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***JR95*** · 12-14-2020, 11:44 AM

Here in Baltimore we have no shortage of players who would be more than happy to participate in a battle royale. Running the games and ensuring the rules are being followed is non other than the GOD himself, mister McZ. Our first contestant brings a mixed bag of skills to the table, krashing on to the scene is Karl Krashwagon! easily the most experienced of our contestants, Krash seems to have an easy foot up on the competition. Next on the playing field is none other than the basher, LPLL! he's already showed the league what he can do physically this season, now he'll prove it in this grueling competition. Next up is none other than VK44, the kalash, the brash with a stash, here for a smash, Valentine Kalashnikov! rounding out our group of contestants is none other than head bonking, body thumping Bongo AKA Adam Friedland!

The group of contestants fight it out in a gritty and dirty battle for first and only place. in a surprising turn of events, Kalash is taken out early but no one could see by who. Then, knowing his inexperience would be the end of him, Kalash decided to try and gain an upper hand by activating the big monkey brain hack. Unfortunately for him GOD saw him and squashed him with his index finger in an instant. This quickly left it to the last 2 contestants, who found each other in an intense fistfight to the death. bongo threw some good punches but it was LPLL who landed a fatal blow first, but something was wrong. Beating Bongo should've triggered the victory but it didn't. All of a sudden, out of nowhere a vinyl record comes spinning across the battlefield and decapitates LPLL. The victory fireworks were triggered and standing in the distance was a silhouette of a young man. the record boomerangs back to his hands and we finally see the face of the victor: Young logo using Starface's record as a weapon.

TomHanks · 12-14-2020, 11:52 AM

In the context of a physical battle royale, there is simply no question as to which player comes out on top in the Tampa Bay locker room. As arrogant as it sounds, it is Jakob Hamr. Does any other player on the team have a background in MMA or any kind of fighting at all? How many are still technically the reigning heavyweight champion in a now defunct MMA league? Not many. That skill also translates to the ice. No Barracuda comes close to as many hits as Hamr. Jakob claims more than twice as many as the next closest player. In terms of pain threshold, Hamr can withstand all sorts of blows to the body, averaging just a hair under 4 blocked shots per game played. Those slapshots come in fast. Hamr also leads TBB in takeaways showing that he’s not afraid to go after what he wants, and PIMs showing that silly things like “rules” won’t get in his way. The only downside is that the other players may team up to take him out as early as possible. To that I say, Hamr grew up wrestling bears, he can handle a few skinny wingers at once.

***Rankle*** · 12-14-2020, 12:48 PM

PBE PT

Chomp Chomp Water Dog Barracuda

Scarecrow Noises Scarecrows

3lewsers · 12-14-2020, 01:02 PM

ISFL Affiliate PT

Mika_Kandinsky · 12-14-2020, 01:06 PM

A battle royale would be quite the site in the Toronto locker room considering everyone there likes each other a lot. It's hard to imagine a big brawl breaking out. Ruslan Zaporozhets would probably have a good chance at coming on top being one of the tougher guys on the team. Otherwise, the defense probably stands the best chance as we don't have too many big tough forwards. Axl Mezaros would probably be pretty good in a fight. Either way, if a fight were to break out it would probably last about 2 minutes before Harry Carpet to step into the room with a cup of coffee and just calm everyone down. At that point no will even remember what they were fighting about in the first place and things would quickly go back to normal. That is, until Scoochie comes in and all hell breaks loose again. We really are not the toughest team around.

MN_Moosey · 12-14-2020, 01:39 PM

PBE Affiliate

**leafsftw1967** · 12-14-2020, 02:00 PM

Looking at the Calgary Dragons I think the rookie core of Cale Amundsen, Mack Daddy and Mats Marner would have the best chance at winning a Battle Royale type scenario in an SHL context. The reason I say this is because these three players are the youngest on the Calgary Dragons and have experienced the least wear and tear the toll of playing in the SHL can have on you with all of the back to back games and the very condensed schedule. In addition, a lot of the league has been analyzing the Dragons as a old regressing team that is on a down ward trend. However, as a lot of the regressing players on the Dragons have showed they will not be riding off into the sunset or going down without a fight. This will make it difficult for the Dragons rookie to win the battle but at the end of the day I think their fresh legs and youthful perseverance will prevail.

Slowpoke · 12-14-2020, 02:42 PM

If we were to simply assume that a players Strength, Speed, and Agility were the primary stats for this type of event then it has a couple interesting outcomes. @puolivalmiste is by far the most dangerous player in the event, followed closely by @dankoa. The real question then becomes, are they able to catch anyone, and I don’t think they would have an issue since nobody on the Renegades is someone you would consider a “speedster.” So far, we know who the most dangerous players are, but if we add in the last stat, and assume that Agility is the measure of someone’s ability to climb, jump, and generally move quickly in close areas, then @MP7 is also a very dangerous combatant/athlete. I think this really locks in my top 3, since the rest of the roster all tends to have similar physical stats, it’s a crap shoot for how the bottom parts of the roster shake out.

Sabremike · 12-14-2020, 02:56 PM

If a Battle Royal were to take place in Anaheim it would get chaotic really fast. Despite having a strong team bond after enduring hardships the past we are a very fiery group that isn't afraid to confront someone even their own teammates. If a Battle Royal really broke out the players that probably would last the longest are Scotch, Leclerc, Hank, Flitterwind, Rose, and Donair would likely last the longest. Rose and Donair put a lot of power behind their shots so their strength can get a lot of power behind a punch and can pin someone very easily. Flitterwind is one of the fastest skaters on the ice and can sneak up and attack a player before they knew it. Scotch, hank, and Leclerc are all hardworking defensemen that work tough in the corners. They are hard players to bring down so it wouldn't be easy to get the better of them. No matter who wins the battle royal between the players I feel our GM would come around the corner and surprise the winner with a hit over the head with a stick and claim to be the ultimate winner. Anaheim unfortunately must forfeit their next game as most of the players have been hospitalized after such an exchange (good thing this is fiction!).

***KaleSalad*** · 12-14-2020, 03:49 PM

It is time for a Battle Royale in the timbers locker room! Who will come out on top of the trees as the victor? As most of the team hasn’t even experienced a fight on the ice and we have not seen a fight won this year for the team it is tough to really tell who may come out on top of this whole thing. So we will have a true test on our hands to see who comes out on top. We can narrow it down to a handful of players based on their actual physical attributes and experience fighting as well that would give them the edge over the others so let’s narrow this down to Rikard Bjerg, Jesse Seppanen, Walton Stromberg, Sean Gatez, and Nathan Thomas. These guys have been the most physical on the team as well as some of the toughest players on the ice. It should be no surprise they would be the top picks to win this battle. But in the end it would come down to two men. Bjerg and Gatez facing off for the title. And the winner is, drum roll please, Rikard Bjerg. The seasoned vet physical skills and experience in fights puts him on the top of this Battle Royale. He is a leader in the room and will fight for any one of the Timber players!

WC: 229

***JKortesi81*** · 12-14-2020, 04:08 PM

While trying to decide if I’d go with players or users for the NOLA battle royale, I realized that it didn’t matter. The winner would be the same regardless. It’s very clear that @Bonk would be victorious in this battle royale either way. Both Real Life Bonk and Lil Manius are smaller, squattier humans. Their incredibly low center of gravity means they’re damn near impossible to move, lift, or harm really. They both possess an extra layer of protective body hair that weakens any blow, but because they’ll get sweaty VERY quickly, the now wet body hair shield causes them to be unable to be held onto, or blocked properly. While we have some strong, capable people who can give him a decent run for his money, Bonk possesses the “Old Man Strength” buffer as well as the general “Old Scrapper who knows how to fight dirty” enhancement as well. He’s the perfect specimen for this type of scenario, and there’s no way that anyone in the New Orleans locker room, user OR player, could stop this pre-historic creature. (179)

FinnRhys · 12-14-2020, 04:15 PM

PBE Welfare Claim

FINN RHYS

[Image: hockey__27674.1518661372.1000.1200.jpg?c=2]

*Otrebor13* · 12-14-2020, 04:33 PM

When it comes to the Steelhawks, a battle royale would be extremely interesting. The team is full of players who could hold their own or are intelligent enough to pick smart fights. If we were to have a battle royale, however, I’d probably put my money on Bork Lazer. There would be some very good runner-ups, but I think his strength and fighting ability would definitely make it a mismatch.

First to die would be easy, I’d probably say Gabriel Johnson. Not because he wouldn’t be able to keep up, but I think everyone would pick on him first and he’d be the first to die. While Dale Miller may lack the toughness and the height needed to stay alive, he’s small and aerodynamic, he would be elusive, and I see him sticking around for some time.

Aaron Wilson would be another guy that would likely last til the final 4 on his intelligence alone. I’m sure he’d make some intricate traps and just kind of chill around, waiting for people to fall for them. We’ve got some dumb people on this team, and people would definitely fall victim to them.

I think this would make for one great live PPV event, something that a lot of people would probably tune in for.

Rancidbudgie · 12-14-2020, 04:34 PM

A battle royale amongst the St. Louis Scarecrows would be both heartbreaking and entertaining to spectate in to. While the team is close knit and would not harm each other, theoretically (or in a Spike TV Deadliest-warrior style simulation), there are many physically adept candidates for consideration. The 6 ft. 8 Greg Davies, the 280 lb Friedensreich Hundertwasser, the dominating defenseman Jean-Locke Zidane, or diminutive-but-mighty facepuncher Maribelle Octive would be likely candidates to come out on top. Not to be ruled out are 6 ft. 7 kit Kirkstone or utilitarian human Swiss Army Knife Xavier Doom, or perhaps punishing defenseman and king of Beers Bud Weiser. While skilled on the ice, players who might not physically have the height or power to their physique compared to their beefier teammates are those like Colin Lambert or Pavel Kharlamov. While indispensable on the ice, a straight-up clash might leave these two out of serious contention. I personally would put money on Greg Davies or Xavier Doom, if this were a Hunger-games style encounter.

Thank you to Ham and Sulo for the sigs!

Jepox · 12-14-2020, 06:08 PM

Should the Anchorage Armada ever have a battle royale with all of their players and staff participating, a few things would happen. First of all, general manager Gabe Johnson would be the first one eliminated simply because he is very bad and sucks a lot. On the contrary, Igor Victory would be very proficient with a knife and stand a very good chance of winning. Plus he has Victory in his name, how can he lose? Chimkin Tendy would get eaten by someone who confuses him for an actual chicken nugget once they are dazed and hungry. Bean Beanman would set up traps and body anyone who comes near to him, but ultimately TURG TURG would be the victor as despite his calm demeanor on the ice, once dropped into the arena he would enter into a prehistoric fit of rage and blindly rampage around ending anyone and anything that dares to try and stop him.

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