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*Buster* · 10-13-2020, 09:37 AM

Oliver Cleary has always been a bit of a tease. He always looks to be poised for greatness but he can never quite get there. In S53, he put up 36 points, including 16 goals. From there, he kept falling lower and lower, putting up 24 points in S55. A move to Manhattan has worked out fine but he's still not hitting those levels. With that in mind, Target has approached Oliver Cleary to help make the Disappointing Returns subscription box. The Disappointing Returns box will advertise items that look like they are name brand and are priced like name brand but turn out to be the cheap department store knockoffs. You think you're getting a Gucci handbag? You're actually getting a Great Value handbag, priced at $7.99. Just like Oliver Cleary, who is signed to a 6M contract to give you the returns of a 2M defensemen, you will go crazy for items you can get in the bargain bin while you pay way over market value.

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caltroit_red_flames · 10-13-2020, 09:46 AM

Brady McIntyre was approached by Johnson and Johnson, a pharmaceutical company. Now you may or may not know this but pharmaceutical companies are the least trusted/liked industry in the entire United States so it was no surprise when they came to him with a shitty and underhanded proposition. You know how mobile games work off of the idea that finishing a level releases endorphins in your brain to get you hooked on playing the game? Well their idea was to literally add a dopamine releaser to your brain that you can only refill through their subscription service which would be called Brady McIntyre's Brain Pleaser. Brady outright scoffed at the idea and was totally disgusted with this idea of directly just paying for happiness, not to mention that having too much dopamine in your brain is directly linked with schizophrenia, but Brady's agent already signed the contract for him. He also had a dump truck of money dropped off at his house, a 2nd dump truck is schedule this evening.

Bayley · 10-13-2020, 10:01 AM

I think one subscription in which I am going to be so interested in getting due to my increased schedule and time that I need to spend on watching tape not only of Quebec City but also now of New England to get to understand more about their game and how they play, so I can make sure to fit in when I get there is that of some sort of food subscription. I really like Hello Fresh as Teylora is not the greatest cook, so getting directions and pictures are going to be highly important. I mean, what better than to give all the ingredients and tell how to cook it for a busy person? I think this would be an easy subscription to get as it tends to be decently healthy as well so I can keep up the physique that I need to be a successful player in the SHL. I think that would be my first choice in subscription to stay healthy and happy in my tummy.

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AW13 · 10-13-2020, 10:15 AM

PBE PT (AW13)

*kenvald* · 10-13-2020, 11:29 AM

The subscription service Sven would be for axes and axe accessories. This is easy to relate to for Sven as he co-ran an axe-related business back in the day. Also, his last name means "axe handle". It is a match made in heaven.

What customers can sign up for are three different tiers of subscriptions.
Bronze tier
We will send the customer a small box each month. This box will contain all or most of these items:
A mini hand hatchet(head, handle, or both).
An axe sharpening file.
A splitting wedge.
A book about axes

Silver tier
We will send the customer a medium box each month. This box will contain all or most of these items + any items listed in previous tiers:
A carving axe(head, handle, or both).
A forest axe(head, handle, or both).
An axe sharpening stone.
An axe sharpening diamond.

Gold tier
We will send the customer a large box each month. This box will contain all or most of these items + any items listed in previous tiers:
A large forest axe(head, handle, or both).
A splitting maul(head, handle, or both).
A throwing axe(head, handle, or both).

Thunfish · 10-13-2020, 11:40 AM

These days, mental health can be a major concern. Some people can feel alone and unwanted in this world and with the state of affairs on the outside world, it's quite clear that you could use a friendly hand... or several. With the Yoshimitsu McCloud's Trademarked Weekly Fun with the Lads Service, you'll be receiving a package with a regular magazine with all sorts of curious and fun tasks that you can do inside your home but they'll also come with a robotic buddy (which runs on a rather unique and creative manner of battery that you'll never really have to worry about because this is fictional, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more, say no more) and a communication service maintained by the McCloud clan so that you're never ever truly alone in the world.

Note that any misuse of the robotic buddy or the communication service may end with, and I quote, "some messed up stuff".

Frick_Nasty · 10-13-2020, 12:06 PM

Bork Lazer was asked to help with a new subscription service. The subscription service is to a monthly workout session. Essentialy it would work like a peloton bike or one of the fancy mirror things you workout to. Well Bork Lazers comes with weekly classes ran by Bork Lazer himself with various exercises that range from push ups to shadow boxing. Not only will you be working out from home, which is great for times like these with covid-19 pandemic, but also motivational as well. The whole time Bork Lazer is kicking your ass in a workout you will also be getting motivational coaching from Bork Lazer to not be such a simp in life as well. Giving out advice on how to be a big Chad like big daddy Chad Bork Lazer himself. Don't wait for love to find you go out a find a sexy ass bitch, now let's do some jab straight kick combos. That is what you can expect wen you subscribe to Bork Lazers simp squishes workout plan.

Blues · 10-13-2020, 12:25 PM

Rocco has been approached by a food retailer, who will remain unnamed, to be the face of the new Rocco Berni's Gourmet Burgers. The subscription box will be delivered to the homes of customers on a bi-weekly basis and will include AAA beef patties, Texas buns, and a host of toppings that the customer can garnish their meal with, including tomatoes, pickles, onions, and cheddar cheese. Rocco will be pictured on the front of boxes that are getting delivered to customers and will be the face of the brand. He has already been to studios several times to film some video ads and get involved in some photoshoots for print ads. The brand's ad strategy will strive to make jokes off of Rocco's name, as it will encourage customers not to "Berni" their burgers on the grill. Probably not the most effective ad strategy, but we've gotta start somewhere I suppose.

HanTheMan_ · 10-13-2020, 12:38 PM

D&D Beyond has released a new bludgeoning weapon pack available for all those your homebrew or regular campaign needs. They are working on a monthly subscription based pack to support your games. All weapon and item packs are fully integrated into D&D Beyond and can be added directly to your character sheets. D&D Beyond is kicking this subscription off with the Devin Basher Bludgeoning Bundle. With a last name like Basher, they simply could not pass up the opportunity. This pack should cover all your bludgeoning and bashing needs. It has all sorts of magical maces, clubs, hammers, war hammers, you name it. This also comes along with a new set of homebrew rules for improvised bludgeoning weapons like chairs or bar stools for your average tavern brawl from time to time. The next subscription back is the Jason Desrouleaux Bard Bundle, with a new subclass, some new magical items and again new homebrew rules to use in your own games.

Cobbenstein · 10-13-2020, 12:40 PM

On one of his morning jogs before practice, but after breakfast, Patrick Shepherd was jogging along the harbor front when he saw the harbor master waiting by the path waving. Patrick would usually stop to chat with nearly anyone in Portland during his morning jogs if they wanted to talk. He slowed down and was expecting to get asked about a blown coverage or the decision to pass during a powerplay the previous night, but the harbor master had a different idea. He proposed that the harbor in Portland was catching too many fish. The town couldnt use them all so they needed to start selling them abroad. He asked if Shepherd wanted to be the face of their new Catch of the Day daily fish delivery subscription service. Patrick asked what exactly he'd have to do and was told he just had to take some pictures and let them use his name. He accepted and the next day he took exactly 1 picture down at the harbor and said the tag line for the new subscription service, "It's Fish". The subscription service went live the next week and within 2 weeks it was discontinued. Turns out not a lot of people want a fish in a box.

***Aephino*** · 10-13-2020, 12:54 PM

Edward Williams is a BIG fan of waffles. There was even talks once about Williams starting a cooking show called Williams' Waffles. But, hockey overtook his life, and he is far too busy in Texas to be cooking all day long. However, now with Williams' Waffles, YOU can make Waffles at home in just 2 minutes!!! These 2-minute Instant Williams Waffles can turn a messy morning into a brilliant breakfast!!! You can order 5 boxes a week for just $10, where you can have waffles every single morning! You can even order the deluxe package, which comes with Edward Williams' face imprinted on the waffles! Yummy! If you have a family and need to pump out a giant breakfast before all the kids go to school, you can do it in a heartbeat! With Williams' Instant Waffles, you never have to worry about kids complaining! The waffles come fresh and taste gourmet, every single time, or your money back!!! So buy Instant Williams Waffles today!!!

*JURT* · 10-13-2020, 01:11 PM

*Otrebor13* · 10-13-2020, 01:57 PM

Theo Morgan is a big fan of food, and one food that he absolutely loves is meat. As can be seen by another PT done in this league, if Morgan was hosting a cooking show, Theo Morgan would have had a show based on protein and gaining muscle. In that case, this meat box subscription is right up his alley. Every month subscribers will receive quality cuts of meat, which can vary from beef, pork, veal, lamb, and even rarer types depending on the season.

In each subscription box will also be a recipe that would go with each cut of meat which was received in that month, to give those receiving the box some inspiration and new recipes to use when cooking these different cuts of meat. Eating meat has become a staple of Morgan's diet and wanting to share quality cuts of meat for a reasonable price is something he would like to provide his fans and subscribers.

*Carpy48* · 10-13-2020, 02:10 PM

Tired of drinking that same old, boring coffee that you buy from your local supermarket every time it's on sale? You don't buy it for the taste, you buy it because you need it and it's convenient. You drink 10 cups every morning, yet you never really wake up? Learn from the real coffeeholics and subscribe to the new Carpet Coffee Collection. Your choice of a weekly, biweekly or monthly delivery. Beans or ground. Now for a special introductory price. Subscribe for 12 months and get one month free. New brands, roasts and flavors with every delivery. No coffee is like the other; discover small brands from all over the world. Roasted only for you. Wake up every morning to a different cup of coffee, never get bored of its taste again and on top of that you'll never be able to sleep either. Just like your favorite Toronto North Stars goalie (sorry Monty). But wait - there's more! … actually no, it's really just coffee.

notoriousTRON · 10-13-2020, 02:10 PM

Rhys Pritchard is a big fan of hard cider. Its a much bigger deal in his native United Kingdom than it is in the United States and Canada. Back home, nearly every pub has a good cider on tap. Here in North America, it’s a lot harder to come by. Add to that the ciders available in the US and Canada are much too sweet. Woodchuck, Angry Orchard and even the North American version of the great British cider, Strong Bow, are all far too sweet. Rhys is seeking to change this with his a new subscription service. Ciders Inc is a new monthly service that will ship some of the most well regarded hard apple ciders and apfelweins in the world right to your doorstep. Either tell us what you like and create your own bundle, or let the team at Cider Inc create a selection that will whisk you away on a journey of fermented apple deliciousness that knows no borders. Prices start at $49.99, must be 21 or older to enjoy. Please drink responsibly.

Sig Cred: Carpy, ML, RainDelay, Donini & Geekusoid

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