if you don't like that math you don't like SHL shuffleboarding

3. buffalo sabres - steve hairperson - now this one was an inside job cuz buffalo sent out some doctored images that made it look like the hair was going 1st but it was all smoke grenades and black mirrors so nobody was prepared to nab him but obviously the city famous for their wings was gonna grab this one

4. texas - axel meszaros - texas has no respect for toronto and neither does anyone else. they're gonna take axel from ml and he's just gonna let it happen

5. buffalo sabres - steve hairperson - buffalo will select steve twice just to flex on the other teams

6. West Kendall Platoon - Magnus Liljestrom - The Platoon are in need of some defensive pieces to bring them out of a rebuild and back into the prosperity they experienced in the S40s. To do this they will likely select the most promising ca- wait a minute wait a minute... By god that's- That's Jukka Timonen's music! Timonen is ripping the 6th overall pick right out of Liljestrom's hands! This is unbelievable!

7. LA furries - Luke Thomason - los angeles has elected to draft a player that is already in the league. this is smart because luke is a proven player and and could be a key piece in a cup run for the furries this season. the graphics graders have given this draft selection a 10/10.

8. ml - Miro Slapskinnenen - ml will be looking to draft one of the major players from the prospect tournament and a star inactive in Slapskinnenen. Slaps has just the right amount of activity to blend in with the rest of empty chairs in Toronto.

9. calgary flamelizards - Antti Antinen - not to be outdone by a guy with 2 whole letters in his name, calgary will select a player that has already retired

10. Edmonton McDavids - McDavid - edmonton will draft connor mcdavid from the nhl because he has like 3000 tpe in fhm and is op as fuck

11. Assassin's Creed Syndicate - that game kinda sucks ngl

12. michael bay barracudas - jiminy wiggler - steve will lose the bet with wiggler because that shit happens every time steve bets on anything and i fucking hate gambling

13. uh we need a goalie in here somewhere i guess idk who is 13th but they can have franz ferdinand or sarsaparilla boron or whoever i dont honestly care imagine going this late in the draft anyway

14. Winnipeg Jets - Bradley Barkov

15. san diego chargers - Valentin Kalashnikov - first round is good, but not as good as harrington, as usual

16. new york red bulls - Luke Thomason - unfortunately the bulls will have to use their pick to get luke back from the panthers also im pretty sure the draft works like white elephant where you can steal shit so this is pretty likely

17. where the fuck is hamilton and new england they do not seem to be taking this draft very seriously

ROUND 2

18. michael bay barracuda - again? thats bullshit too many picks they forfeit this one

19. la furries - Jason Visser - the panthers will go after an easier target and pick up Jason Visser. Jason Visser has more TPE than you do.

20. texas - nobody can possibly be reading this entire thing. are you actually insane. hi mom.

21. im not even gonna lie i forget Minnesota is a thing like a lot - Chris Cerullo - i also forget chris cerullo is a thing a lot

22. texas - Burlok Sulfurgold - i mean literally why not at this point this dude has had like 10 million generations of hockey players in his family his blood cells are shaped like hockey pucks and his first words were wheel snipe and celly in that order

23. guys i found new england

24. tampa should forfeit this pick for the meme

25. Tornado South Rats - PeaKay Soupcan - if only so they can draft PBJ Souppan next season

26. Calgary Dragons - Remember Tommy Outlaw? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

27. chiefs - i really wish zeep zorp was still around

28. manhattan rage - Bred Wanesly - an absolutely fascinating turn of events to find fred wanesly turned into bread

29. h a m i l t o n

30. toronto - rocco's modern life

31. lee in

32. pass

33. pass

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

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