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taterswc · 04-02-2021, 07:08 AM

Makrus “The Tater” Jager has a confession to make. He has held his secret for far to long and its time to let it out. Across from Makrus sits a reporter for Vancouver’s WZZT 12 news, Jenny Reid.

“Are you ready?” Reid asks.

“As I will ever be,” Jager responds.

“My story begins how many stories do with a man and a woman. The woman was a writer from the united states. The man was an artist in Kassel Germany. Kassel is known for Museum der 100 Tage a museum originating from the cities 100 days of art festive held every 5 years. This is where they met. The man and woman, my parents. They fell in love or at least into bed and eventually had me. I was born,” Makrus takes a deep breath exhaling slowly trying to delay ever microsecond, “I was born Marcus Jager. That is right, the Marcus Jager and I am the most wanted man in Germany.”

Reid’s face is a mix of shock and confusion as she asks, “Who?”

Jager was taken aback but quickly realized his mistake, “oh, they think I am dead. So, you would probably know me by my second name, Markus Jager”.

Reid’s confusion grows as does Jager’s. Jager appears to not understand that Markus and Marcus sound the same when spoken. While Reid is just trying to make sense out of his last statement.
“They think you are dead?” Reid asks.

Jager responded, “let me tell you the rest of the story. Growing up I played roller ball. We did not have ice skating rinks in Kassel and the winter temperature only dropped to about 2 degrees so there was rarely ice anywhere. I remember watching the winter Olympics in 2010 and thinking I want to skate on ice. They were held here in Vancouver that year and I will never forget it. When I turned 17, I moved to Munich and began playing hockey. I was pretty good at it too and settled in nicely there. Until everything changed. My teammates and I liked to hangout after games and watch movies. We rented a couple of our favorites from the local Block Buster, Goon and Mighty Ducks as usual. We had just finished our season, so this night was our celebration. After the movies were done, we had all had a few drinks, so we decided to call it a night. The next day I headed to my parents for a few weeks to spend time with them during the off season. A few weeks turned into 2 months. The 100-day art festival was going on and my dad loved it so I stayed around to help him get his work ready to be shown. When I returned to Munich, I was shocked to find out none of my teammates returned the movies we had rented. They were in my name and I was sure Block Buster was going to be mad I had not returned them. These must be 2 of there most popular movies and they have been sitting in our living room for months. I went down to return them, but the store was closed. Out of business, and it was all my fault. I had their 2 most popular movies and now not only was Block Buster gone but the radio shack next door too. I had ruined Munich’s economy and caused 2 thriving business to close. My teammates told me I was the most wanted man in Germany so I did the only thing I could think of. I faked my own death. I got a unicycle, told everyone I was going unicycling down by the lake, and left a note with my unicycle at the edge of the water that said, ‘I sure hope I don’t fall into the water as I just ate and will not be able to swim’. From that day on I was Markus Jager, my shame does not stop there. I moved back to Kassel and lived in secret. But I could not help myself. I rented Good again from the Block Buster. I was going to make sure to return it this time but then I stepped on it and broke it. And just like before a few months later that Block Buster went out of business. I knew it was my fault, so I did the only reasonable thing. I got another unicycle and faked my death again. I was trying hard to figure out what name I was going to use. That is until one day I got a letter. Well, the letter landed at my feet. My mother had dropped it while walking past me. I was lucky because there is no way she could have recognized me. As Markus I wore a fake mustache and now, I wore 2 fake moustaches to ensure my identity was a secret. The Letter was from the Vancouver Whalers. I had been accepted into the SHL and they were offering me a contract to play hockey. Even more fortunate when I filled out the paperwork for the SHL I spelled my name wrong. Probably because I was using a cell phone to fill out the form. From that day on I was Makrus Jager. Now you know my secret. Another stroke of luck is Canada does not extradite to Germany, or anywhere really. We have an alien and at least one fugitive fish on the team and they have been safe for a while. It is time the world knows what I did, and my parents deserve to know I am alive.”

Reid raises her hand to her forehead in defeat, “I canceled an interview with a pet shelter for this”, she says. She can tell by the way he told the story that he believes every word and its clearly important to him. “Fine, I will do a segment on your story but after that stop calling my office. And call your mom.”

“Thank you, and don’t worry I call her once a week pretending to be a telemarketer. They don’t suspect a thing” Makrus says as he gets out of his chair and leaves the interview room.

“it’s a good thing that guy can play hockey because he isn’t smart at all, but he does have one hell of an ass,” Reid says to herself in a now empty room.

1066 words

steveoiscool · 04-02-2021, 12:16 PM

Proud to shelter the man who finally brought down blockbuster

PremierBromanov · 04-02-2021, 01:09 PM

1oa

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