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***bluesfan55*** · 11-14-2021, 11:34 PM

one time i was in anchorage and ragnar made a meme about gabe working for the census board in canada with him as pepelegs holding a clipboard. one of the best memes i have ever seen

ty to @High Stick King @EvilAllBran and @Ragnar for the sigs

ValorX77 · 11-15-2021, 12:21 AM

Story time folks, Back in Vancouver, one unfortunate player is picked to be pranked every week. That week, @Accka , Olof Karasiko, had a rough game, so his punishment had wear peewee hockey gear the next practice, and had to use a mini stick. (It didn’t end so well for him!)
51 words

HanTheMan_ · 11-15-2021, 12:27 AM

last night it was my friends birthday and she was drunk and she INSISTED that the Mona Lisa was painted in her home and that she will be calling her back. Who knows why she would be calling back for but I was in tears it was so funny

Amidships · 11-15-2021, 12:27 AM

This is always a fun one:

A woman says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."
The husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

bjkman · 11-15-2021, 12:29 AM

I saw Wes Anderson's "The French Dispatch" yesterday and damn was it quirky and funny for someone who likes that kind of humor. At the beginning of the film, Owen Wilson plays a bike-riding travel reporter who is talking about a town he is currently riding around in. My favorite line from him is that "There are 9 dead bodies pulled from the local river every week" then mentioning that it's always that number no matter the population, which is the perfect funny detail.

Code:
84 Words

KlusteR · 11-15-2021, 12:40 AM

So Heisenberg, Schrödinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. As Heisenberg is driving, he pulls down the window, and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies. The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 30." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop, now thinking this situation is highly suspicious, orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out, leans over and shouts "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"Well, we do now, asshole!" shouts Schrödinger. The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

(I'm a nerd, sue me for posting a long one lol)

*Jayba1t* · 11-15-2021, 12:47 AM

What do you call a factory that makes ok products? Satisfactory.
When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
What is a thesaurus' favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
What happened to the guy after he cut down my Christmas tree? He was charged with treason.

GoonerBear · 11-15-2021, 02:25 AM

In the United States, we call them elevators. In the United Kingdom, they call them lifts. I've no idea why. I guess we were just raised different.

***efischermann*** · 11-15-2021, 02:26 AM

This is an easy one. I will go with the one that has gotten my kids laughing for years (somehow, but they are 4 and 3, so it really isn't that difficult).

What do you call a three humped cammel?

PREGNANT!

(have to credit Zootopia, that is where I got it from)

S61 Four Star Cup - Game-Winning Goal in the clinching Game 4

*Carpy48* · 11-15-2021, 03:08 AM

My problem with jokes is that I only remember the really good ones for a short time and then forget about them. I didn't want to google random jokes, so instead I'll just share this one (it's more work-related humor, but I thought it was funny).

***yosh*** · 11-15-2021, 03:50 AM

I don’t know why but all the jokes I can think of are chemistry related. For example:

“What did the chemist say to the biologist that stole his cookie from him?”

“Bromine”

That was bad am sorry

Dextaria · 11-15-2021, 03:55 AM

This joke isn't funny for others but it gets me smiling every single time I do it because it's just the classic dad joke. So whenever someone say's "I'm ____________" such as "I'm hungry," I always respond with "Hi hungry, I'm Dex." Again, terrible joke but it always puts a smile on my face to see people be so disappointed every time I pull it off.

fever95 · 11-15-2021, 04:02 AM

I was pranked many years ago during a hockey tournament in minor hockey by my teammates. I was wondering why they were all looking at me and laughing while I was putting my gear on. I was a goaltender and later on I found out that they had put icy hot in my jock strap. This became very apparent during warmups when it started to really burn and I was really uncomfortable to say the least. We stayed on the ice until after the first intermission back then so I was not able to wash it out with cold water until then and obviously we lost that game. I did not find it funny at all though!

krazko · 11-15-2021, 04:10 AM

I've both done and been the target for the classic hockey prank with see through tape under the skates.
It is always funny to see an unsuspecting teammate when they step on the ice with absolutely no grip!

*Mutedfaith* · 11-15-2021, 04:18 AM

How many hockey players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It takes 4. One to screw in the light bulb, and 3 to talk about how good the old bulb was.

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