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Frostbite · 04-03-2021, 11:37 PM

tldr; PTs are racist

Can you believe the slanderous actions the Simulation Hockey League General Managers have taken in this most recent Simulation Hockey League official draft? They let the most stupendous, fantasmic, prodigious, and absolutely mind-boggling in talent player go not only out of 1 overall, out of the ENTIRE first round, but out of the DRAFT! These are some of the most disastrous moves I've ever seen happen since the great 28-3 debacle by the Atlanta Failcons! These actions by the GMs force me to take drastic measures. I can guarantee that these Simulation Hockey League General Managers will show great remorse when they realize what an absolute stud Strawberry "MVP" Sailfish is. Not only have I done this weeks Activity Check, but I also did last weeks glorious TPE earning activity, of an activity check, AS WELL as correctly answering all FOUR trivia answers not only at a passing grade, but at a stupendous 100%. Not only that, but I too have accomplished the league survey, and you know what? DO YOU KNOW WHAT. I put every single PT as not only terrible, dreadful, abominable, abhorrent, and quite frankly frightful, but also very, very bad. As a member who does not do these TPs, just their simple existence is an abomination to me and my compatriots who do not earn TPE. And I, as an esteemed member of this Simulation Hockey League community, do not stand for these slanderous attacks against a very large portion of our userbase! And in my humbler personal opinion, if you support these PTs that encourage heinously difficult physical labor an your bodily appendage, then you too support unpaid labor. Now I'm no genius as I am just a fish in a top hat, however that does not seem like a very incredible thing to support, and if you still stand by supporting PTs, I may just have to stop talking to you. Seeing the wide-spread production of these PTs honestly sickens my strawberry self to the core. Disgusting acts.

IN ADDITION: I must make a statement against the obvious way that this league is biased towards those who give in to HO and do their PTs. Through my extensive research on the subject, I have come across the factoid that all of the past MVPs have done a PT in their professional career. Not even ONE MVP has won MVP without first doing a point task. This honestly disgusts me. The fact that we cannot have a league where those who do not give in to the Player Progression Team are barred from wining awards, is a terrible fact to learn. We as fish, humans, robots, and cornflakes must come together in order to stop these antipathetic actions from continuing to form a hostile environment.

And here is where my proposal comes in. I believe that we should reward those who have not yet given into societal normalcies. Us users who have not yet done a PT deserve to be rewarded for our heroic actions against the disgusting Player Progression Team. My and my group of esteemed scientists (Including none other than esteemed SHL users such as r0tzbua, Gumbaman, and Zaynzk). Have decided 778.5 TPE should be rewarded to those who have yet to give in to the terrible urges provided by point tasks. I believe this is a perfect number, and will allow for users who do not often do PTs to earn more Training Points in a career, thus improving not only parity, but also the experiences of all SHL users, and in particular the proletariat.

Interestingly enough in my several surveys I issued out, the rich (those with league jobs) believed that the poor (those like myself) should only get 558 TPE, however, those without league jobs but still under the influence of Point Tasks (middle class) believed that the poor should be getting 999 TPE to improve their careers. One thing I was surprised in my surveys was that every single middle class individual I inquired about believed that awarding 999 TPE to the poor was the correct move, but ultimately votes were made by me and my esteemed royal cabinet that decided that 778.5 would be a sufficient number in the middle of these two to allow for the poor to earn enough TPE to perform as well as the rich, and perhaps even be an MVP winner. These changes can do nothing but bring good to the Simulation Hockey League and I am very glad the official SHL and SMJHL are in full support of my decision (unanimously!). That's right, you heard me! These changes will become official in S64, and any member who has yet to do a Point Task on their current player (as of end of S63) will automatically be awarded 778.5 TPE.

Now that these great changes are coming in the near future, I feel that we must speak of the obvious elephant in the room so to speak. It is no secret that Strawberry Sailfish went undrafted. And it is no secret that my esteemed friend numbers too went undrafted. The fact that the Simulation Hockey League General Managers even got to the point where there was even a remote probability of this happening is beyond me, however it has happened, so let's talk about it. Is this the result of both of us not doing PTs? In part yes, but that is mostly due to the Player Progression Team's immense grasp onto the league, and not because of the individual play of both Strawberry Sailfish or Twelve Forty-Seven Fifteen. This is a direct result of of the size of the "downstairs" of the individuals. And by downstairs yes I do indeed mean pp size. So you see, the average fish pp size is 30% of its length, which is quite impressive, and even more impressive when you realize the size of a Sailfish on average 11.2 feet, and in this case Strawberry Sailfish is large, measuring in at 13.1 feet, therefore putting his size at 47.16 inches, quite impressive I must say. AND as you can see by this signature,
[Image: Numbers2.jpg?width=720&height=405]

[Image: Numbers2.jpg?width=720&height=405]

it, in quite good detail, explains that his name isn't the only long thing on his body, and we all know what that is referring to. But wait, there's more! These Simulation hockey general managers are also racist against species that do not live on land! As you can also tell by that sig, 12 47 15 has tentacles, and Strawberry Sailfish is a fish, and BOTH of these players went undrafted. The only other fish player to be drafted was a ROBOT. These disgusting GMs would rather have a robot then a real life fish. SAD! This just further proves the negative environment of the SHL, and only further proves my point of PTs being bad, because not only are they very porous for the things below the elbows, but they are also racist.

Honestly, any General Manager that passed on either 12 47 15 or Strawberry Sailfish does not deserve to currently have a league job, and in my personal (and humble!) opinion, they should not even be in this league.

I apologize for the long rant, but I was in agony holding all of that in, and I'm glad the world finally is able to know of the war crimes PTs have done on the world.