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budweiser · 09-14-2020, 10:12 PM

Live from Bud Weiser’s draft part hosted at Hammerstones in the Soulard neighborhood of St. Louis, Archy Schlafley was on scene to detail the debauchery.

From five blocks down the street, all Archy heard walking up to Hammerstones was “Here comes The King, here comes the big Number One! Budweiser, The King is second to none. Just say Budweiser, you've said it all. Here comes The King Of Beers, so lift your glass, let's hear the call.” At this point, Archy had an idea of what to expect; however, there was still some worry about how bad the night would be.

With the Hammerstones reaching capacity thirty minutes after doors opened, the bars shut down the street and turned it into a block party (Originally the St. Louis police denied this request). With four hours until the starting of the draft, the National Guard had already been called in to help control to potential riots and debauchery. Many expected Mardi Gras times about five.

About two hours prior to the draft starting, Archy found Agent McGurk to discuss Bud’s status and expectations. McGurk indicated he believes Bud has the skill and potential to go first round; however, his poor ending of the season and disastrous playoffs (mostly McGurks fault for making him go sober) coupled with his partying ways could hurt his draft stock. McGurk indicated Bud only talked to a few GMs prior to the draft and Bud said he was a surefire first, but McGurk followed up and heard a different story. After discussions with a few GMs and Scouts, McGurk expected Bud to go late 2nd or early 3rd round. McGurk did not express this to Bud because he was scared of any additional outbursts and riots (This is not Vancouver though).

With the draft time approaching, Archy settled into a spot out of the way with a clear line of sight and easy access to Bud Weiser. By the time the draft started, Bud has 30 beers but still somehow standing due to many fans wanting to participate in a hononary “Bud Chug” contest.

With the first overall pick, Bud was nowhere to be seen. One of his brothers indicated they thought he may be in one of the alley’s with about five females. Around the 10th pick, Bud reappeared and was very pissed off with not being off the board yet. With a lot of the crowd expecting (No one else knows why) Bud to be a top 5 pick, the intensity was increasing and several fans thought they were at a Buffalo tailgate by jumping on tables. It was turning into anarchy and the National Guard were preparing to step into. There were orgy’s in the streets, knob slobbin on staircases, snort lines on every available surface, and more beer bongs than people. ABSOULUTE BEDLAM!

As the second round approached, McGurk stepped up to the mic to try and settle down the crowd. This may be a good idea with rational fans, but this is Buds gang. Within twenty seconds, McGurk was blasted with about thirty broken beer bottles and sent to the ER. I have to wonder, is this the last we have heard of McGurk?

With more debauchery happening every second, and Bud leaving the table with another floozy about every five minutes, Bud was not too worried anymore as he was now banging super models with him being a future millionaire. By the beginning of the third round, the National Guard and St. Louis PD had arrested 500 people to try and keep some order, but it is quickly growing more out of control. Bud still does not care too much, as he is 45 beers in, already on his 5th orgy, and has had 15 single escapades (almost approaching his records).

Finally, the moment happened. The Chicago Syndicate GM steps to the stage, “With the 48th overall pick in the third round…….The Syndicate is excited to announce their next pick……..6’3 punishing Left Defenseman…. At this moment, the neighborhood is going ape shit crazy and you cannot hear “from the St. Louis Scarecrows, BUD WEISER.” If you though his final send off to being sober was a party, this does not touch it. Three of Bud’s brothers grab him from yet another orgy and carry him naked through the crowd then “The King of Beers” song still playing (6hrs later). Archy finally got to a very inebriated Bud for a few quotes. Archy asked Bud about how he feels going to Chicago? (evidently Bud did not know where he went). Bud stated, “WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK CHICAGO. FUCK THAT SECOND CLASS CITY.” “St. Louis is Bud, Bud is St. Louis and KING OF BEERS!” When asked how he truly feels about the team, Bud stated, “I don’t give a fuck where I go, Bud will still bring Budweiser and fuck Miller.” He followed that immediately by, “JUST PAY THIS MAN!”

When asking Bud about going so low to Chicago, of all places, Bud actually sobered up a bit and had some choice (can’t be printed) but eventually warmed up. At first, Bud was outwardly furious and tried to start fighting anyone who congratulated him for being picked. Any words spoken included several swears along with Bud belongs in St. Louis or any other area where Miller is scum. St. Louis and Chicago does not mix! Soon after, Archy was able to speak with Bud and informed him about several St. Louis professional athletes who won in Chicago. After Bud had time to “celebrate” and talk shit on his future city, he was contacted by Syndicate management as a congratulations. This cured Bud’s feelings. Chicago’s management wanted Bud to immediately fly up for their draft party; however, he could not legally board an airplane due to blowing what would put most people in a coma. “Bud is Beer!”

Several Scarecrows were in attendance for the party. After the night of shenanigans, several players were asked about their results. There were only three players who did not beat their off-ice scoring streak, however, almost all players were able to match their on-ice scoring for the year (it was a rough growing year for the Scarecrows). The following day, Bud said he set three Guinness Book of World Records with the amount of wheel, snipe, cellys along with beer drank. Overall, a solid night. After hearing Bud's draft night comments, McGurk (actually alive, just can't speak with slit vocal chords) provided the following message, "Bud is excited to be a part of any SHL organization, especially Chicago. Bud was more surprised with the destination as there were no talks prior to the draft. Looking at the prospect pool, Bud should be a Syndicate in a year or two with a long career. Hey Chicago What do you Say?" Bud also showed support for his agent's statement by stating he is thinking about a name change to "Goose Isle."

We will see it Bud Weiser can turn Chi Town into The King of Buds and have the city partying harder than after their Cup escapades.

DeletedAtUserRequest · 09-15-2020, 12:20 AM

+1

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teztify · 09-15-2020, 01:53 AM

This is a masterpiece

Nhamlet · 09-15-2020, 01:55 AM

Unclean is the way.

JNH · 09-15-2020, 01:59 AM

How the hell did this guy get passed 47 times?

syndicate

***Patty*** · 09-15-2020, 08:18 AM

I love this so much

rum_ham · 09-15-2020, 09:33 AM

Stud Weiser is back at it Scarecrows

budweiser · 09-15-2020, 10:42 AM

@JNH I believe Chicago even passed twice.............haha

Big Bud, trying to make a peace treaty between St. Louis and Chicago. Hated by none and loved by breweries

JNH · 09-15-2020, 11:02 AM

09-15-2020, 10:42 AMbudweiser Wrote: @JNH I believe Chicago even passed twice.............haha

Big Bud, trying to make a peace treaty between St. Louis and Chicago. Hated by none and loved by breweries

Yeah and I'm disgusted with management for it.

You're loved by breweries.

Breweries are loved by @SDCore.

You'll fit in great here.

Matteo · 09-15-2020, 12:23 PM

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