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[FHN] Exclusive: Fitted smells and is bad
#1

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BREAKING NEWS


In an exclusive Fitted Hockey Network piece, reporters have uncovered a surly truth regarding our beloved mascot Michael Fitted: He smells and is bad. 

It was confirmed from various sources, who wished to remain anonymous, that Fitted indeed had a distinct odor and would also never break 50 points. 

"As GM, it's my solemn duty to make the best team I can make, but I may have made a mistake by making the locker room so stinky", said an anonymous source. 

"I swear to fucking god if that guy backtalks me again I'm gonna break my shaft off in his ass", said a handsome anonymous source. 

In other news, Fitted took to the streets in an effort to uncover the truth in Tampa Bay. Sources claimed he returned home after practice (couldnt even make a single pass) and no sooner had he entered his poop shack of a home had he left with microphone and bottle of Jack. The microphone was attached to nothing, but it did have the FHN logo written in paint on the side. Speaking alternately to the bottle and the microphone, Fitted interviewed the locals to uncover exactly why he smelled so bad (probably). 

"RUAGHRUAGHRUAGHRUAGHRUAGHRUAGH" (one word, grade it).

"Please leave me and my family alone", said one concerned woman. 

But Fitted's day would soon come to an end, as he was mercilessly crucified for his crimes against literature and all that is pure and holy in written language. The clouds parted, beams of holy light shone down upon fitted, burning his skin. Fitted gazed with awe into the abyss of magnificence coming from above. A savior had arrived to teach him what fer. 

"Ahhhh my chickens have finally come home to roost! I have sown the wind and now I reap the whirlwind! How could I have been so blind!" Said Fitted, melting into an even stinkier puddle. 

The faceless savior would not remain, no name given. Only justice was delivered. Justice and awe. 

It was however confirmed by Fitted's girlfriend that the spell did not last and Fitted was back to drinking and rambling untruths about his big bedicked captain. 

648 words plus a bonus for being so handsome. 

[Image: premierbromanov.gif]




Fuck the penaltys
ARGARGARHARG
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#2

Lmao this is the kind of quality content THW FHN STAFFS BRINGS

[Image: Fitted_3.png]


2x 4Star Cup Champ s49 s50

1x commissioners excellence award s 50
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#3

Sometimes fitted do be stanky doe

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Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!


Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM
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#4

Biggest surprise is Fitted having a girlfriend despite the stank. Is he dating Oscar the Grouch?

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