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ml002 · 07-17-2020, 01:17 PM

Gabriel Johnson is the worst SHL user currently and maybe ever. The reasons are really endless but I want to break it down for everyone to show just how incompetent and individual he is, and how he has managed to fail upwards at every chance since joining the league, which is the first story we will get into. He fell into a team that was good and has reaped the success of the ones around him, jumped ships in juniors for a few days, and so much more we can get into, but first let's talk about how he joined the league and just how this individual has found his way into our lives sadly.

If you check Gabe’s account, you’ll notice he joined on July 21st in the year of our lord 2016, but wait, that doesn’t seem right. He didn’t create a post on the site until April 13th in the year of our lord 2019, so what in the world happened here? Well see Gabe, being the most Gabe Gabe to ever Gabe, created an account in 2016, and just forgot about it. For over three years. So that sort of is the perfect start to our story, but wait it gets better. So when creating our players, I’m sure it always crosses our minds to use our real names for our player names, but almost all of us think better of it, because how lame is that? So we come up with something else, like normal people do, but not our Gabe. He powered through common sense and just kept going, like he will continue to do for the rest of our story.

So after an uneventful rookie season in Anchorage, Gabe managed to con his way to being picked 2nd overall in the S48 Draft to the Hamilton Steelhawks. Really just disappointing for them since Gabe is only 3rd in his class in TPE as of writing this. So after this, Gabe tries to copy an old build from Mdubz, since he managed to win two Agantes and get another nomination with that build, but of course, as things tend to go for Gabe, the build fails miserably and his player does like his namesake and sucks. Gabe manages to not suck too much before being called up in S50, but that’s where the real hero of our story joins us. Gabe, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, has a solid first season in the SHL, managing 25 points as a rookie defenseman, which could be enough to win a Jesster in some seasons, but Mika Kandinsky happened, destroying every era’s rookie scoring record and saving us all from the possibility of seeing Gabe in the awards list for hopefully the rest of his career.

Now let’s get into his management career, which is where the fun really begins, he joined the Canada IIHF management team in S49 as the Co-Head, and was a part of the team management until S53, took over as Head in S51. While being involved in Canada’s management team, they were led to unprecedented… mediocrity. Honestly guys we knew where this was going, under Gabe’s leadership Canada won bronze once. That’s it. From one of the superpowers in hockey, Gabe’s presence alone drove them right into the ground. With one of the deepest talent pools, this man couldn’t even manage to make the finals. Luckily he stepped down in S53, but that brings us to the next part of our story and something many of you may not know. Many of you know Gabe as Hamilton’s Co-GM, but that was not his first foray into management in S53. You see Gabe was the Vancouver Whaler’s Co-GM. “But ml, that can’t be right. No one remembers this.”, you may say. Well it really happened. Poor Dmills was in need and thought that he could use some help in running Vancouver in S53. So he got his Steelhawks buddy, Gabe Johnson, to help him out. It lasted 72 hours. I can only imagine the torture Dmills had to put up with for those 72 hours, but the pain can be seen in the Whalers still today as they are still recovering from Gabe’s incredible mismanagement. Luckily he moved on quickly, but there is no justice in this story sadly, as Gabe managed to con his way into being a SHL GM!

Disclaimer: The following story is purely conjecture and isnt the truth. Unless Hallsy confirms it in the comments.

Hallsy was looking to move on from Waters as Co in Hamilton, and naturally he looks in house, but he didn’t have a ton to work with, especially with Mills in Vancouver, but hey might as well try him. Mills, being the honorable man he is, couldn’t leave his Juniors team, but he had an idea. Take Gabe! Hallsy was confused as Gabe was just hired! But clearly he must have been so much help Mills would want to get him in charge of the SHL team. Sadly this isn’t the truth. Gabe was so destructive that Mills was looking for any way to get rid of him, and even at the expense of his possible SHL team’s success. So he did the only thing he could to save his team, and recommended Gabe. Hallsy, not knowing of the Gabe Effect ®, accepted happily assuming he got a helpful Co to continue the team success, but little did he know what was to come. And this is how Gabe managed to fail upwards into being a SHL GM. It's a really incredible journey to go down, and despite what people may think about karma existing or how good should triumph, I hope to shed light on how it doesn’t exist and this man, Gabriel Johnson, is the only example I need. For those that think this is all coincidence, I have one final example of how Gabe’s presence ruins things. Gabe supports Tottenham Hotspur, much like myself, but because of his ability to ruin things, the team sucks. I rest my case.

Quote:This is all in good fun. I don't actually hate Gabe. Word Count: 1007

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
[Image: MM4nqx6.png]

*jeffie43* · 07-17-2020, 01:17 PM

beauty

Nour is pretty hot ngl

***honkerrs*** · 07-17-2020, 01:18 PM

someone checkthe word count

***_Blitz_*** · 07-17-2020, 01:18 PM

No bonus for Jeffie.

*jeffie43* · 07-17-2020, 01:22 PM

07-17-2020, 01:18 PMCapt_Blitzkrieg Wrote: No bonus for Jeffie.

:(

Nour is pretty hot ngl

***Gwdjohnson*** · 07-17-2020, 01:33 PM

[Image: Screenshot_20200717-133250_Discord.jpg]

*jeffie43* · 07-17-2020, 01:34 PM

07-17-2020, 01:33 PMGwdjohnson Wrote:

fire ml

Nour is pretty hot ngl

ml002 · 07-17-2020, 01:36 PM

07-17-2020, 01:33 PMGwdjohnson Wrote:

I hadn't !

Credit to Copenhagen, Wasty, FlappyGiraffe, InciteHysteria, and caltroit_red_flames
[Image: MM4nqx6.png]

Jobin · 07-17-2020, 01:56 PM

What kind of a gigantic moron would use their real name as their player name?

***hotdog*** · 07-17-2020, 02:02 PM

07-17-2020, 01:56 PMAwesomecakes Wrote: What kind of a gigantic moron would use their real name as their player name?

@jeffie43's player name is his real name

PremierBromanov · 07-17-2020, 02:10 PM

Post of the month

*Carpy48* · 07-17-2020, 02:20 PM

Quote:but wait it gets better

I love storytime with ml Tongue

this needs to be a regular thing.

Sorry jeffie Undecided

Jobin · 07-17-2020, 02:33 PM

07-17-2020, 02:02 PMhotdog Wrote:
07-17-2020, 01:56 PMAwesomecakes Wrote: What kind of a gigantic moron would use their real name as their player name?

@jeffie43's player name is his real name

Heh, his parent's loved masturbation jokes

*jeffie43* · 07-17-2020, 02:38 PM

07-17-2020, 02:33 PMAwesomecakes Wrote:
07-17-2020, 02:02 PMhotdog Wrote: @jeffie43's player name is his real name
Heh, his parent's loved masturbation jokes

wtf

Nour is pretty hot ngl

*jeffie43* · 07-17-2020, 02:39 PM

07-17-2020, 02:02 PMhotdog Wrote:
07-17-2020, 01:56 PMAwesomecakes Wrote: What kind of a gigantic moron would use their real name as their player name?

@jeffie43's player name is his real name

doxx wtf

Nour is pretty hot ngl

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