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st4rface · 08-30-2021, 03:51 PM

I would love to take the black pill, because I don't understand how you can make an essay of 150 words where you literally have to choose one pill and describe why. It's so damn hard. At the same time, I'm not that rude and I don't want erase a human from existence just becasue he doesn't know how to make PT's. And - I'm sure there would be people who aren't happy with me being PT director either. So, it's a two way street. I would probably choose the purple pill, because it's the most useless. It has a small benefit and let's be fair - it has no cost. It's just a small jelly bean (food). So, I think it's pretty clear that I don't want to calculate which bean would be better for my hockey player. I would just take the purple pill at any time, because why not, right? It's just a food and won't change anything. It will just give me 3 TPE, because this PT is hella weird.

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Jonny Tsunami · 08-30-2021, 03:57 PM

PBE Affiliation

Opera_Phantom · 08-30-2021, 05:52 PM

ISFL Affiliate

Tylar · 08-30-2021, 05:53 PM

I would take pick the red pill that will give me amazing speed, but will make me go potty every 15 minutes. I would choose this option because in reality just wait till the end of the period to go to the potty and you can play more before the last 5 minutes of each period. I would also choose this because speed is important in hockey so being able to be super speedy means more scoring opprotunties for mself but also be able to open up the ice for my line mates since they will eventually hunt me down with my speed and make my line mates have more room to play the game. Having to use the bathroom isnt much of a deterent since if you are able to use your speed well and get your team into a good position, you won't have to worry about the last five minutes of the game because you will already be winning and hopefully the team just choke it up.

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170 Words

**leafs1997** · 08-30-2021, 06:22 PM

Vlastislav Malik would, if given the opportunity, pick the purple pill. Grape isn't the best jellybean flavour to be honest, but Malik is just fine with things continuing as they are. He's well on his way to becoming one of the best SHL players the SHL has seen anyways. Entering just his sophomore season, he's already served as an Assistant Captain on the New Orleans Specters. To note, he's a better A already than @Pythonic, which doesn't say much I guess. Nonetheless, Malik keeps growing in all aspects of his game on a steady basis. His rookie season went okay, especially considering his team, NOLA, wasn't expected to do much at all and he'll continue improving his offensive output. Malik would ask a favor of the mysterious salesman though...hopefully he can give @Titan a brown pill. Just for the fun of it. In fact, can Malik just pick the brown pill and then trick Titan into eating it?

***Benpachi*** · 08-30-2021, 06:37 PM

Roderic Banes without a doubt, one hundred percent, takes the purple pill. The reasons for this are numerous and self-explanatory. First, grape jelly beans fucking slap. Ever eat a handful of those bad boys? They're like a shotgun blast of sweet, fruit-adjacent flavour right to the tonsils! Second, drugs are for scrubs. Roddy didn't earn his body by paying some shady pill merchant to give him superhuman (and super bizarre) mega powers. He earned his sweet gains, sculpted his rippling pecs from the weak clay of his young, pubescent husk of a body. Those abs? They didn't chisel themselves; and Michelangelo himself could not have achieved finer definition. Third, and this may seem like the obvious one, Roddy ain't that bright, and purple is his favourite colour. All things being equal, and all the pills sounding cool and looking mad tasty, that would definitely be the tie-breaker, and here we are.

Don't do drugs kids! Stay in school!

Kalakar · 08-30-2021, 06:52 PM

pt pass

*leviadan* · 08-30-2021, 10:23 PM

No question Burlok takes the green pill. The intelligence isn't really important here, it's the transformation that really counts. Burlok is plenty smart, and being smarter is always good, but ultimately he has no interest in joining the speed cube community. The draw of the green pill is that Burlok has been an absolute unit for his entire life. Always huge, always bearded, massive muscles-- the whole nine yards! He never got to experience childhood or know what it's like to occupy the frame of an infant. Will it end his hockey career? Maybe! But Burlok has already made more than $50M, what else could he need? The chance to live life as a Doogie Howser boy genius type? That's so far out of his realm of experience that it's priceless. He has nothing left to accomplish as a cement truck of a man, so why not live life on the other side?

[Image: pin1_1.gif?ex=661a1734&is=6607a234&hm=b8...1bf5caed8&]

karlssens · 08-30-2021, 10:58 PM

I'm not creative to come up with my own pill color and description so instead I'll review each of yours a give my personal opinion.

Red Pill - It's tempting, but my greatest fear is pooping on the ice mid game and for that I'm out.
Blue Pill - I low key like this one. I see myself going full on daredevil and visualizing my next kill with echo location.
Green Pill - I'd take this one. If you can see the game that well size counts for nothing. Or so I hope.
Orange Pill - The safe pick for safe wieners.
Pink Pill - I'm of the group that thinks they have no talent anyways, or at least nothing really sets them apart. Just a machine grinding out bands.
Brown Pill - See reasoning for red pill.
Purple Pill - More a strawberry or raspberry jam man myself. A devisive discussion in the Blizzard LR.
Black Pill - Hard pass. Much respect to anyone that is willing to hold that title.

*Jayba1t* · 08-30-2021, 11:10 PM

This may be boring, but I think Max will want to take the purple pill. Being a boring and typically normal person throughout his whole life, Max isn't a person who really likes to take bold challenges or try something new. So he ingests the purple pill in the morning and it turns out he chose the most boring, but best purple jelly bean. It tasted like grape, a very sweet grape, and as he chewed, it quickly went down and then he went about his day. Max did his morning routine, ate and worked out before practice in Colorado that day. He didn't feel any adverse effects from eating a purple pill, because maybe that was a jelly bean that he had eaten throughout his entire life. As evening approached, the preseason game was going on but Max did not make his way onto the scoresheet. There you have it, a day in the life of Max Manning, weird purple pill/jelly bean ingestion edition.

TheFlash · 08-31-2021, 12:12 AM

Red pill I think is the most realistic of the choices. Every fifteen minutes isn’t much different than how often I shit uncontrollably IRL. I’d just simply go to the locker room. I guess the question would be how long does it last? Could it be handled during day, the second intermission?
Blind would be a tough one. Think it would be hard to lay those hits and take the hard shots without actually seeing where the players or the puck is. I don’t see this helping much.
Does height make much of a difference in sim? I feel like being really short could potentially make you hard to hit as well. Could give me a slight advantage while I’m wheeling and dealing. Kind of like selecting Oddjob on Goldeneye 64.
Orange, well, I don’t have any allergies that I know of, so this doesn’t help.
Pink doesn’t do much for my skill either. Maybe puts more butts in the seats in Montreal.
Brown just sounds brutal.
Purple, I don’t know. Decent flavour, but I’ve
always been a red jellybean kind of dude.
And black, well, I wouldn’t want this job after seeing how critiqued it is, and I’m sure it’s quite time consuming. You do you man.

*Carpy48* · 08-31-2021, 01:53 AM

For a person with allergies of course the orange pill sounds interesting. But what it doesn't tell me is: does it give me allergies or does it prevent them? How can I possibly take a random orange pill from a random person if the only description is "The orange pill is allergy medicine". What if it's simply placebo? Who will ever know? And most of all what's this thing about an extraordinary power? Will I suddenly lose all my allergies and that's what's giving me power? Or will I develop a random new allergy that will give me some power? Could I be allergic against pucks? I have so many questions I think I should consult a professional first. Or should I simply just go with the brown pill like everyone else? No, they're making me take one. Alright, just take the orange one, fine. It might make me sneeze a little, but at least I don't have the brown-pill problems like everyone else. Who comes up with this anyway.

Urq660 · 08-31-2021, 03:39 AM

The red pill would not only make me faster on the ice, but by the end of the game I would certainly be a good bit lighter than at the start, so would be getting faster as the game went on! Due to being a rookie in the SHL, I’m not doing that much in the way of time on ice, so I reckon I could time the evacuation sessions around my playing time, I’m sure the likes of Darrow and Pojo could hold the fort while I’m birthing some otters in the locker room! I’ve been pretty dross in the first few games, so I think the extra speed would be a welcome addition to my playing style, despite the extra explosive movements.
My only question is, do the constant motions continue when I’m not on the ice? If so, I’d have to work out a solution for sleeping. Maybe a bed with a just-below-waist-level trough? Or a nice padded toilet seat with a nice bit of memory foam against the tank to lean on? These are the real hard hitting questions!

jRuutu · 08-31-2021, 05:56 AM

Blue pill. The game of hockey is played with your brain and heart, not with your eyes and ears. The blue pill makes you strong as hell, which means you could use that strength in front of the net as a powerplay screener. Nobody can remove you. You could also be a powerplay shooter and use the cannon of a shot to fire slapshots.

I realize that not being able to see or hear is a problem, quite often the crowd and music are so loud that you can't hear anything anyway, what then? You can't see either. That is a tough situation for any player. I think only a veteran player should take the blue pill. The veterans have so much experience with the game of hockey that they know where players tend to be, so they can almost guess where is the right place to skate around to get those massive hits.

Another possible role where you can use the new strength is the role of an enforcer. You can throw your hands and hope for the best. Everybody knows strength is the most important thing in fighting anyways, so you want to trade your sight and hearing for extra strength. Now you have a pill for it? Easy yes for the pill if you are an enforcer looking to gain an edge. A big fight gets your team going and it gets the crowd going as well. A fight can even change games.

C9Van · 08-31-2021, 07:26 AM

I mean in an ideal world I would just take the black pill and then step down after like 1 week of doing these since I actually have other things I need to focus on and never get a league job but I think that 1 will get chosen a lot here nor is it very fun to write for so I guess I will take the purple pill, since it sounds like it tastes quite nice and does not have any pros or cons and the other poll being the green pill. The green pill just makes you a bullshit good coach/manager for later on in your career so you can get a huge unfair advantage vs other managers at the expense of being slightly short. Seems like a good trade in the long run after your playing career is damn near over so why not.

Unsure if I am allowed to take multiple pills like but the order is Black > Purple > Green.

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