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MyLittleHexx · 06-27-2021, 09:33 PM

CrazyMojito · 06-27-2021, 09:52 PM

Kyle Sutton was picked right where he deserved to go in the season 53 SMJHL draft, pretty much dead last to the Maine Timber. While playing with the Timber, he racked up an astonishing -63 rating which is good for 3rd best (worst) in franchise history. Sutton's only claim to fame in an league he has ever played in comes in the season 55 playoffs where he some how managed to win the Ronan O'Keefe trophy by scoring 16 goals and adding 10 assists. He still couldn't lead the Timber to a Four Star Cup however, letting his team down in the finals by failing to make much of an impact and disappearing when it mattered most.

Appropriately so, Sutton was drafted nearly last yet again. This time to the Edmonton Blizzard of the SHL. In his 3 full seasons with the team he hasn't done anything noteworthy. In fact, his play his been so mediocre he hasn't even managed to really get off the 3rd line.

Internationally Kyle Sutton has rode the coattails of some pretty good Canada teams to some gold medals at the WJC level. In the IIHF nobody wants to say it, but Sutton's addition to the team is the real reason why Canada's streak of winning gold came to an end.

AW13 · 06-27-2021, 09:55 PM

PBE PT

TheCC · 06-27-2021, 09:58 PM

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SecondSucks22 · 06-27-2021, 10:04 PM

Jax Duggan, now long retired had a remarkably uneventful career. He was carried by Jean Paul Boivin to an SMJHL championship, and coasted on that to a first overall pick despite a massive cocaine addiction. He then proceeded to alienate and eventually not be signed by the team that drafted him somehow falling ass backwards into a loaded Hamilton Steelhawks team. Because of the braindeadness of that team coach and player Aaron Wilson was able to do literally everything short of wipe everyones asses on route to several championships. From that point Duggan coasted having been traded from Hamilton back to the team that drafted him, Winnipeg, now under new management. From there he would do sweet fuck all for the remainder of his career until he decided he had had enough, and made enough, to retire. He now lives completely off the grid and has remained unreachable. The lackluster of his career really makes fans of the sport wonder if he was worth even a first round pick in either of his drafts, both smjhl and shl, or whether those picks were more suited for better candidates such as corey kennedy, jonathan hagan, or even tony ford. Unfortunately the world will never know, what we do know is that Jax Duggan certainly lived up to his nickname of “The Bust” which we can not confirm nor deny, he was given after an early morning raid on his Vancouver Apartment during his final season with the Vancouver Whalers. Halifax sucks.

*Ruggsy* · 06-27-2021, 10:05 PM

As a 5head super villain

[Image: aFvUjOH.png]

Graydonsanatomy · 06-27-2021, 10:05 PM

Eric Tokke was born on a tiny small not really important for any reason whatsoever island of Hiumaa Estonia, which maybe 2% of the entire population of the globe knows where it is. He’s a tall fat turd who decided to try and pick up a hockey stick and swing it around a bunch like a baseball bat, obviously he’s not the brightest of the bunch. Somehow he was drafted by the Colorado Raptors despite needing help to tie his skates before each practice. He also somehow even got playing time for them, although he showed how horrible he is only getting 10 points on the entire season. What a bum. Even with that horrible showing he was drafted in the FIRST ROUND!!! The first goddamn round people what kind of disgrace is the management running the Baltimore monsoon baboon whatever the hell that team is called. There ain’t no way in hell this guy will ever even make it to the league let alone on the team, talk about a wasted draft pick. Hopefully this bum does the entire hockey world a favor and calls it quits sooner rather than later

jtam · 06-27-2021, 10:06 PM

Rikard Hammarberg is a forward for the Hamilton Steelhawks. Drafted in S53 28th overall from the Anaheim Outlaws, Rikard Hammarberg has been carried by his teammates in every single season that he has been in the SHL. This behavior was evident since his Junior days with the Outlaws, getting carried to a Four-Stars Cup in S52 in his rookie season. While he had a decent campaign in his third season in the juniors, the moment more responsibility is placed on his shoulders, he crumbles, unable to lead his team to another championship while he was with Anaheim. Traded to Maine in his final Junior season, he was extremely disappointing after Maine traded good assets to help them win the championship. Hammarberg was invisible in the final series against Newfoundland and disappointed the Timber.

Not much changed in the SHL once he was called up. He got carried to the S56 Challenge Cup as a rookie, which again, he was invisible. In the seasons since, Hammarberg has not stood out in any way, just purely hanging onto the coattails of his more talented teammates.

Naosu · 06-27-2021, 10:08 PM

Jepox · 06-27-2021, 10:10 PM

Pablo Salvatici is a centre turned winger for the Simulation Hockey League franchise known as the Atlanta Inferno. Born in Milan, Italy it's a wonder he even knows what hockey is given his birth country. Somehow though he managed to be drafted 8th overall by the Anchorage Armada where he spent four seasons being surprisingly successful, no doubt riding the coattails of his line mates. His final season is no doubt the biggest joke of them all with all the secondary assists the refs gave him just to boost his ego, resulting in him leading the league in points. This con made its way to the awards committee who went along with it and actually voted him for MVP, much to his delight and dismay of others. While some consider him a top talent in his draft class, it's a wonder why he was drafted 11th overall by Atlanta when he was pegged to go much higher. Clearly an attitude issue or similar problem is at play. Pablo clearly is a fraud of a player who will be exposed in due time.

182 words

Sopath · 06-27-2021, 10:17 PM

ISFL Affiliate

Rev · 06-27-2021, 10:17 PM

David S. Pumpkins was born in a pumpkin patch in some rat infested cesspool in Hennepin County to a mother who didn't love him and a father who didn't want him. His much better looking and more well known cousin is The Great Pumpkin. One day, some ridiculously idiotic person made the horrific decision to sign David S. Pumpkins up in a junior hockey league where he learned how to skate (poorly), hit things with a stick (but not the puck, and certainly not into the goal), and talk shit with the fury of a thousand limp noodles. The only thing more abysmal than Pumpkins' "talent" on the ice is his attempt at a personality off of the ice. He is a lethal mix of boring and dimwitted that could drive even the most patient kindergarten teachers to madness. One day, a horrible team made the terrible mistake of drafting Pumpkins to play hockey for them professionally, and ever since then, he has haunted my nightmares and ruined hockey for me as a sport.

-Zayne Rotzbua

***SDCore*** · 06-27-2021, 10:30 PM

PBE PT

Zombiewolf · 06-27-2021, 10:30 PM

“Jaska Seppala born to two dumb parents is a Finish born hockey player. Or so he claims. Jaska seppala has done absolutely nothing in his short stint as a player. Someone somewhere has even claimed he farts on the hockey pucks. Yes this has been the talk of the town. Many people around Buffalo New York and who are fans of the Buffalo stampede have been talking about Jaska Seppala, a left winger for the team, to have been farting on pucks. No one seems to understand why as this doesn’t really seem to give the Buffalo stampede a competitive advantage. It’s even weird to write about because why would anybody want to write about a topic so dumb. One has gone wonder why the Buffalo stampede are even employing Jaska Seppala at this point. Farting on pucks is a true crime. See the references below for further discussion on this topic about Jaska Seppala

Thank you Brandon, Fish, GeckoeyGecko, Karey, Kit, takethehorizon, and Ragnar for the sigs!
[Image: Pw202QP.jpeg]

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ShnarlyDude · 06-27-2021, 10:34 PM

Alimony Tony more like Alimony Phony. This guy claims to be nothing but a lover, but there is only one thing he loves and that is getting his butt kicked out on the ice. Alimony Phony can barely skate and have you seen his stick skills? This guy is a sorry excuse for a hockey player.

There are two teams who have made mistakes by drafting this player. The Armada took him in the 2nd round, and it was a major mistake. He was a waste of a draft pick and I bet the Armada are really regretting that selection. Alimony Phony has been nothing but a disappoint for the Armada during their last two playoff runs.

The Blizzard are the latest team to pick this loser. He is not even going to get called up. I guarantee it. The Blizzard would have been better off drafting a washing machine at least they would get some use out of it.

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