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Keenan · 03-01-2021, 01:11 AM

Written task: The SHL is no doubt second fiddle to the NHL among the general public. Like Slamball before it, the SHL has been picked up by a cable network for syndication. However there are conditions to the deal, like Slamball, the SHL will have to make some sort of change to the area of play or equipment to make it more "extreme". What kind of change do you end up making?(150+ words)

Graphic task: Show me a mockup of the a new, "extreme" SHL arena or equipment.

You will receive 3 TPE for fulfilling all requirements.
Deadline: Sunday, March 7th at 11:59PM ET

Affiliate claims from either PBE or ISFL are accepted; link directly to your post and note if your username is different there.
If you have any questions/concerns, please PM me.

This task is for SHL players and send downs only, it is not for SMJHL rookies.

Keenan · 03-01-2021, 01:12 AM

PT Pass

ImYolo · 03-01-2021, 01:14 AM

As a well-rounded hockey league, the SHL has had great success with the huge number of seasons - 56 completed with the 57th underway - so far and the number continues to grow larger and larger. There's a gentle simplicity about the game that many have come to love... BORING! It's time to spice things up - what can go wrong with a little bit of violence and intimidating factors? If the SHL plans to be picked up by cable networks, it's time to undergo some changes and see some new extremes. The SHL Committee has determined a few ways in which the SHL can live up to its potential. One of them includes vibrating seats, becoming activated after every electrifying goal, which not only elevates the inside experience but allows for a larger amount of noise that's sure to get everyone pumped! Another key contribution is the removal of jocks worn by players! Who needs their private parts anyways? It's time to get extreme and who wouldn't want to see their favorite player be the reason another man can't become a father? Another added bonus is that adoption rates will go way up - it's simply a win-win situation!

***hockeyiscool*** · 03-01-2021, 01:17 AM

After the network gave the ultimatum there was some serious brainstorming done by "the committee", it turns out it was just Eric Andre... It was decided that instead of a traditional power play that the player that was penalized was forced to remain on the ice for the entire time of the traditional penalty while hula-hooping and if the hoop hit the floor an additional fifteen seconds was assessed to their respective penalty. Another extreme change was that instead of the traditional shoot out the shooting players were forced to try and score a goal with a beach ball and the goalies were only allowed to make a save using a pool noodle, no other additional gear was allowed to touch the ball. Another zainy idea was that the players were forced to play in speed skates but that was quickly put on the back-burner. The fans vetoed that idea, there was an extreme fan vote of many different ideas and the most popular change to the rink or hockey equipment was that the players were to wear Converse Chuck Taylors instead of skates.

[186ish]

***sköldpaddor*** · 03-01-2021, 01:22 AM

SHL has been picked up by HBO to try and boost their subscriber numbers after Game of Thrones is no longer drawing people in. As we all know, people love gratuitous violence, and with no more game of thrones, that is something they are severely lacking (along with gratuitous nudity and sex scenes, but we aren’t trying to work that into hockey just yet). A brilliant network executive comes up with a bold new plan. The players already play with blades on their feet - why not put blades on their hands and sticks as well!? Before the next season starts, the changes are underway. Everyone will now have Batman-style wrist blades to slice away at their opponents’ gear, and players are given a choice of having a sharpened razor edge on the blade of their stick, or a poky bayonet end on the butt of their stick. Fortunately, before anyone can actually be murdered in a live game, HBO gives up on the project and sells the broadcast rights to Disney instead, and instead of murder, players just have to watch a Pixar movie and do a commentary every season.

Dextaria · 03-01-2021, 01:23 AM

The revolutionary new deal would require the boards changing from the current, boring self. The boards will now be made from a bungee slingshot material so pucks go bouncing off of it and most importantly, players can skate into them full speed and sling shot themselves the other way. This would change the way the puck is played, removing the boring pucks held up against the boards as the pucks would just bounce frantically off and onto the middle of the ice. Furthermore, skaters who aren't good at turning no longer have this issue as they can go full speed in a straight line into the boards and bounce right off in the other direction. Not to mention, this would show the SHL in an extreme, yet safe way as parents will have kids running up to them wanting to play this form of the SHL. Parents will see that it's just very soft and rubbery material so they have less to worry about with regards to injuries compared to the hard boards. Therefore this will help grow the sport immensely leaving the regular NHL in their dust. So that's it for the deal. To summarize, it is two word: slingshot boards.

TheCC · 03-01-2021, 01:25 AM

ISFL Affiliate

5ympathies · 03-01-2021, 01:34 AM

The ice moving forward will no longer be frozen. Picture water polo except every player still has to wear all of their equipment. Insane right? Full masks, gloves, everything. Even skates. Imagine having to tread water while wearing all of that gear and holding onto your stick. It will actually be crazy. The only thing is that we would have to have a 1 to 1 ratio of lifeguards to players because the risk of drowning is just way too high. I fully expect as least one player to need to be rescued every game so of course tons of viewers would tune in to see if their favourite is the one to chance death tonight. Ratings would be through the roof! This game finally would be survival of the fittest, net positioning, stick checking, defense? None of that would actually matter anymore. It would all be about who has the best cardio, and who can tread water the longest. I can't wait for this to happen.

Thanks to JSS for the signature

Matteo · 03-01-2021, 01:37 AM

Now that the SHL is being broadcasted on TSN, it's drawing much more attention, though a large reason for this is the unorthodox style of hockey played on the simulated ice, or rather the unorthodox style of the ice itself. Instead of the standard North American 200 by 85 foot sheet of ice, fans can watch their favourite SHL players carrying the puck down an obstacle course full of bumps and jumps, similar to Red Bull Crashed Ice (now Ice Cross), but with sticks and pucks. One can only hope that the SHL has good lawyers and the teams have good insurance, because injuries are at an all-time high, especially considering each team has their own unique course. An early fan favourite has been Toronto's "North Stars," where each team starts on top of their own large slope with each player at a point of a star, then when the ref drops the puck and blows the whistle 10 players go full speed all at once at the puck, usually resulting in at least three injuries. It remains to be seen whether or not the SHL will be able to continue operations like this, especially considering that they are running out of players willing to participate in this awesome, dangerous sport.

Rotti · 03-01-2021, 01:44 AM

The new redesign will be the Simulation Hockey League: no pads edition. No pads allowed, players can hit and do everything the same, just no pads. Teams can get crazy with the uniforms too, imagine how swaggy hockey sweaters would be with the ability to make them not have to fit pads under them? Fuckin velvet sweaters and shit, sheesh we'd be drippy dripped. Also, goalies would probably suck or just not play, so we might have to find a new way to do that. maybe this just isn't a good idea, it'd be fun but we really wouldn't be able to have goalies. I'd also like to see how this would work with blocking shots. Would teams like Nola, WPG, Bap, etc... be able to win games anymore? Not singling them out they just block a ton of shots. It'd be fun to see, maybe we should go through with it.

**JamesT** · 03-01-2021, 01:45 AM

Code:
Written task: The SHL is no doubt second fiddle to the NHL among the general public. Like Slamball before it, the SHL has been picked up by a cable network for syndication. However there are conditions to the deal, like Slamball, the SHL will have to make some sort of change to the area of play or equipment to make it more "extreme". What kind of change do you end up making?(150+ words)

Coming next season to the SHL will be something that the league has never experienced before. The league has decided to implement having three defensemen on the ice instead of the usual two. There will now be a total of 6 skaters on the ice (3 F and 3 D) so there will be even less room out there on the ice. There will be more puck battles, more bodychecks, more physicality and most important of all more chaos. This is going to be a one season experiment and the league will re-assess at season's end if it is worth keeping permanently. Some teams were asked what they thought of the new change and the defensemen were mostly receptive to the change. The forwards however were disappointed by having an extra defensemen on the ice as it is already hard enough to score as it is. Goalies were receptive as well because they will get even more support in front of them (or more shots deflected off of defensemen and into the back of the net). Time will tell how this plays out, but it will be very fascinating to see how things unfold next season.

(196 words)

*AgentSmith630* · 03-01-2021, 02:01 AM

PT Pass

Arkz · 03-01-2021, 02:16 AM

So, there's a long and rich history of two television programs competing at the same time and with similar premises. That's basically what sitcoms are. Families and the jokes and the live audiences and surprise guest appearances all are common themes that these programs share, with the only real difference being some of the family dynamics at play. Though you can usually guarantee that the dad is overweight and a bumbling fool. The NHL and the SHL find themselves in a similar spot, except the SHL is broadcast on some secondary channel like FX compared to the NHL's Fox. For inspiration, I turned to another pair of programs with extremely similar structures that ran roughly at the same time: robot fights. BattleBots and Robot Wars were two shows that aired at around the same time, and both featured, you guessed it, robots fighting each other. BattleBots was more popular, but Robot Wars was more intriguing. How, you might ask? Simple, house robots that were neutral combatants, just to spice up the conflict. Two corners had a house robot that was bigger, meaner, and more capable than the other robots competing. I propose that the SHL add in a few absolute goons to the four corners of the ice. Every time a puck comes over, the teams need to fight through the goons to get to the puck and establish control. Imagine the excite in a playoff game when one team must come through with the puck, but they need to go through some 6'7", 300 lbs. guy to get it. Absolutely electric stuff.

Code:
Word count: 263

*Keven* · 03-01-2021, 02:57 AM

Alright, hear me out on this one. Half of the players on each team will have tiny flamethrowers attached to the back of their skates, while the other half of players on each team have freezing air jets on the front of their skates. This combination of tools will result in some players leaving dangerous patches of soft ice behind them, while other players have to position themselves strategically to repair critical zones of ice that have been melted. Not only does this add an extra strategic side to the game, but who doesn't want to see a whole bunch of flamethrowers attached to skates? There could also be a few changes to the baseline temperature of the ice in certain sections of the arena to cause those sections to be easier or more difficult to melt or re-freeze. Of course, these changes to players' skates will also result in changes to everyone's jerseys to be more akin to armour that can resist close contact with flames and frozen jets of air. If these changes aren't extreme enough for cable companies then I don't know what is.

*Mutedfaith* · 03-01-2021, 04:16 AM

Hockey is without a doubt the greatest sport in the history of sports or maybe ever. So, what could make it better?

Thats easy; Drugs.

Imagine hockeyplayers now, and then imagine them on an optimal cocktal of steroids. And cocaine. And MDMA. and LSD. While for spectators, the intake of alcohol, weed, crystal meth or magic mushrooms is mandatory. And the changes to equipment and the arena can be fairly limited. All we need is a huge scoreboard, listing every players druglevel, which is also visible as a colour coded indicator on the back of their helmet. And we obviously need drug dispensers in the player's and penalty benches. For safety and legal reason, we might need need some other minor changes to the arena, like enough medical staff to take care of anyone who ODs (at least anyone important, we can dump the rest in the containers behind the arena), but think of the extremes this will take the sport to! Harder shots! bigger hits! brighter colours! Is that a dancing monkey? Are those tree bracnhes, growing from my fingers? Is that guy really trying to lick a moving puck?

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