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LarksTongue · 02-21-2021, 11:20 PM

As many of you know Commander Shepard is a time travelling badass from the future who decided to settle down and play hockey after arriving in the 2020s. Because of this there are many luxuries today that Shepard would never have been able to enjoy. For instance there were no gas cars in his time so Shepard took a keen interest in classic cars like 60s corvettes all the way to modern hypercars like the McLaren P1. Shepard also has an interest in firearms of the modern era, especially revolvers as in his time Shepard never saw an old double action revolver. Shepard actually spent a lot of money on a nice property in Winnipeg with lots of land and open forest range. In the future on Earth there is not as much nature around and Shepard has a great appreciation for nature today. Lastly Shepard likes to take his crew to Las Vegas as Shepard loves to party and never got around to going to Las vegas in the future.

Thanks to @FlappyGiraffe and @ToeDragon84 for the making these sick sigs!

Quote: First Goal (3rd Game): Commander Shepard 1 (Nick Brain 1, Noah Gallagher 2) at 8:48

Sean · 02-21-2021, 11:21 PM

Tony Pepperoni spends all his money on meme stocks. He is holding GME until it hits the moon because he likes the stock. The nice thing is, since all his money is tied up in futile investments, he's going to need to play for many many more seasons than he should. That's going to give him a good chance of breaking some SHL records and as a result, make lots more money at SHL signings that he'll be able to invest into even more meme stocks. Right now, Pepperoni has a portfolio consisting of AMC, BB, GME, and Dogecoin.

Pepperoni's agent tries to convince him to put some money in GICs or some other safer investments but Pepperoni always withdraws his money at the last possible moment to be penalized just to piss him off. One of these days Pepperoni is going to hit it big and retire to a sunny destination in Edmonton.

EDM All-Time Leader in Goals, Assists and Points

AW13 · 02-21-2021, 11:23 PM

PBE CW PT

Briedaqueduc · 02-21-2021, 11:24 PM

Simon LeBlanc, defenseman for the Atlanta Inferno, always thought that hockey players were a bit too overpaid, and that they should give back some off the money to help the community. So, a big part of LeBlanc's paycheck ends up in charities, in Atlanta, back home in Canada and even across the world. Simon wants only just enough to live like a regular person middle-class person would live. Although this season, LeBlanc needed a bit more money to buy himself a car, his old one was very old and started to be more dangerous than anything. So, he decided to be eco-friendly and buy an all electric car. He figured he didn't really need a regular one anyways, he only uses his car to go to practice and occasionally to go get groceries. Obviously some of his money also went towards personal coaching, so that Simon can still compete even after having regressed a bit for the first time.

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***JaytheGreat*** · 02-21-2021, 11:24 PM

Jakub has built up quite bank balance before even signing his new 3 year 15 mil extension with New England. When he was drafted the New England management sent him see the team's financial planner to teach him how to invest and save the money he would be earning. Jakub saved most of his money while playing in St. Louis promising to not spend crazy amount on himself until he got called up to the SHL. He did buy his family a new house and made donations to his childhood hockey team and the area's youth hockey league. After getting called up he bought a nice house outside of Boston during the season and also bought a nice summer home in Russia off a lake near forest. Jakub does like collecting cars and playing video games so he has both new consoles, and a brand new PC build to go along with movie room in his man cave. As for cars he's got quite a collection of cars both stored in America and in Russia.

Rest In Peace Dangel

1st SHL Goal - S52 Game 1 vs Tampa 3. New England Wolfpack , Jakub Bruchevski 1 (Eko Van Otter 1, Delver Fudgeson 2) at 8:10

Scarecrows

Hallsy · 02-21-2021, 11:30 PM

Hugh Jazz wanted to save his money this season so he could save up for the future as it is going to be take a lot of effort to fight old age and its going to take a lot of off the ice training to sustain his success that he has had in his career. He has played a lot of games during his young career with numerous cup finals runs in his career. They are going to take a toll on his body and its going to be tough to see how he ages and if he can keep up with the regression that is going to happen and see if the Hamilton STeelhawks could maintain his success moving forward. They are an older team with some young people coming up so it might be time to go again with a new player or so but for now its going to be hugh jazz and trying to fight old age.

UberBJ · 02-21-2021, 11:33 PM

Bigga Foryu is spending his 3 million on a custom bobsled. He needs a custom bobsled because he is a large man, some would even say an absolute unit. It needs upgraded brakes and a widened cockpit to accommodate him, as his extra mass would cause the sled to go uncontrollably fast. Now there comes another problem, he found out that bobsledding isn't that popular, and the local courses are few and far between. Being the smart man he is, he decided to invest in a new state of the art bobsledding facility. Its going to have VR sledding with stationary sleds for practice, and a new 17 mile downhill course that could be used for skeleton and luge as well (luge is nuts, fuck that noise). So with his investment, he plans to market it to the US/Canada sports federations and hopefully get them to sign up as members who will help fund it, sparing him too much expense. In hindsight, he feels that he should have just bought a dogsled.

raymond3000 · 02-21-2021, 11:39 PM

Andreas Kvalheim of the Texas Renegades currently earns five million dollars per season and has career earnings of sixty six million dollars. Additionally, because he plays in Texas, which has no state income tax, Kvalheim's take home play is significantly more than some of his fellow SHL players on other teams. So it is clear that Kvalheim is not short on cash. So what does Andreas do with all this money? Well, a majority of his contract money is spent on training to ensure that he remains in excellent physical condition. As he has gotten older, Andreas has recognized that he needs to spend more time and money on staying fit in order to maintain his high standards and keep up with the young guns. He spends eight and a half million dollars on personal coaching every offseason, which is honestly an insane amount of money. However, Kvalheim has made some lucky picks in the SHL casino and made some other smart investments to ensure that he has cash to spare.

***Pythonic*** · 02-21-2021, 11:51 PM

Oh boy, payday. The day I get the money that's going to have to sustain my training for a whole season. Due to the fact that my bank account is pretty weak, my current contract with the Tampa Bay Barracuda, which has an AAV of about $4.5 million, is going towards the 5 TPE weekly trainings for the most part. Of course, with the media I (hardly ever) write, my bank account gets bolstered just a bit more and I might end up having some contract money left over at the end of the season. With that typically minimal amount of cash, I like to either pay for the maximum amount of coaching possible, or keep the money in storage and wait for the next season's weekly trainings in order to keep up my addiction to seeing my Simulation Hockey League player, Valtterri Kauppinen, add to his own bank of total points earned.

bigbluex02 · 02-21-2021, 11:52 PM

Every person knows, that when pay day comes around THE DAY IS A GOOD DAY! Although I am still on my rookie contract, PAY DAY STILL MEANS BALLING OUT! Usually I put money aside to go for my future child’s college fund or trust fund. As well as usually purchase some new clothing. Gotta make sure the drip is nice. If you look good, you play good. Everyone knows the rules. This time around, I think I am going to treat my lady to a new car. She has been holding me down from the jump and it is only right that I repay the favor. Probably get her a nice SUV, with the three row seating, and a lot of space to keep her stuff. Then I may buy myself a new car, probably a Tesla so I can be better for the environment. With the rest of the money, it will just go towards either a new house, or I will just save for retirement so I don’t go MC hammer broke!

ckroyal92 · 02-21-2021, 11:59 PM

How would I go about spending my contract money? Well that depends. Are we talking about what I actually do with it or what I would spend it on if I wasn't bound to plugging it back into the league economy via extremely overpriced weekly training. I mean seriously, a million bucks for just 5 teps? That's not enough to upgrade a single attribute, even for a capped junior player like myself. It's tough to come by a decent amount of money around here. I mean I stayed active for over 3 years on my first player & as a result had nothing of monetary value to show for it by the time it was all said & done, so here I am struggling to make ends meet on player number 2. It's a vicious circle too because by not having the money to max earn, I'll be in no position to demand a decent salary in future contract negotiations, not that I would anyway because I'm a team player.

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Skeleton Party · 02-22-2021, 12:06 AM

Name Redacted has gained notoriety lately because a bunch of pesky Reddit nerds called him out for manipulating the market while shorting Gamestop equities. Generally he uses his salary to purchase a bunch of drugs and resell them for a profit, then uses those proceeds to short GME. With what is left, he uses to bribe market makers and brokers to tip the scales in my favor and ensure a very profitable income at the expense of the masses. With the money I have made off of these endeavors, I have been able to purchase equipment every year and avoid having a site job. "But Mr. [Redacted]," you say. "Your bank account is absolute shit and you are barely able to make ends meet from season to season!" Well, you annoying jerk, may i introduce you to my good friends called my hidden offshore accounts? I may not be a fan of Team Switzerland, but their bankers are on to a good thing...

MCP_ · 02-22-2021, 12:08 AM

Joorgustraad DuBolk has decided that with his increased paycheck, he's going to invest into only the most stable of investments. So, of course, he invested in a themed restaurant located in Times Square in New York City. Named "Joorgusbord", a restaurant specializing in Swedish cuisine. The restaurant would have an entry fee of $50 per person plus tax (this price is doubled if you are wearing Manhattan Rage merchandise, and quadrupled if you are actually a player on the Manhattan Rage). The actual food would be served as a real Smorgesborg: when you are shown to your table, the table already has food set out; breads, pickled fish, and even the infamous Surströmming can be had upon request. Each table also has alcohol service, and each table also has a "Joorg Sauce," which includes traces of pickled fish. There are even autographed pictures of Joorgustraad DuBolk available for purchase for around $1,000 each.

Jumbo · 02-22-2021, 12:09 AM

Well I have only been in the SHL for 2 years (actively called up). So I never wanted to spend my contract money when I was still in the SMJHL. I wanted to save it all up til I was called up then I could purchase something real nice. So last year I didnt really have an idea on what I wanted but it hit me in the offseason, I wanted to buy a sports car. I know I know everyone buys a sports car. But I am not buying a Ferrari or Lamborghini or Porsche. I bought a car that I really loved growing up, and really have always wanted one. So now was the time to purchase a 1996 Dodge Viper GTS Coupe. It is the iconic Viper Blue with white stripes down the middle. To me it is one of the best the American Muscle cars ever made. It also didnt break my bank ($60K) but I still got the performance. This car is such an amazing car. My next purchase may be a new beach house or something. But at least I know how I am getting there.
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trella · 02-22-2021, 12:13 AM

Ambacas Cuddles is using his contract money to do a variety of stupid things. One thing that he did with his money this offseaon was buy a chicken. He had friends who had chickens growing up and they were always the funniest little fellows and u can ethically get eggs if you have a pet chicken which is pretty epic if you ask me. Have u seen what they do to get eggs? They kill little baby chicks its so sad. But yeah i bought a chicken his name is Gerald and we are best friends now. He just be chillin in my back yard i dont even have a fence or nothin just his little hen house and he dont even leave. Me and my boy Gerald really just got that higher connection the man would never leave my side. This chicken probably the realest dude i ever met not gonna lie

Thanks to @karey and @JSS for the sigs!

Former USA Fed Head, Carolina Kraken Co-GM, Tampa Bay Barracuda GM

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