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S55 SHL Draft Anagrammed Futures (x2 draft media)
#1

I, the seer of anagrammed futures, have returned! After resting to regain my powers I am back once more to predict the futures of the young men and women entering the Simulation Hockey League. For those of you unbelieving that may have forgotten I do not waste my powers looking at stats or site activity. NO! I use only what the spirits tell me with anagrams of the player’s name. I hear many of you scoffing! First of all, how dare you mock the power of the great beyond? Second, shut up.

This time around I will go through each SMJHL team and see into the futures of each player that is eligible for the upcoming draft. Hopefully, it will prove as boon or at least a warning to the SHL general managers that are still trying to finalized their draft boards. As always the spirits are often contradicting and always cryptic. I will do my best to decipher what they speak to me. And as always nobody's future is written in stone. It could always change for better or worse.

Anaheim Outlaws (Emulation Awash)

Sergei Voskoboynikov
I am seeing young Sergei being a bit of an odd ball and a handful for management. The first thing the spirits relate to me is “obeying kooks over vis”. Vis of course is latin for power to force, so it looks like Sergei could be into some extreme politics either on or off the ice. Given the current political climate this could prove to be a headache for many teams. SV looks to be eccentric as well with “envoys book koi givers”. Is his social group going to be throwing fish around all willy nilly? Lastly, he could be coming into the SHL in less than peak physical condition, “rook vivo obese skying”. The rook’s living a life, vivo, so wild that obeses is skying AKA he’s putting on pounds and not in a good way.

Sasha Voskoboynikov
Sasha looks to possibly be a more cerebral player in the SHL, “savvy as bookish nook”. Sasha could be very resourceful on the ice to make up for any lacking physicality. In fact the spirits mention savvy in half of their predictions for Sasha. In the other half they keep telling me “savoy”, a kind of cabbage. Sasha could be a health nut which is a pretty big plus for an SHL player. “Savoy vis. Ban kook hos” is saying to me that Sasha will gain power from a cabbage based diet and and ban all the kook ass hos that may distract them from a long career in the SHL.

Hubert Andrews
Andrews looks to be an avid outdoorsman and beer aficionado, “hunt ad brewers”. This could go either way in the future. The outdoor activity could be a plus for physical health with the beer connection meaning a charity brew collaboration with a local brewery OR he gets fucking gored by a boar because he is too drunk to deal with it properly like Bobby Baratheon. Uh oh folks big old red flag here, “redrawn he bust”. Are the spirits saying they have taken a second look at Andrews and decided that he will be a bust? Even if he is a bust Andrews will at least be confident in his abilities, “nth dub swearer”. Andrews will swear again and again and again that a win is on the horizon. Perhaps Andrews should have taken up baseball because the spirits are quite clear that he is “a shrewd bunter”.

Ryu Jones
The spirits think that Jones will have a long career in the SHL, “journeys”. No to be clear they are not saying that it will be a positive career necessarily, just that it will be a journey. Jones also seems to boast a dog like schnoz, “nose jury”. He could be the final say in a locker room as to whether something truly smells nasty or not. Teams beware that Jones may have an addiction. An addiction to pokemon, “nurse joy”. I’ve seen pokemon chew people and spit them up. This is serious business.

Harry Walker
“Hark! Real wry” Walker is going to be a cut up in the locker room but that wry humor could possibly cause some anger in the room. Walker looks to be a bit of a survivalist in his eating habits, “Harry raw elk”. Eating raw elk will surely lead to some negative consequences at some point in his future the spirits themselves even question this, “lark why rare?”. But Walker is going to be a battler on the ice, “hark rely war”. He is going to need to channel that war energy to be truly effective on the ice.

Jöörgüštrâäd DuBølk
Though my powers may be great and frightening they are not all powerful. I only have access to English speaking anagram spirits so this name straight fucked my shit up. I replaced all those European letters with good ole fashion made in the USA ones. JD looks to be a whizz when it comes to the weight room, “bulk adjustor or a god”. The spirits believe that he will persevere with the intensity of large cats even in dire situations, “jaguar looks trod. Dub.” Even in the tail end of his career the spirits believe that he will be in incredible shape, “jaguar dusk do toro lb”. He’s going to be dodging those pounds like a matador.

James Boxman II
James could be looking at a future with lots of problems with the SHL’s disciplinary office, “Jimmies a ban ox”. Oxen of course are capable of carrying or dragging huge weights which says to me he is going to be dragging a laundry list of problems. On the lighter side, Boxman looks to be a big fan of bluegrass music, “I mix me a banjos”. Unfortunately, in the end I think that the spirits are saying that Boxman will bring a curse upon whichever team selects him, “I am so jinx beam”. He will be the support on which jinx grows.

Juan Hunna-Pussent
JHP looks to have unfinished business with the Catholic church which could hinder his progression, “an unjust nun heaps”. This nun, whoever she may be, seems to hold aggression towards JHP for a trip to the primate exhibit at the zoo, “nun shuns ape jaunt”. An ever nagging past could be a headache for player and organization alike. However this doesn’t look to speak ill of JHP just his past. If a team were able to silence this nun quickly, JHP should develop nicely.

Anchorage Armada (ad a changer aroma)

TURG TURG
Turg Turg, the man so nice they named him twice. The spirits see nothing. He holds the future in his own hands. No advice to be found here.

Igor Victory
Victory is going to bring back the days of old time hockey, “I gory victor”. Days of wild elbows and blood stained ice will once again reign supreme with Victory in the league. He will work himself to the bone for the team as well, “I cry to vigor”. Igor is going to be putting his body on the line every damn day and it is only going to drive him to strive harder the next. He could possibly get into some personal trouble thanks to his post victory celebrations, “I victory. Orgy”. This one all depends on how open minded the front office can be but I imagine the newspapers will have a field day with it.

Kōjō Murata
The first thing that the spirits say to me is, “a kraut mojo”. What the hell does that mean? Is he German-like or like the food? If it is the food how is one like kraut? Maybe he’ll kind of stink but in a good way and some people will hate him but others will love him. A divisive player possibly. Murata could get into trouble swinging his stick around with no regard for the players around him, “jam oak tour”. He will be touring around the league jamming his oak wherever he can. He may run into some disciplinary issues or end up being run by every guy in the league.

Sven Gunnar
We may want to look into the past of Gunnar. The spirits seem to believe he has some dark past with a gang of some sort, “van gunners”. Was he dropping bodies? Oh my god. The nuns are back, “graven nuns”. Does Gunnar have a past connection to JHP? Big time buyer beware.

Theo Kondos
I think that Kondos has a history of sling dirt in the locker room or around the leagues that he has played in, “honked soot”. That doesn’t like something you would want in the room while you’re trying to win the cup. Kondos’ girlfriend could have a problem with the team that selects him because the spirits are saying, “ho no stoked”. She may be dreaming of that LA lifestyle and will cause problems ending up somewhere else. I think that Kondos may let his affection for his lady get in the way of his progress, “ho onto desk”. That lady on the desk is getting in the way of my man’s education. She will surely get in the way of his progression as well.

Taylor Gervais
Gervais will follow the “voyagers trail” but will that be “lit or savagery”? TG will have a long road ahead of them but how they will fare that road is unclear. Gervais looks to be more of a lone wolf than a huge locker room guy, “grave solitary”. He could also bring the players around him down, “a loser gravity”. Damn, the spirits really don’t like this guy, “I roast gravely”. He could be a locker room cancer. Oh no. They keep piling it on. Gervais could have a serious addiction, “vial or gyrates”. If he is already at the point of getting the shakes without his fix he may not be long for this world. Gervais may find some success in the IIHF, “a silvery gator”. Maybe he is bound for some silver medals in the future?

Carolina Kraken (oral in a knacker)

Vincent Wolfe
Another damn kid is dealing with nuns! “I flew convent”, someone really needs to investigate whatever nuns are doing with the youth of our league. It seems, fittingly, that Wolfe has an attachment to wildlife but disturbingly it could be related to the dark arts, “clove fin newt” sounds like some ingredients to a spell or something. Was Wolfe a part of a convent because they were trying to beat the devil out of him, “lift new coven”? If we are going just by sounds it seems like the spirits believe Wolfe, down to his very blood, is corrupted, “vein fowl cent”. Draft only if you want to risk goats being sacrificed in your locker room or some shit.

Moritz Müller
Moritz Müller seems to be a bit of a momma’s boy according to the spirits, “mum zit roller”. He may be too focused on his mom and it might affect his focus in the lock room and his career as a whole. Outside of his mom he is going to be focused solely on his money and not the team’s well being, “mull ritz more”. If he can prove he has the skills it shouldn’t prove too bothersome but it could cause some salary cap problems down the line. After his mom and money looks like he will be very concerned about how well he does or doesn’t do with the ladies, “mull zero trim”. If he has a long dry spell personally it could take what little focus he has left off the game.

Conner Hutton
HOLY SHIT! ANOTHER NUN GUY! Hutton was in the “nun trench too”. But it seems that Hutton was on the side of the sisters rather than that of the sinners, “nun net cohort”. Even though he was apparently aiding the nuns he did not come out totally unscathed, “nut no no retch”. It looks like this insidious convent of nuns has stunted poor Hutton’s sexual development and traumatized him to the point of feeling sick when sexual thoughts pass through his mind. He may prove to be undersized at the SHL level, “one notch runt”. Finally, he may be a player that lies to his teammates and management, “truth con none”. He will speak the truth with no one.

Axel Foley
I think that the spirits predict that Foley will be the player to truly follow through on the direction of the captains or coaching staff, “axe of yell”. Foley could be bringing some baggage into the draft or perhaps it is future baggage, “ex ally foe”. Either Foley has been betrayed by someone or it will happen with whatever team decides to draft him. It could possibly be a former lover since he may “yell of a ex”. Teams may want to be a deep dive into him personal life before drafting.

Zelma Zuntnere
Zelma Zuntnere may be a rather large jabber jaw, “en rent a muzzle”. I don't know if this will get on the nerves of their team or the opposition though. They may also be a bit of a defensive phenomenon thought with, “muzzle near net”. Double Z may be shutting things down out front. HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE..,NUNS! RUSSIAN NUNS! “Tzar zee nun elm”. This is the most cryptic of the nun messages so far. Sadly my powers are not powerful enough to decipher its true meaning but seriously what are these nuns doing with our youth?

Blunt Man
Obviously my man smokes but why does he smoke? What trauma is he suppressing? We know the answer: NUNS! “Nun lb mat”. Was Blunt formerly known as Mat. Was he beaten by these Russian nun that are apparently built like elms? Check this man for scars, mental and physical.

Colorado Raptors (doctors roar opal)

Juni Panda
Panda is another player that has no anagrammed future. They float in the ether free from the spying eyes of the spirits. May you fare well young Panda!

Mertin Broduer
The spirits are saying that Brodeur’s mother was some sort of seamstress and that he was her smallest child, “embroider runt”. He may be a bit of a turtle on the ice, “timbered or run”. Either he will get dropped like a log or just flat out retreat from a fight. MB may be a drinker, “berried rum ton”. He may be throwing back daiquiris like water any chance he gets. The ponies may be another vice of young MB, “number to rider”. Someone may be coming to collect and take a knee or two if things get bad. It may even get to the point of having a pseudonym around town, “burner metro id”. Yikes.

Lord Raiden
Raiden may not look like the most in shape guy (god?) on the ice but the spirits assure me that he is “ironed lard”. I’m sure he is just cultivating mass but he apparently loves McDonald’s because he, “ride Ronald”. He may also be a bit much for the vets in the locker room, “drain older”. He will make his fair share of mistakes but he will also be a person that many look up to, “idol and err”.

Guðmundur Kristjánsson
Guðmundur Kristjánsson apparently feels bad for recovering alcoholics, “mourns adjusting drunks”. Is he a bottle jockey that hasn’t admitted he has a problem like those he used to hang around with? What could drive a young man to the bottom of bottle? YOU KNOW IT IS BECAUSE OF THESE GOD DAMN NUNS THAT ARE FUCKNG EVERYWHERE, “king nun drums adjustors”. Oh god they are beating people who are coming to term with their vices! No wonder GK mourns them. Man this season of anagrams is really dark.

Jed Mosley Jr
The second of his name, Jed Mosley Jr walks without the spirits. If he is like his father he will fit well into whichever team drafts him, “Joey melds”. But will he follow in his father’s footsteps? Nobody knows!

Terrence "Big Terry" Smith
Big Terry is going to earn his moniker when he comes in and makes the locker room a more closely group of people, “better chemistry ringer”. It looks like Smith is a simple man, “chemistry beer grit rent”. He is going to come in, bring the team together with his grit, grab some brews and get paid. He may get into some lady trouble, “tit err emergency births”. He could have some surprises coming from his journeys around the SHL. Things could get even wilder, “berrying meth erect stir”. I may want to party with Smith.

Ryan Rieley
Ryan Rieley looks to be quite a twisted story teller, “yarn eerily”. He could be a difficult man to negotiate with “yearly rein”. He may be looking for short big pay days rather than a long term team friendly deal. He may be another young man with a drinking problem, “in rye early” and “i rely an rye”. Get him some help and he could work out.

Asclepius Perseus Flitterwind
Asclepius Perseus Flitterwind looks to apparently come into the SHL and clean up whatever locker room he is a part of, “I piled wastefulness scripture”. Him ratting to the coaches could cause some issues among him and his teammates. He may be so focused on trying to make the room as efficient as possible that his won’t even listen to the coaching staff, “I rip wastefulness dip lectures”. He may ended up causing more problems than he solves.

Mack Daddy
Mack Daddy is just that; a mack daddy according to the spirits. Keep slaying it, king.

Detroit Falcons (cornfield toast)

Sammy Blaze
The spirits are apparently dropping a hip hop track with how this reading starts. “My ma blazes” “my lb amazes”. Blaze could have a bit of a rough home life with his mom openly using drugs and it may affect his conditioning with his pounds amazing those around him. He may also use so many illicit substances that even the team doctors will be confused by it all, “my labs maze”.

Zakkira Diporov
Zakkira Diporov, the spirits think, will be a help to his fellow rookies and those in the future, “viz park rook aid”. Perhaps Viz Park is a hint about where he will end up. He may rely on the sauce though to keep him so chipper with the young ones, “a vodka zip or irk”. He may lose his rosy disposition without the hooch. No matter what he will not tolerate any showboat youngins coming into his locker room, “diva rook irk zap”.

Biggs Secksy
All the spirits tell me is of a food allergy, “sicks by eggs”. Stay away from the eggs and the sky's the limit. Maybe.

James Kimanje
James Kimanje is possibly a musician, “I keen jam jams”. Will his love of music divert his focus from the SHL? The spirits think that it might, “jam jam ekes in”. Those precious tunes may drive him out the gym and onto the stage.

Kolja Kekkonen
Kolja Kekkonen walks unfettered. May you stay in the light.

Kelowna Knights (shaking elk town)

Fleetway Super Sonic
Fleetway Super Sonic is looking to jump into this league and eat it up,”eat icy powerfulness”. The skill jump between the J and the SHL will fuel him. He may not be the toughest guy out there but the spirits think he will achieve the ultimate goal in his career, “floweriness yet a cup”. He will be in person for some serious drama in the locker room though, “eyewitness foul crap”. Something seriously rotten is going to happen in his locker room to be. The spirits warn that FSS “pees a sunflower city” whatever the hell that is supposed to mean.

Cam Nosreh
The spirits believe that Cam will end up as some kind of sacrificial lamb seeing that he is the “chosen ram”. He may not be the best driver which could be a concern in regards to his long term health, “harm cones”. He could end up being kind of culty and end up in the news for his treatment of his female followers, “cons harem”. The spirits think he could be a bit of a snitch too, “narc homes”. If somebody has that good sticky icky he may be fast to drop the dime. He might also refuse to train, “no marches”.

Teddy Park
The spirits are telling me that wherever Teddy Park ends up he will become known for an ad campaign for umbrellas, “kept dry ad”. He may get into some trouble for writing some disturbing things on the internet, “typed dark”. But he may be a big Star Trek fan if he is of Irish heritage, “Paddy Trek”.

James Hagan
Hagan may have some rather unusual sexual preferences, “am shag jeans”. No judgement from me or the spirits though. You do you my dude. He may prefer to be drafted by a team on the coast, “hang sea jam”. He just wants to chill on the beach and jam out. Who could blame him, right?

Stan Q. Next
Enjoy an anagramless existence, Stan Q. Next. I hope you enjoy your journey into the unknown.

Peter Ramsey
Ramsey could end up being the best in his draft class according to the spirits, “peer mastery”. He could be the player that fans and front offices alike are dreaming of, “meet prayers”. Regardless of his performance I read that he will not let it affect his confidence, “esteem parry”. He will not let success go to his head or defeat drag him down. However he will let the world know when is is upset about something, “temper sayer”.

Chris Goodname
Chris Goodname may be a bit of an oddball believing in “dog monarchies”. Due to his zany beliefs he may pose problems in a well oiled machine of a team since he is a “cog admonisher”. This may lead to him planning some kind of takeover in the the locker room. After all he has a “scheming odor” to the spirits. Goodname will be a partier as well with his “hedonism cargo”. His life of excess may cut his career short.

Maine Timber (amber in time)

Nathan Thomas
If anyone was worried about Thomas having respiratory issues worry no more, “than no asthma”. I guess the spirits have some medical degrees floating around. Nathan Thomas may be getting his daily protein from a rather unusual source though, “am nosh ant hat”. I have heard that we will all be eating insects in the future if we want to keep the earth from dying so maybe he is just ahead of the curve on that one.

Hennesey-Gallchobhar O'McGuiness
HGO supposedly has some political connections with the pork industry, “benches huge ham congressionally”. Everything that the spirits are telling me involves HGO doing something congressionally. It could be a sign that he will be summoned for some sort of federal investigation. It could be SHL related. It is unclear. Maybe HGO is juicing. HGO is awfully close to HGH.

Jesse Seppänen
I am getting that Jesse Seppänen may have been homeless at one point in their life, “seen jeeps naps”. The spirits also say that just by looking at his pants you can see the vitality that he has, waiting to hit the ice, “jeans sense pep”. A rough patch in their life may have better prepared Jesse Seppänen for what it takes to play in the SHL.

Walton Stromberg
The spirits seem to think that Walton Stromberg will face a career being on struggling teams, “bottom wranglers”. He will also face some unfortunate upper body training injuries if he is not careful, “lb to arm wrongest”. He could push himself too much and damage himself. A more sinister future could await Stromborg, “mob grant trowels”. Is he going to turn to the mafia to build something or is he going to be buried by the mafia for some offense? Only time will tell!

Victor Ball
Quarantine warning on Ball, “viral cot lb”. He may be forced into bed rest during quarantine and put on some lbs because of it. Team’s may want to wait two weeks before drafting him.

Alex Marshall
Alex Marshall is going to come into the SGL and bring peace to some long suffering fans who will in unison unclench their butt cheeks, “relax all hams”. On the flip side he could be causing other fans to clench up tight since he may be causing quite a few injuries during his tenure, “harm all axles”. I take that as this man is going to be breaking knees all over the place. He may also have trouble waking up for team meetings because he, “hex all alarms”. He will tear down the entire SHL. He will ride in on a pale horse and destroy it. He “shall ax realm”.

Adrik Baranov
Adrik Baranov should be on the lookout for Phil Kessel because the spirits think he is a bit of a hot dog, “a rink bravado”. He is also going to set up some sort of distillery in his country home, “barn air vodka”. Apparently his love of vodka runs deep, “I ran vodka bar”. He is going to be a fan of the leaf as well, “dank air bravo”. The spirits tell me that he will be arrogant and will probably stay on his farm distilling alcohol, growing veggies and playing guitar which will make him more trouble than it is worth, “vain okra bard”.

William Reynolds
Young Bill will be “similarly lewd on” possibly many topics. It could get him into trouble with many younger fans. You may want to keep him out of the desert. That seems to be where he will get into the most trouble without feeling bad about it, “mellowly sin arid”. He may also be rather lethargic, “mine all drowsily”. The spirits want Reynolds to get checked out because “syndrome will ail”. Teams may want him to get a full work up at a world class facility before taking a chance in the draft.

Jax Gracie
Grace has some unusual and dangerous pregame rituals it seems, “axe jig arc”. Teammates will surely want to give him a wide berth so they don’t get caught in the dangerous dance.

Keisuke Suzuki
Another warrior that walks alone, free of spirits. Fare well.

Alexander Oscarsson
Straight off the bat Alexander Oscarsson may need some mental help since he seems to think his “sons a relaxed acorns”. But they do assure me that his hindquarters have never been injured, “relaxed no scar on ass”. I don’t know why they feel they need to tell me that but they are putting it out there. Everything the spirits are saying involves relaxed so I think it is safe to say that drafting Alexander Oscarsson is of little risk.

Rikard Bjerg
Well on the opposite end of the spectrum is Rikard Bjerg. Everything that the spirits say involves him being a jerk. They are saying he is a “jerk rag bird” whatever that means. Draft at your risk.

Newfoundland Berserkers (needleworker funds barns)

Lassi Suhonen
Oh lord. We have the antichrist coming to the SHL, “as unholiness” and “is son unleash”. It looks like the devil is a hockey fan and raised his child to play. To make things worse he is one of those eaters, “I nosh sensual”. Nobody wants to eat around that, bud. Some good news though because “also sunshine”. That should make up for the whole antichrist thing.

Júnior Guarda
Júnior Guarda will be “a junior guard” in the SHL so be on the lookout for their defensive game to blossom in the coming seasons. He will be a beast and absolutely destroy the opposition according to the anagram spirits, “jaguar do ruin”. His off the ice combat training will probably come into play, “a judo rag ruin”. He could be flipping guys and cracking arms left and right. He may be a bit of a hoarder though so beware of his mental health, “rid no jug aura”. He may also be a gun nut and will be looking to this team mates to support his causes, “aid our gun jar”.

Liam Slate
Slate is looking to be the next coming of Malkin with “am tallies”. Unfortunately it looks like he will be a flopper out there which I think is an embarrassment. The spirits say he will flop “as a millet”. He will be making up excuses for why he missed team meetings such as, “mails late”. He may also have an unfathomable love of tequila because the spirits are saying in his contract negotiations he will ask for “a salt lime”.

St. Louis Scarecrows (crosswise solar cut)

Brandt Underton
The spirits are telling me that Underton will have an odd obsession with objects used to fasten clothes. They call him a “darn button nerd”. He will lead a rebellion against terribly run teams, “trod rant unbend”. Rise up!

Leonids Balzams
Leonids Balzams is going to have a potential motivation issue “laziness mob lad”. He could infect the locker room and form a laziness mob. He will also be known around the league for his “sizable almonds”. He is also a man that partakes in the marajuanical arts, “blazed mans oils”. He might be getting too ripped to be able to give it his all on the ice.

Cody Spinka
The spirits don’t seem keen on Spinka. They seem to believe he is a “panicky sod” adding “and so picky”. He made be hard to pleaser in contract negotiations and with panic at the first sign of hardship in the SHL. I believe that Spinka will use his first big pay day on some type of penthouse, “sky pad coin”. Sadly he could end up in some serious trouble with the law because of his “coy kidnaps”.

Nicolae Antonescu
Nicolae Antonescu has some skin issues because the spirits are telling me of his “aloe continuances”. Luckily NA is not an anti-vaxxer, “one can inoculates”. At least that is one headache that teams won’t need to worry about in this post covid world. He will be passing some serious gas though which may bother some team mates, “a colon enunciates”. He seem to be primed for a fruitful career, gas aside, “one aces continual”.

Pavel Kharlamov
Pavel’s love of accordion filled music and video games may lead him down a dark road, “polka valve harm”. He may also be into some blood sucking fetish with animals, “elk larva vamp ho”. That is weird enough that it would cause divides in even the most accepting of rooms. I guess just stay on his good side and don’t be an elk and you should be fine.

Juli Schneider
When the spirits were looking at Juli Schneider their tools were broken by whatever they saw, “injured chisel”. Schneider apparently “held in juicers” which could mean that they are a fitness freak constantly on juice cleanses. They may also not be the best parent to their eventual child, “I jeer sun child.” Definitely scope Juli Schneider out very carefully before drafting.

Young Logo
The spirits think you should get away from Young Logo as soon as possible, “go guy loon”. He is a mad man apparently. They don’t seem to think he will get better any time either, “you go long”. Draft at your own peril.

Colin Lambert
Colin Lambert will soar to the top of the league like an eagle, “climber talon”. He will be one of the more agile players coming into the SHL seeing as he is “a nimbler colt”. Off the ice he may be an accomplished alchemist, “cobalt merlin”. He looks to be in the discussion for major awards almost the entirety of his career, “ballot mincer”. The only thing that could stop him, like kryptonite to Superman, is some pork belly, “bacon term ill”.

Vancouver Whalers (walrus cover haven)

Ryan Anthony
Young Ryan Anthony may be a lothario of sorts, “any tan horny”. He may also be looking to stay with a Canadian team in the SHL, “any north any”. Regardless of desires and wherever he ends up Ryan Anthony will stand up for teammates and do the right thing, “ha no tyranny”.

Kyle Izzy
Kyle Izzy rides alone on the long SHL road.

Lonnie O'Donoghue
We look to have another deviant but Lonnie may have had their fill, “enough oiled no no”. Maybe with their SHL career coming they will be more focused on the ice. Lonnie O'Donoghue may be interested in the occult as well since the spirits tell me, “one ghoul die noon”. They are also telling me of one of Lonnie’s turn offs, “eel on no no I dough.” He does not fuck with water serpents apparently.

Bud Light Lime Bud Light Lime
Bud Light Lime Bud Light Lime is going to be obsessed with being popular in the SHL, “limelight bud limelight bud”. Even with praise though he will still not get too arrogant, “I limelight gild but humbled”.

Daniil Nikiforov
The spirits say that Daniil Nikiforov will have fish and trees of only the top pedigrees, “no invalid koi fir”. DN is apparently an accomplished musician but when they drink they lose their nimble fingers, “I violin drink oaf”. Despite losing his musical prowess DN seems to believe that alcohol gives him a boon in the bedroom, “in vodka I loin fir”. Like a big ole tree I guess.

Domenic Alessandrini
Domenic Alessandrini is apparently the leader of an absurd mafia, “disclaimers inane don”. His zany ideas aside when he is on the ice he will be a transformative player, “dimensional near disc. He will be playing 5d chess out there when he is near the puck.

Wile Coyote
Wile Coyote is going to enjoy watching bovine work in the fields, “eye cow toil”. He also supports Kanye West’s bid for the presidency, “Ye cool we it”. That alone could be enough to hurt his draft chances.

Jason Desrouleaux
JD here may have serious issues with the local publications where he ends up, “journals sue axe do”. He could be mad man about less than flattering coverage and end up in a legal battle when he takes things into his own hands. Oh it looks like JD may have a dark past as well, “so jealous axed run”. Check this man’s basement for body parts.

Johnny Shuffleboard
The spirits look to be keen on Johnny Shuffleboard, “shy fun jobholder fan” He is going to be a clean nosed fan favorite. He looks to also have a good sense of humor, “lab fjords oh he funny”. The spirits seem to have nothing but good things to say and really want to emphasize how much of a good time Johnny Shuffleboard is, “herd banjos fly oh fun”.

Devin Basher
With the final player eligible for the draft the spirits are telling me that he is a divine avian, “heavens bird”. Perhaps that is a hint of where he will end up? A team with a bird logo? Will he be their angel? They seem to think that he is a kind of player that is disappearing from the game, “breed vanish”. Basher also looks to be helping out the bee population which is much appreciated by the entire world, “bred an hives”. Save the bees everybody. Finally teams shouldn’t have to worry about Basher staying sober since apparently, “herb vein sad”. He doesn’t jive with it I guess.

And now I must leave you. A draft class of this size has drained me terribly. Good luck to all the players who seek fame in the SHL and to all the teams that are gambling on these players. Until we meet again!

(5968 words. x2 draft related)

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#2

Oh hey, this thing is back :D

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#3

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Thanks to @sulovilen, @the5urreal, and @sve7en for the sigs!
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#4

07-14-2020, 01:46 AMThelastheraclid Wrote: “I victory. Orgy”.

Thanks for the new celly

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render cred: @rum_ham, @Rangerjase @Ragnar @supertardis101 @Jogurtaa @Drokeep @evilallbran @Carpy48 @enigmatic
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Armada  Forge  Finland

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#5

petition to relocate detroit to become the cornfield toast

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#6

Cheers

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First SHL goal on first SHL shot in first SHL game.

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#7

“in vodka I loin fir”. Like a big ole tree I guess.
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#8

07-14-2020, 05:37 PMDELIRIVM Wrote: “in vodka I loin fir”. Like a big ole tree I guess.
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That tree's got some big dick energy.

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#9

It's scary how accurate these are.

Andren Akerson (Present)
Adrik Baranov (S55 to S70)
Rurik Razin (S32 to S44)
Roy Razin (S17 to S32) (HOF/Rage HOF)
Audun Wissink (S5 to S15)
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