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KlusteR · 09-25-2020, 12:30 PM

Ready for grading : 2574 words

Hello SHL world!

In case some of you don't know me - hi! I'm KlusteR, my player's name is Markus Tegernako, current goalie and newly-appointed Co-GM for the Minnesota Monarchs. I've been on this site for a little over a year now, and in that time span, I met a plethora of cool people, discovered a neat hobby that I'm now taking to the "next level", and was told that Cyan is always sus af.

I've been thinking about writing an article "debunking" some theories that people might have about Minnesota, but it sounded more like a sales pitch than anything else. Then, I started wondering if those theories were even widespread, or if they emanated from a small group of people. And that's why I'm turning to the laziest form of media there could be - press conferences! (I love you Zoone, don't hate me for it <3)

You can ask me (almost) anything about myself, my player, our current (and future) situation in Minnesota, and how we plan to approach this season. I'm pretty close to being an open book - but there are some things we'd rather keep for ourselves. Wink

You can also ask me questions about the Newfoundland Berserkers, as I've been a scout for that team almost ever since I joined it last year!

Well then... Let the press conference begin! Interview

Quote:Hey Kluster, long time listener, first time caller here:

I have a very important question here: how do you get the Beeg Yoshi?

Well, you see, in order to approach a wild Beeg Yoshi in its natural habitat, you must first make your way towards the nearest Lounge. It is then that you will choose which Beeg Yoshi to try and adopt as your own. You must (and this is very important) approach the Beeg Yoshi carefully (lest you frighten them), presenting a cookie forward. If you can hear "LET'S GO!", you know you were successful in acquiring your very own Beeg Yoshi.

Quote:Hallo what's your favorite goalie gear setup! Name a current favorite and an all-timer

When I was just getting started, my father Chrigel set me up with old CCM equipment, including one of those full-cage helmets (think Dominic Hasek or Arturs Irbe). As I grew older, CCM stayed with me, and I have a player sponsorship in place with them, but I decided to encourage a local company for my skates - they're supplied by GRAF, based in Kreuzlingen, Switzerland.

I'm guessing you mean goalies who I look up to? Well, for actives, of course I look up to my "big brother" on the Swiss team, Tibuk Soonika, in Chicago. I think they're poised to have quite a season, so I can't wait to watch him from afar. As far as an all-time favorite, it's tough not to look at John McBride and aim for all of his numbers. He's had such a deep impact on the SHL that players still define him as the "gold standard" when it comes to goaltenders. He's an absolute legend, with whom I've had the honor to speak to a few times at the Awards Ceremonies around the league, and I hope I can one day receive the trophy that wields his name.

Quote:What are you going to do to personalize your helmet for this season?

With a new team name, comes a new helmet! There were a couple of designs I was thinking of, but in the end, I decided to pay homage to American culture, and the state of Minnesota. My helmet will keep the forest green as a background, but the back of the helmet will be purple, and have a picture of Prince on it. On the sides, I will put the crown that is a part of our logo, and on the lower part, underneath the grid, will be my nickname, "Tege".

Quote:Who do you thank more for your career, your mom or your dad?

In all honesty, I received my hockey knowledge from my dad, but my work ethic from my mom! [b]*laughter* Both were very supportive of me, but kept me involved in my academical life, my father being a teacher at the University of Bern back when we were in Switzerland. Now, my father has taken over as a scout in Lethbridge / Newfoundland, so my whole family is in North America save for my sister. It's been very fun to still be able to keep in touch with them, even on another continent!

Quote:If you had ultimate authority over the home goal horn, what would the sound be?

I'm more of a "hard rock" and "metal" kind of guy, so with the new team name, I'd love to hear Hail To The King by Avenged Sevenfold when we score! I was told we voted for another goal horn though, so stay tuned!

Quote:What is a new LR tradition you plan to start to keep the team fresh?

Something my father started doing in the Newfoundland organization, is to hold an awards ceremony for the players on the team - to showcase the best elements on and off the ice. It's a great way to get people excited about the team, helps build camaraderie between players, and I hope to bring it into the Minnesota organization as well.

Quote:What SHL user would you tap to be the person inside the mascot?

I don't know if it's a suitable (heh, see what I did there) answer, but when you mention "mascot", I picture the "Stormy sliding on the ice" avatar of ztevans. So I guess I'd have to say - him!

Quote:2) what's the floor for your team?

Since I already answered the first question (same method of acquisition for the Beeg Yoshi), I'll answer this one right away. If I'm being 100% honest, the floor of this team is the 8th position in the Western Conference, and another season below 100 Goals For. I can't see us going down to the levels of the Pride, but the battle for 3rd position in the Northwest division will be grueling, and Seattle will be a tough opponent out of the gate, as will be the Jets with one more season for their young core. However, the way the team has been working out in training camp, I think some eyes will be opened about the quality of the roster we have, and how this team can grow in the future. We're closer to the playoffs than you may be led to believe at first glance.

Quote:1. Biggest plans for Tege careerwise?

Outlasting and out-performing Robert Andersson, hopefully bringing back a Challenge Cup to Minneapolis before I close the books on my SHL career.

Quote:2. What is your favorite pizza topping combination?

Assuming tomato sauce and cheese are a constant, I'd go with bacon, green peppers and onions, with cayenne peppers on top of the cheese before putting it in the over, for that extra kick of flavor.

Quote:4. What kind of moron would hire you as their Co-GM?

Probably the same kind of moron that has the best defensive forward in the league but never wins a Dar...

Quote:5. Was it you that betrayed me to Evok?

Nope, and I have all of my PM convos with her ready to go to prove you I'm innocent.

Quote:6. Am I better than Corey?

Depends on what front. Being a slightly above average to large papa? Absolutely. Drunk yelling at me that I'm OTB for forgetting scouting? Not really, no.
(ily Corey don't get mad oh no NOT THE BELT)

Quote:7. What's your opinion on the J versus the SHL experience?

The Juniors are always a wild ride, and I love it for that exact reason! Teams fluctuate so fast that it seems there's always new contenders every season. It's a lot of fun to watch, also from a scout perspective, seeing how users improve over their first few seasons of activity in the league. The SHL is a league with a little less variance, although the expansion this season has blown wide open the gates of the Western Conference. So we'll have to see how it goes, but we could have some very interesting sims late in the season!

Quote:8. If a train carrying 18 tons of poutine leaves from Montreal Canada traveling at 169 kmph and another leaves from Dallas Texas carrying 10 tons of briscuit and traveling at 209 kmph; how long until I they both arrive at a delicious dinner near me?

Look, in order to reach terminal velocity, a train has to flap his wings 43 times a minute, right?... wait, is it an African or European train? Also, is it unladened?

Quote:9. What's the best change you have seen in the SHL since joining?

Getting rid of the PGS. I had so much trouble getting it graded back in my first season in the league, that I can only be happy about its replacement, the Deep Dives. I think it allows a much better outlook on the league for newer users, and is a really interesting way of framing the PT.

Quote:10. I skipped question #3, does that bother you?

Immensely. My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.

Quote:So, when are you going to regress your own player?

After Season 59. Until then, you have the right to disregard anything I say or do, since I'm not a real GM yet, and those are just the cold, hard facts.

Quote:I’m starting with the hard-hitting stuff because I gotta know:
Is the Minnesota LR dead?

Alright bloos, thank you for that question. It's something that I've heard a lot about our franchise - how it's dead in the water, nothing really happens there, etc. Well, the fact of the matter is - yes, it was not very active for a while. We started our rebuild, had just been dealing with the back-to-back blows of the Daco tampering punishment, and the McZ trade (and everything that happened in the fallout of said trade, leading up to his departure from the locker room), and we were losing feathers fast (pun intended, RIP Chiefs.) Our line-up consisted of mostly IAs by the end of Season 53, and we couldn't even reap the benefits of tanking. And not only that, but when we traded for high-value IAs, they found a way to retire and recreate in our face... It was uncanny.

While it may not rival other, more established locker rooms, I can tell you that Gibby and I have been working tirelessly on making this locker room rise back to its original form. We've drafted some good LR presence lately, and our alumni chat is starting to light up more often than it did a few seasons ago. I think it was BadWolf that qualified it as "the hidden corner of the SHL" - whereas it's quick to forget, but there are a lot of cool people that played with Minnesota throughout the 50 seasons of franchise existence. Slowly but surely, we're getting back to our original form, and I can't wait to see our LR interact once our prospects start making their way into the line-up and grow together.

Quote:What recent draft pick/trade acquisition is the most important/integral?

It's tough to say, because both of our high-profile acquisitions are just as important, for different reasons. We wanted Mika Mayfield back the moment we learned she was OTB in New Orleans, simply for the fact that she's an old teammate of the remainder of the "older" core in Minnesota, and she's a fantastic locker room presence, always jovial, and meshes very well with everyone in our system and in our alumni.

But when we have the occasion to draft a user of the caliber of Leafs4ever at 3rd overall, you say "Thank you, sir", and run away giggling and making out like a bandit. Rock Strongo will be an integral part of the Monarchs for several seasons, and we're watching his growth in the Colorado Raptors line-up with a lot of excitement. With him and fever in Minnesota, that's a lot of Hall of Fame players in the same place, and we love to see it.

Quote:Will we win gold soon?

We're edging closer each and every season... I can feel it coming very, very soon, Mitchell.

Quote:Why is Minnesota Switzerland 2.0?

It does feel that way a bit, huh? Well Segi was the original Swiss in Minnesota, and saw fit to draft me with their first selection in the S50 SHL Draft, as well as another Swiss in Daniel Bischoff, 12 picks later. Unfortunately, Bischoff went to free agency following McZ's departure from the Chiefs, but we had just drafted another great Swiss prospect in Cal Labovitch as 2nd overall - and Noah Tedla decided to join our national team at the same time. I think that since we interact a lot with newer users in the Swiss LR, that we tend to scout them a bit more thoroughly than others. It's also great to develop a team chemistry outside of the IIHF tournament, when you interact on the daily.

Quote:1. How many hot dogs?

I'm gonna say like Tig, and answer "yes." I don't have any hotdogs at home, sorry grok.

Quote:2. You are a noted metal head. What metal would you recommend to people who aren't normally into metal?

A genre of metal I've listened to a lot in my life, and would recommend for neophytes, is symphonic metal. In bands like Nightwish, Epica and Within Temptation, you will find there is a lot more emphasis on harmonies in composition, as opposed to be oriented towards the riff and rhythm as most other metal genres are. They also offer, more often than not, clean vocals (sometimes sang in an operatic voice) and a lot of strings accompanying the rest of the band, which gives it the philharmonic vibe that it portrays, hence the name of the genre. It's a very interesting blend of both the classical and contemporary approaches to music, and I really enjoy it.

Quote:3. How concerned are you that Minnesota's defense still isn't very strong. Do you think that will make your chances of getting a best goalie nom?

Fairly concerned. It's true that we've unfortunately struck out in free agency to address this dire need. We want to build a bridge between Segi and the rest of our defensemen, and we were unable to attract the player that could have been that bridge - but we understand and respect his decision to sign for a contender in Buffalo, rather than trying to elevate a rough D corps back to acceptability. However, we have some very good defensive prospects coming up in our system, a few of them already helping in our senior team - Jack Klompus, Slimey Snail and Tinke Jutila will all be important pieces to our future, and we're of course keeping our eye out to the coming draft.

Quote:4. It's awhile until you'll consider recreating--have you given any thought to what sort of player you'll make next?

I've actually made up my mind, yes! I'm looking to build a Miro Heiskanen-type of defenseman - one with such effortless skating that he's able to contribute in every facet of play. I'm still unsure which side of play I want to invest myself primarily, but I'm aiming for a Mobile Defenseman build, in FHM terms.

***yosh*** · 09-25-2020, 12:40 PM

Hey Kluster, long time listener, first time caller here:

I have a very important question here: how do you get the Beeg Yoshi?

***Patty*** · 09-25-2020, 12:47 PM

Hallo what's your favorite goalie gear setup! Name a current favorite and an all-timer

Z0REM · 09-25-2020, 02:20 PM

What are you going to do to personalize your helmet for this season?

Who do you thank more for your career, your mom or your dad?

If you had ultimate authority over the home goal horn, what would the sound be?

What is a new LR tradition you plan to start to keep the team fresh?

What SHL user would you tap to be the person inside the mascot?

[Image: seamsu_500.png?ex=66b438d3&is=66b2e753&h...96a382d50&]

Credit to Vulfzilla for the awesome render pic

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