S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits

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S60 PT #1: Wikipedia Edits

Shmurph
Registered
S39 Challenge Cup Champion

#121

06-23-2021, 11:59 AM

CaptainCamel
Registered
Posting Freak

#122

06-23-2021, 12:29 PM

Paul Binder is such an absolute joke and a disgrace to the Anchorage Armada. I'll admit, I kind of admired the kid's humility and promise when he first arrived to the club, but oh man how wrong I was. The kid has practically been completely invisible his entire time here. Yeah, he had some decent points in his 2nd year, but are we going to just pretend like that wasn't completely reliant on his line mates? Fast forward and he gets named Alternate Captain, whoop dee fucking doo, and what did he do with it? Absolutely nothing. He pissed the opportunity away so hard that his team wouldn't even vote for him to wear that pointless A in the upcoming season. On top of all this, in the playoffs of all games, this guy goes and gets a 10 minute misconduct for a hooking call in a playoff game???? Keep your stick down you dunce!

WC: 159

micool132
SHL GM
SHL GM

#123

06-23-2021, 12:32 PM

Nathan Explosion has seen from the view of the haters:

Nathan Explosion is a lame excuse of a hockey player. He was drafted in some irrelevant year and had an equally irrelevant career. The guy went inactive (BAD) while he was on the San Fransisco Pride, go traded by the Winnipeg and didn't even dar come back active then, only to be exposed in expansion draft and end up with the Atlanta trash erm Inferno. His stint on the Inferno brought him back to activity btw and made is irrelevant career even more insignificant. HIs teamates hated him, he never created any memes (except milhouse) and he doesn't reply with nomis or catjams when the rest of the room are spamming theirs. Explosion was such a bad player, his biggest feat was scoring the most shorthanded goal in a season (LAME). Can't even score when it's time to, choses to score when it's not his turn. The last thing that can be said about that scrub is that he retired and disapeared into the void. Good ridance!

lmao
Player Updaters
Player Updaters

#124

06-23-2021, 12:49 PM

Shion Okamoto is a player in the Simulation Hockey League who has never actually played a game in the Simulation Hockey League. He is still stuck in the juniors and lord knows if he will ever make it out. Despite being one of the oldest players on his junior team, the Newfoundland Berserkers, he still managed to turn out one of the shittier performances in the defensive end compared to some of his younger compatriots on the blue line. One has to wonder whether the Chicago Syndicate will regret wasting a fifth round pick on a guy this bad. On top of that, this does not really have anything to do with his performance on the ice, but he really just has no swag and you can tell when he skates. WHERE IS THE SWAG? Players need to get out there on the ice and strut their stuff, but this guy does anything BUT that for some reason.

Keven
Graphic Graders
Posting Freak

#125

06-23-2021, 01:42 PM

Kev Kevens is an unremarkable player in the SHL. He almost didn't get drafted in the S55 SMJHL entry draft, getting picked at a ridiculously low 79th overall. He was so useless at the time of his draft that it is rumoured he needed skating lessons to get a spot on the roster. It doesn't help either that he has one of the most boring and generic names of all time. Even just thinking about his name results in feeling an overwhelming sense of mediocrity and lack of creativity. The only noteworthy accomplishment of his career so far is being nominated for the Onoprienko trophy for the SMJHL's most underrated player. Of course he did not win this award due to the fact that absolutely nobody knew who he was. You can't be underrated if nobody even knows enough about you to rate you in the first place. Nobody knows what Kev Kevens is doing now. The last news we have of his career was at the beginning of season 59 when he was only one of three players in the SHL to have not yet scored a point. I think it's safe to assume he never scored a point that season and has been kicked out of the league for his incompetence.

trashae
SMJHL GM
Posting Freak

#126

06-23-2021, 02:48 PM

Park Murphy came into the league fist first and established his reputation as a shutdown defender that doesn't stop punishing opponents at the whistle. He was a hard-nosed old-school player that got fans paying attention to defense again. Then it all fell apart when he was no longer bigger than the competition. After making the leap to the SHL Park-now-Murphy has fallen from his pedestal as a fearsome force to be feared and plays more like a baby back bitch. No PIMs, no fights, no nothing. He doesn't produce offensively and has never eclipsed .5ppg in a season so what the fuck is this mans doing taking away the one edge he had. There was so much hope and promise for his future coming out of Kelowna but Murphy's tendency to cry on the bench and curl up into a ball every time a reporter asks a vaguely critical question looks to have him out of a job sooner rather than later.

Dagumpa
Registered
Member

#127

06-23-2021, 03:15 PM

Bob Duncan is a fat, smelly, bean-eating turd from Fucknose, Vermont or California or Norway, I guess, who miserably plays hockey at center (but really should be backup backup left defense) for the Anahymen Outslogs. Bobert unceremoniously was dropped (hopefully on his head) into the world of SHL in S58. He was selected in S58 SMJHL Entry Draft 33rd overall by a team that already took 3 players, claimed to not have any draft picks, and told him they would more than likely not draft him. He fell to 33rd because he sucks and was only scouted by like three teams. Doofcan is widely considered to be the dirtiest player in the SMJHL, racking up over 100 hits last season. However, he was too much of a coward to take place in any fights. Biff Duncan't was selected 23rd overall in the SHL Entry Draft by the Tampa Bay Barra-un-cool-a. His career has been highlighted by crying, slipping on the ice, and getting swept by the Maine Timber in the first round of last season's playoffs. Other than that, he's alright.

krazko
Registered
Senior Member

#128

06-23-2021, 03:18 PM

ISFL Affiliate

reid
Registered
winnipeg aurora legend

#129

06-23-2021, 03:24 PM

Reid Sutherland was the biggest meh to come out of the legendary Detroit Falcons Season 52 SMJHL draft. Littered throughout that class are studs such as Edward Williams - who should have won J MVP, and recently broke out for the Texas Renegades, scoring their cup winning goal in S59. Also included is goaltender A Jobin, who is on his way to a hall of fame career with the Hamilton Steelhawks. Not even to mention Magnus Liljestrom or any of the other impact players. Sutherland has not been able to step up in the majors, and left Winnipeg like a coward before even turning in a 40 point season - capping out around 30 some. Sutherland moved to Seattle to suit his surfer lifestyle, but still has not been able to put it together for a full season. He is supposed to be a two way forward, but hasnt managed to break 50 points even as he nears his peak in TPE. To add to that, and hes probably the 3rd or 4th best center on the Argonauts... not living up to the pedigree of a first round pick, and the 3rd round of the famously deep J draft in S52. [199 words]

Andy
Registered
S28, S39 Challenge Cup Champion

#130

06-23-2021, 03:31 PM

I think the Wikipedia for Aviad Ratzon (my first player and technically who I was as a CO-GM for Minnesota) would be pretty entertaining to read about. First you have his early playing career, where he was part of a mass exodus from Baltimore (Back then West Kendall). That S23 free agency saw WKP lose a lot of players and that lead them to struggle until new named GM Bojo fixed things (and now they are where they are). Then his career in Edmonton was quiet other than being a strong playoff preformer and a good soldier for his career there. Then he decided to go to Seattle where he looked to be a part of a team run by famous GM GoB. Only to see GoB retire and then be traded. During his time in Seattle he made some unsavory comments but long term they did not have much effect on his career.

Then his career as a GM was a whole other story. When he signed on to Minny to be their assistant GM, he believed he was going to take a step forward in his career with SHL. What he learned was that it was a lot more work than he anticipated. He proved helpful as a sounding board for then GM Baelor but that was about it. He probably would have been more useful to the team suiting up as a depth forward then he was a Co-GM. Ratzon did retire in dignity with two cups to his name, one as a player and then one later as a GM.

Aephino
SMJHL GM
"king" of the SHL

#131

06-23-2021, 04:44 PM (This post was last modified: 06-23-2021, 04:45 PM by Aephino.)

Edward Williams is a British hockey player in the Simulation Hockey League. He plays as a center as a power forward, acquiring a lot of dirty hits. To the surprise of many, he was drafted very high in the SHL S53 Draft to the Texas Renegades at 4th overall. The current SHL champions are full of "superstars". While Edward Williams made the All-Star Team during the latest season, there are many critics of his game. Williams is very lucky to have spent his career in Detroit and Texas -- two teams that utilized the frowned-upon strategy of tanking and acquiring high draft picks. This caused an unfair advantage to those teams and allowed Williams to win both the SMJHL's Four Star Cup and the SHL's Challenge Cup. Despite Edward Williams' game-winning goal in both games to win the respective cups, he remains overrated due to his teammates around him. This can be seen in Edward Williams' IIHF Gold Medal and his 5 Silver Medals, including one at the WJC level. These awards come from being surrounded by stellar teammates who enable Williams to be much better than he truly is.

StadiumGambler
Registered
Posting Freak

#132

06-23-2021, 04:46 PM (This post was last modified: 06-23-2021, 07:28 PM by StadiumGambler.)

Nick Brain is a British professional ice hockey Center, who has spent his entire bust-like career for the Winnipeg Jets/Aurora franchise. Brain played three seasons of ineffective hockey for the Colorado Raptors of the SMJHL. Brain was selected, much to public regret, 11th overall in Round 1 of the Season 46 SHL Entry Draft. Brain was born in Shrewsbury, England, before being foisted off on Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

Brain has represented the United Kingdom regularly in IIHF play, presumably due to blackmail. Brain has won multiple medals thanks to being carried like a sandbag by superior talent surrounding him. Brain has never won a Challenge Cup, coming the closest in Season 48, when an underdog Winnipeg Jets team lost a six game series to the Buffalo Stampede, thanks to infinite amounts of miscues from the overrated Brain, then a rookie.

Noted for his utterly selfish one-way play, Nick Brain has somehow cracked the Top 5 in Winnipeg franchise scoring, thanks to the quality of superior linemates over the years such as Commander Shepard and Calogero Crudelli.

Mediocre_Fred
Registered
Senior Member

#133

06-23-2021, 05:30 PM (This post was last modified: 06-23-2021, 05:38 PM by Mediocre_Fred.)

Fred Wanesly is an English pure-blood wizard, is the fourth son and the middle child, the most daring and dominant among the twins of Arthur Weasley and Molly Weasley, younger brother to Bill, Charlie and Percy, and older brother of Ron and Ginny Wanesly, and older twin brother and best friend to George Wanesly. Fred's first few years were marked by the height of the First Wizarding War and when Lord Voldemort fell for the first time.
He attended SMJHL School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Hockey from s52-s55 and was sorted into Tampa Barracudas House. Both he and his twin brother were popular skaters, known for their sense of humour, pranks, and were also Left Wingers for the Seattle Argonauts Quidditch Hockey Team.
A born prankster and inventor, Fred left SMJHL shortly prior to graduation to become an inactive player, alongside his twin brother, George, and opened the bread shop Fred's Breads at 93 Diagon Alley. Fred was also a member of the Order of the Falcon; he participated in the Battle of Inaugural Season of FMH6 (s53), winning the SMJHL championship with his teammates.

Ohtaay
SHL GM
Beans?

#134

06-23-2021, 06:18 PM

Theo Kondos that bum ass nugget eating mofo. Yeah sure the guy may have won a four star cup, challenge cup and a Jesster award - but at the end of the day he is one of the biggest bums I know. Have you seen this guys diet? You thought Phil the thrill Kessel was bad with hot dogs. No one eats more Chicken nuggets then him, from nuggets, to strips, to boneless, bone in whatever word you want to use this guys shits out chicken. To top it off, he basically only drinks chocolate milk. If you go anywhere with Kondos you better hope they have chocolate milk stocked, or else he is going to bring his own and nobody wants to see that. He is practically a child with his diet, and doesn't care. I wouldn't be surprised if he would quit hockey if you confidently offer him free chicken nuggets and chocolate milk for the rest of the life, he would walk away from the game just like that.

171 words

Asked Madden
Registered
Senior Member

#135

06-23-2021, 06:25 PM

Friedensreich Hundertwasser is a 4ft 9inch hockey player from bumfuck Austria. He has tried to play professionally for 15 of his very long years, never having been particularly successful. In what one can only assume as a part of the make a wish scheme, St Louis picked this player in the second round of the S57 juniors draft and for some unknown reason gave him the alternate captain patch in his first season.
Hundertwasser is known to be a bit of a slob outside of hockey. The police have been called to his scabby apartment on more than 1 occasion thanks to the smell seeping out of his front door. Usually describe as a slightly musty, fungussy chlorinated smell.
All of his socks are crusty and he goes by the nickname of fud.
He lives with 15 cats, none of them spayed or neutered and spends the majority of his free time chasing pigeons at the local park.

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