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*puolivalmiste* · 07-18-2021, 05:33 PM

Mr. Finland · 07-18-2021, 05:40 PM

Yeah, one morning I woke up that someone was imposter and try to be me. But Detroit locker room understood what's going on very fast, because a lot of pets smelled that's not their daycare person, that's imposter definitely. Ted bark continuously without any pause, Molly was making sure that he didn't move anywhere, Rilo was wardening all over the place, make sure it's safe to everyone else. Nash thought that he is his new friend and bring his ball to him that would you play fetch with him? Poor Nash, he loves everyone. Then there was George who was mentor to everyone else and sleep most of the time, but he make sure that everyone goes well and they caught the imposter. After that accident I give everyone of them free daycare day, a lot of pets, love and good treats. I hope that they will not get fat because of me giving treats so much.

[157 words]

Your Mothers Favorite Goalie · 07-18-2021, 05:53 PM

Well someone like just recently stole my identity. very suspicious........was it one of YOU who did this??? or ok, they at least stole my debit card info. Not sure how this keeps happening.....need to investigate further. But on the bright side I guess this makes the PT easier because i can just speak from experience. Apparently the person who stole my identity wants to be sneaky....they didnt buy a lot of stuff, just netflix and amazon subscriptions. Paying for an exhaustive supply of crappy movies and TV shows on my dime? I dont think so! Like come on, at least buy some cool shit, then I can understand why youd steal my debit card info. This is just pretty sad. Anyways, time to make stuff up. After calling the Amazon corporation headquarters I was able to get the authorities involved. However the discovery ended up being that I did indeed make these subscription purchases. It appears I was so drunk one night and brought a girl home that I quickly bought Netflix and Amazon for some chilling time. Must not have been good, the movie or the girl, because I dont remember either

Mooney · 07-18-2021, 05:55 PM

ISFL PT ISFL Username: PMoney

Henrik · 07-18-2021, 06:00 PM

Being the nice and trusting person that he is, Henrik was very quick to respond to an email he received some weeks ago from an Nigerian prince. He was told that a distant relative to him and recently passed away and that he was to inherit a huge sum of money. 'This is too good to be true!' he thought to himself, and it was. After some emailing back and forth and some sharing of personal information, Henrik began to notice some strange activity on one of his bank accounts. After further investigation, it became clear that this supposed prince was no prince at all (shocked pikachu face) but really a scammer! The scammer had used his bank account to buy everything from a brand new Innoson to a small dildo factory located in Taiwan. Clearly he could not share this with any of his team mates or his family. Luckily, there is still a couple more years of hockey in Henrik and he may be able to make some of that money back.

***CampinKiller*** · 07-18-2021, 06:07 PM

Jonathon Hagan was first notified by his bank of his account overdrawing. It came as quite a shock to say the least, as he has plenty of money from his SMJHL and SHL contracts, as well as being part of a long line of professional players. Upon looking at the statements, he realized why the bank had not caught the theft of his account information - it was being used to buy alcohol by the case and bottle. The thief or thieves had somehow spent over $50,000 on alcohol, from beer to liquor, to expensive wines. For what purpose is not known, though it is safe to assume that some of it is for their personal pleasure. Thankfully, Hagan will be able to get his money back. The blow of the theft was also lessened because he kept only some of his money in his checking account. His savings were mostly untouched, but it could've been worse for the young talent.

grok · 07-18-2021, 06:07 PM

dee centerman iv has frequently had his identity stolen. or rather, identities parallel to his are stolen. centerman has a numeral in his name, but his father is not dee centerman iii. rather, the centerman name has been passed down across hundreds of years, going back to the original dee centerman i who served as inspiration for william shakespeare's stage adaptation of "the mighty ducks on ice: D2" performed in the globe theater in 1624, years after both men's deaths. centerman iv is the first centerman in nearly 80 years, and is frequently contacted by centerman ii and iii imitators. media outlets like TMZ and tabloid talk shows like maury frequently feature hockey players claiming to be part of the centerman line. despite all the fradulent emails, letters, and phone calls he receives, centerman iv refuses to change his name or even respond to the identity thieves. to the centermen, this is ordinary. he simply allows it to happen, knowing that centerman iii is long dead and centerman v will succeed centerman iv in both skill and life.

***luke*** · 07-18-2021, 06:30 PM

Luke Thomason never got his identity stolen. Anyone that has said otherwise is FAKE NEWS. I would never ever get my identify stolen because I keep everything on me at all times. I never share any information about myself and I am a very private person. I have millions in my bank account because of it. I am amazing. Now, THEORETICALLY if I did get my identity stolen, it would be from a little czech village next to praugue. Now if I was theoretically got my identity stolen then I would have my name stolen on facebook or twitter because then my identity would have gotten stolen. BUT, because we are in the 21st century, then there is not a verified twtitter becasue I am not on twitter at all. When I am on twitter, which I rarely am, I only like old tweets from my old SMJHL team and whatnot. And dont tweet for the past 5 years

Blasoon · 07-18-2021, 06:58 PM

I believe the rapscallion behind my recent identity theft to be none other than the utter villain, Jay Sink. He declared himself to be me on all of my social media accounts and started to badmouth all of my favourite charities and trusted friends! I believe he looked at my calendar and cancelled all of my meetings and charitable events. He spent a bunch of my money on Rogaine. My hairline is fine, thank you very much! He unveiled my fear of Dogs, now the Very Good Dogs twitter account has blocked me! I like dogs! Just from afar where they can't chase me! He signed me up for a mental health support group that I don't need to be a part of, and now I've taken a spot from someone who was far more deserving. My PR is a nightmare right now and it's all that dastard's fault. I'll have to get him back for this unsportsmanlike conduct.

JNH · 07-18-2021, 07:01 PM

Someone stole my identity by accessing my Uber Eats account and ordering all kinds of food. Chinese food to one address in Chicago. Greek food to an address in Calgary. Vietnamese food to an address in Newfoundland. Pasta to an address based out of New York. At first I was confused, who was using my Uber Eats account and why? Why were they sending food all over the world? Why didn't Uber or Visa think this was suspicious in any way?

Then the 5th order came in - swordfish to San Diego and I knew exactly which motherfucker had hacked me. Anyone who has spent time in Newfoundland knows there's one man with connections to Chicago and Newfoundland who eats swordfish. Same person has friends based out of New York and Calgary. This was either an elaborate frame job or me and my bank account had been betrayed by one of the people that were closest to me.

Tough Saturday, but hopefully they enjoyed the food at least.

***Gwdjohnson*** · 07-18-2021, 07:12 PM

There is a lot of dismay around Gabe Johnson's life right now as it seems some kind of impersonator has stolen Gabe Johnson's identity. Johnson found out because after yet another night of staying up till 4AM and missing training the next day as a result, this time suddenly he heard that he apparently was at practice, something that made waves in local Seattle news. Johnson was flabbergasted, and panicked. This distraction caused him to forget about the team's next game as well, so he forgot to go to that. But in a further shocking turn of events, the Imposter Johnson made it to the game too. Impressing in the pre-game warmup for once, Johnson was promoted to the first line for the first time of the season, and went on to score one goal and one assist, claiming first star. Johnson is unsure what to do. Does he just let this guy actually be good at hockey while the real Gabe reaps the rewards for it? Seems like a great deal.

Trautner · 07-18-2021, 07:27 PM

Identify theft is not a joke, and Michael Scarn is well aware of this fact. Identity theft affects millions of Americans every single day, and Michael Scarn's identity is very important because he has top secret access to a whole bunch of top secret military information and also top secret information on Dunder Mifflin's top clients. Whoever stole Michael Scarn's identity undoubtedly used said identity to log into Michael Scarn's password encrypted computer to search through his emails and steal clients from Dunder Mifflin. Michael Scarn knows a thing or two about stealing clients, like he did when he put Prince Paper out of business, so Michael Scarn knows it's a shark eat fish world. And he is no fish. Michael Scarn is treating this identity theft most seriously, and will seek to identify and punish this perpetrator by stealing their own identity and stealing their own clients. That will teach them a lesson.

***Acsolap*** · 07-18-2021, 07:27 PM

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*Buster* · 07-18-2021, 07:45 PM

Throughout the years, we've realized one thing: Oliver Cleary isn't very good at hockey. Well something interesting happened to the man himself. Oliver Cleary lost his wallet after attending a Baltimore Orioles game. Cleary was distraught when this happened as his license, his credit cards and other important information was in there. After calling his bank to get things sorted out, he checked his bank account to see what kind of damage had been done on his VISA, he realized something weird. Only one transaction on his VISA. No expensive orders or nothing like that was charged to his VISA. Instead only one charge to UPS to send a package. A few days later, Cleary received a package in the mail. Inside was his wallet and a note. The note said “Hey Oliver. I found your wallet and even though I thought about abusing it, I figured you don't have a lot of years left in your career and you haven't made much playing hockey so you can use it for me. Stop bringing the Platoon down, you were a waste of a trade.”

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184 words

spooked · 07-18-2021, 07:56 PM

It was one of the worst possible things that could ever to a man, human, or hockey player. At 3 in the morning on june tenth of the year 2021, season sixty of the simulation hockey league, it happened, Arsene Leclerc received a 3 dollar charge on his credit card from a drug store in Poland. Having no clue where this charge came from he can only assume someone has stolen his identity and his credit card information, breaking the solemn oath of humanity to be an individual, someone has become him to buy who knows... a pack of gum perhaps, who knows, it could have been anything. The result? Arsene Leclarc immediately calls the credit card company to get HIS MONEY BACK. And he does. All three dollars. hard earned, almost slipping away to some random criminal in europe. Thankfully it was all resolved with ease and quickly at that, from his high priority line to the bank. He got all the money back with no problem and could return to his sleep like nothing ever happened, dreaming his usual dream of scoring an overtime goal to lift the cup for the first time in his career. Is it a dream or is it his future? We will find out!

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